Embracing Postpartum Emotions with Emily Finnell

Transcript

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Hello, Today I have with me Emily Finnell.

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Emily lives in Kansas with her husband, Dan, and their two sons.

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She transitioned from a career as a special education teacher to leadership and sales in network marketing.

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As a certified HeartMath coach, Emily is also completing her Coaching Mastery certification through the Institute of Coaching Mastery.

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She creates impactful training content, leads courses and workshops and offers one-on-one coaching to help clients find peace, alignment and their purpose in their lives.

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Today she's talking about her postpartum experience and how to help you feel empowered and not alone through the hormonal experience of postpartum.

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Emily, welcome and thank you for joining us again.

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This is your second time on.

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Yes, and I think it's so fitting right now, this very second.

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We just finished airing your first, the very first episode of this podcast, which is your episode of this podcast.

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It was the first one.

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I don't know if I knew that it was the very first one.

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Yes, it's also our top performing episode.

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Let's do it again.

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It's very fitting at the beginning of season three that we're doing our next interview and I'm so excited to talk about your postpartum experience, because we didn't get into that.

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The first episode was mostly your transition from your first birth and then the complications of your second pregnancy and what led to your adoption journey, which I think is so exciting, because I want to validate mothers who become mothers through adoption.

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I feel like that's a birth journey in and of itself as well, because if you have fertility issues that lead to needing adoption, that's a whole other birth journey.

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It's the birth of yourself as a mother through adoption and the birth of this new child in your family.

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So I think it's just really exciting that you're here again to talk about your postpartum journey.

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Yeah, and I'm actually really passionate about this, especially just recently, as I am in the Institute of Coaching Mastery and we're doing a lot of more somatic work, which I wasn't really aware of somatic work and definitely wasn't aware back 15 years ago when I gave birth or had a C-section and had Everett.

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So I am so passionate about this topic because I straight up thought I was going crazy after I had a baby and I felt betrayed by everyone who had ever had babies that they didn't tell me that I was going to feel this way.

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Yeah, it's a lot, it can be, and that's the thing.

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Everybody's postpartum experience is unique, and so I think, in a way, we don't want to scare people and be like, oh, you might feel crazy, because what if they don't?

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Because then I remember seeing my sister-in-law.

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She was like so chill and relaxed after she had her first baby and I'm like what is that?

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What are you doing?

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How are you doing that?

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What are you doing?

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How are you doing that?

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Because it just wasn't my experience.

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Yeah, I was just a mess.

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I felt so invalidated by people that were just relaxed and in their element.

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I'm like how are you not panicked?

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I felt fear and a lot of self-judgment.

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Yeah, same and shame.

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I felt like I was doing it wrong.

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I think my core thought was there's something wrong with me, which was think about how that plays out right, because then it's just everything I did.

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It was like what's wrong with me, why would I act this way, why am I feeling this way?

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And it just spiraled.

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I would just spiral.

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So many spirals of anxiety and fear and judgment and all that.

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Yeah, I felt misunderstood.

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I felt like why don't you understand why this is so hard, like why don't you understand what I'm going through?

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Can't you see?

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I just had a baby, and I think this is pretty common in society, where it's okay, you just had a baby, move on, you can go back to work tomorrow.

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Exactly, and the truth is it's like, physically, your body is doing things where you're like is this normal?

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Is this normal?

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Is this supposed to happen?

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It just feels.

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Yeah, I just remember feeling isolated, fearful, uncomfortable, and I'm hopeful that, when I share my story and what I know now, that whoever's listening to this will now have tools in their tool belt for how to handle some of the things I felt.

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Yeah, me too, and I love that you're the person doing it, because I feel like you have so many tools and I'm really excited about it.

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I do have a lot of tools and a lot of work.

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I love to have the best toolbox.

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I will tell you my toolbox.

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I wish I could hand out my toolbox to people and be like this is the gift of peace in your life in your marriage, in your parenting, in your any sort of relationships that your friendships, all of it, like the same toolbox works and it really is about getting out of your head and getting down into your body and trusting.

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That, I think, is a big piece.

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That I was missing postpartum was this sense of trust.

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I had no trust in myself.

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I felt like the answers were in books and I needed to just read enough books to make me feel safe.

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And I didn't feel safe in my body because my body was different.

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I remember your dad said that you were reading too many books.

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Yeah, my dad was like you need to put down the books, and I think I talked about that in the first one.

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You did.

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Yeah, he said trust yourself.

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And now I've been on a journey of trusting myself and I'm like.

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Now I have the toolbox.

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Yeah, I want people to trust themselves.

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Your dad lit that spark for you.

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That sounds like something my father would do.

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I agree, very wise.

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But, yeah, just learning.

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I really want people to know that, yeah, they're not alone and there is so much power in getting out of the head and into the body and they're simple things, the power and getting out of the head and into the body, and they're simple things.

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The tools I'm giving you are not going to be complicated and difficult, they're very simple.

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But I think I want to share a little bit about because in the first, when I've shared before, I shared the whole traumatic second pregnancy.

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But the first pregnancy it was really challenging because I think I thought that I was going to have this baby that was going to be like a six month old baby, you know, like you could take care of and like.

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Instead it was like this teeny tiny.

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How do I keep this alive?

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And then I think the part that nobody prepares you for is the hormones Agreed and I cried a lot.

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I just remember feeling these waves of emotion.

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I couldn't even pinpoint why I was crying.

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It was just almost like a detox cry.

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Everything was just like rushes of hormones and what I remember distinctly the beginning.

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Just I felt incompetent.

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I felt like I didn't.

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I should know, and there's so much judgment, I should know how to do this.

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Why does it feel so hard?

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You were shitting on yourself.

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I should.

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I was shitting all over myself.

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You have no idea the shitting that was happening and what that.

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What it created, though, was so much insecurity that it was like I needed my husband there all the time, and he felt overwhelmed, and I think, in a way, he was kind of like, dude, you're okay, why are you so freaked out?

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And he was trying to be so gentle, and my husband, he's so kind and he's so sweet, but I think, in a way, he was like whoa, dude, you're good.

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Like, why are you acting like this?

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And I had so much judgment around the nursing part and it not working the way that I thought it should.

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And again, the shoulding.

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And, anyway, I distinctly remember I had signed Everett, my oldest, up, for it was like one of those baby swimming classes, and all I had to do was drive him there and you put him in his little swim diaper, you get it.

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I don't remember how old he was, but I distinctly remember getting him, got the diaper bag packed up, had him walking out the front door of the house and feeling a sensation in my body that felt like it felt foggy.

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I felt my heart was racing.

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I can now look back on it and see I was having a panic attack, but at the time I was convinced it was neurological and I thought there was something very wrong with me.

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And I remember walking, turning around and going back in the house and sitting on the couch and just bawling and I'd get emotion just thinking about it because I just want to hug that version of me and be like oh my gosh, you're okay.

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Because I was scared.

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I just felt what is wrong, why?

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Because I felt I don't know if you ever had a panic attack and it felt almost like visually it felt like kind of things were like zeroing in a little bit.

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I can't explain it but, like I said Like tunnel vision, yes, like tunnel vision and it felt Like the symptom of a panic attack.

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Neurological.

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And I was like there's something wrong with my brain.

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I remember calling my husband at work and saying I think I need to go to a neurologist.

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I think I'm dying.

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She was like, okay, here we go with the crazy again.

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What is she even talking about?

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And it's because I had no concept of getting into my body and finding peace or even allowing the sensations that were happening to happen.

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I was creating so much resistance to the sensations that it was exasperating the sensations, right, all of those thoughts.

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I shouldn't feel this way.

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What's wrong with me?

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All of that felt like resistance, and more of it would come up to the point where I was sitting on the couch rocking and feeling like what's wrong with me, what's wrong with me, what's wrong with me?

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And then looking at this baby and being like I can't do this.

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And this was and here's, the worst part about this.

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When you are feeling that way and in that kind of a spiral, the last thing you want to do is tell anyone that you feel that way because you are embarrassed and you feel crazy.

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In fact, I've never even shared this with anybody.

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Really Wow Because it felt so embarrassing.

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Yeah, I can really relate with that, because I just felt, I felt very similar, but also just, I didn't want support, but I didn't feel supported.

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It was like, no, I have to do this my way.

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Can you just be ready to help me?

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And I didn't even.

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It was the fear of again, what's wrong with me, that it was like I wanted to stuff it in the closet and close the door and pretend like it wasn't happening.

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But again there was so much resistance and what I want people to understand is what you resist persists.

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If you're resisting something, it's going to keep coming up and it's almost like a toddler being like mom and they just keep until you stop and say yes, that's what you have to do to your emotion.

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When the emotion is coming up, the fear, the shame, whatever, like when you stop and just and unplug from the story around it and actually feel the sensation in your body.

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That changed my entire life.

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When I learned to do that, yeah, and I remember distinctly the first moment that I really did it.

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It was just I don't.

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I feel like it's been like a year or two that I've been doing this work and I remember my younger son, who can be very challenging.

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I don't even remember exactly what he did.

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I think I was giving him a direction in the kitchen hey, will you please put this away?

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Or something like that and he it was met with a lot of no, I'm not like attitude whatever, and I remember, instead of responding, I took a breath.

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This is when I was going through my heart math certification, because it's part of what we do in heart.

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Math is just dropping down into your heart and getting into something called heart coherence, and it was just this pause that I gave myself Before I reacted.

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It was this pause and within that pause, I felt for the first time, truly felt just the sensation purely sensation of anger, felt like a wave coming through my body, from my head all the way down, and it felt like tingly oh, I can feel that and fiery yes, you could feel it.

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Right, I know exactly what you're talking about it was this wave?

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And what the crazy part was is once I leaned into it and just felt the sensation, felt the wave go through my body.

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I was able to look at my son and respond from a grounded place and I was like whoa, I feel like it's like body hacking.

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Yes, I feel like holy crap.

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I can just feel into a sensation and get to the other side of it and not react from this heightened emotional state where we all escalate.

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It was so powerful.

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And then when I learned that you actually cannot feel a sensation of an emotion for more than 90 seconds in your body unless you're looping in a story.

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So if you unplug from the story, like in that moment with him, whatever he did to trigger me, I felt the anger.

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I stopped thinking about I should make him do this.

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Instead, I just felt the sensation.

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It washed through and then I was able to ground in two.

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It's like when you stub your toe and you try not to scream.

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Yeah, yes, let it out.

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Feel it?

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Yeah, just sit there and be like.

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Yeah, or I like say it out loud.

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Sometimes I'll be like that really hurt.

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I feel it in my toe and it really hurt.

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Or yeah, speaking it out loud In fact, if I went back to that day, that version of me who was sitting on the couch crying, thinking that there was something very wrong with me, that I couldn't go to the baby and me swim class, if she would have just said, wow, I feel like I have tunnel vision, my heart is beating really fast.

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I feel unsafe in this moment.

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If she would have been able to speak that out loud.

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It's it again.

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That's like turning toward the toddler and saying I see you.

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I see you.

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It's okay, you're safe.

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The sensation is safe in my body.

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There's nothing wrong with me.

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Yeah, I think that's so great.

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I feel like there's times that I've had to I haven't been able to like really generalize it, like I haven't even thought about generalizing it because, like when I do feel triggered or like upset about something, I haven't actually approached it that way.

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But I do that when there's an emergency at the hospital and I have to jump in, it's like that feeling can't be here right now, so the only way through it is to just go through it.

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I take a big deep breath and then I'm like we're going to be okay.

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So do you feel like you compartmentalize that in the hospital when you're in the hospital?

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I think so.

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Yeah, that's fascinating.

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Anytime there's an emergency.

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I learned this in college.

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Actually, that's how I learned that I needed to do something.

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Along the lines of just that has like the high adrenaline because we had an emergency at the dorm and I just remember panicking at first, then taking a deep breath and then like feeling just like a wave of calm and then the adrenaline that kind of just keeps you in the emergency and keeps you thinking and focused that kind of kicked in.

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And then it was.

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I kept it there until the emergency was over and then I crashed later Fascinating.

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Yeah, you know what that reminds me of.

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My older son would get really frustrated at baseball games and he would get messy and aggressive and I remember Dan taking him in the backyard one day and he said to him I want you to watch this.

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And he took a soda can and he shook it up and then he opened it and the soda went everywhere and Dan said this is your anger right now.

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And he said now I want you to watch this.

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He took another soda can, shook it up and then he took an ice pick and stuck it in the side and it shot out Right.

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And Dan said which one do you think?

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The soda went further and was more efficient?

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And Everett's like the one that you stuck a hole in.

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And he said yes, he said so you can channel that anger.

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You can channel like what you're doing in the hospital.

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You are channeling that adrenaline into sharper focus, right, like you're getting into a coherent state.

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And when you said that deep breath is getting you more into a coherent state where you're able to do the ice pick, right, like you're channeling that adrenaline.

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And he's channeling the anger and adrenaline in the game.

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And I think it's such a fascinating thing.

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When we're able to zoom out and see our emotions in this way, we can leverage them in different ways.

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But that mental clarity that you feel is because you're channeling the adrenaline.

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Yeah.

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I agree.

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So cool, that's the only way.

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I'm good at that.

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Well, I was going to say but neuroplasticity says that's something that you're capable of.

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You can bring that into your marriage.

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You can bring that into your family life.

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Butness is the first step, right You're like oh wow it's happening Now.

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How can?

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I bring that into this.

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Yeah, super cool though.

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Yeah, all right, so then where were we?

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We were talking about postpartum.

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So in your postpartum journey you have the panic attack, you have the tunnel vision and you wish you could go back and talk to yourself and tell yourself to name the emotion, or name the feeling, not the emotion, detach it from the story.

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And name the feeling, yeah, and feel the sensation.

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Yeah, speak it out loud.

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It's like name entertainment, right, like as soon as you say it out loud, now it's not as scary.

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So I think that is one tip that I would give is just to start speaking out loud if you're having these kind of spirals, like I was.

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Another thing I think it's funny when I look back and see how I did act at that time.

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What I think what created a sense of security for me was to not be alone.

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I tended to want to parent with other moms.

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If I was with another mom, I felt more grounded in my body and I felt more capable and I needed another adult.

00:16:52.642 --> 00:17:05.542
I don't know, it was weird, but yeah, when I look back, that is how I coped was having all of these friends with babies and we would wake up in the morning and meet at somebody's house and spend all day there.

00:17:05.542 --> 00:17:11.825
Oh, wow, that's how, really, when I look back at that baby stage with Ev, it was 100%.

00:17:11.825 --> 00:17:16.583
We called ourselves sister wives because our husbands were all working and we were home a lot together.

00:17:16.755 --> 00:17:18.161
Wow, it's amazing that you have that.

00:17:18.161 --> 00:17:23.115
I was the only one around with a baby when my first was born.

00:17:23.115 --> 00:17:29.163
We were in New York and for the four months we were the only person in the building that had a baby.

00:17:29.885 --> 00:17:35.626
Yeah, so that's super isolating it was and I worked nights and it was like, oh, what's going on.

00:17:35.626 --> 00:17:36.911
But we did have.

00:17:36.911 --> 00:17:44.397
The saving grace was there were people that were willing to babysit, because we had some huge dog so we would have to go out.

00:17:44.397 --> 00:17:50.058
When it's like at night baby's asleep, somebody please come sit in the house or the apartment.

00:17:50.058 --> 00:18:02.526
But that's so interesting because I wonder what it would have been like if that had been like normal, like if that had been, if I had friends around that I felt like I could do that with yeah, I will say it did, but I even didn't tell them.

00:18:02.615 --> 00:18:07.160
I was embarrassed to tell them that I was struggling so much because when I was around them I didn't struggle as much.

00:18:07.160 --> 00:18:11.265
Yeah, it felt like I could put my attention on something else.

00:18:11.265 --> 00:18:13.402
I could just hang out with them and we could talk and whatever.

00:18:13.402 --> 00:18:27.938
And I don't know, I think I'm just extremely social too and I'm not extrovert, you are, yeah, but yeah, I think that there still was a lot of judgment.

00:18:27.938 --> 00:18:29.000
Even it was like a coping mechanism.

00:18:29.019 --> 00:18:40.441
Being around other people didn't solve the problem, it just got me through and then, of course, when I went through what we talked about in the first podcast, the second, pregnancy, and then the adoption, all of that, it was all.

00:18:40.441 --> 00:18:52.439
Throughout that entire journey there was so much self-judgment and so much fear and so much pressing down at these sensations of emotions in my body that I didn't want to feel and having them continue to come up and spiral.

00:18:52.439 --> 00:18:55.576
It really was how I lived my life and I think a lot of people do.

00:18:55.576 --> 00:19:02.077
I don't think people realize that they are capable of feeling the sensation that there's other options.

00:19:02.138 --> 00:19:03.844
Yeah, yes, I agree.

00:19:03.844 --> 00:19:08.867
I feel like until I started really just being like, how do I fix this other than medicine?

00:19:08.867 --> 00:19:12.824
And it wasn't in my head, it was like therapy and supplements.

00:19:13.104 --> 00:19:14.776
I think therapy absolutely has its place.

00:19:14.776 --> 00:19:26.685
It does it's more in the past, and that's why I chose to dive headfirst into coaching, because coaching is about the future, it's really about getting results, the results you're looking for.

00:19:26.894 --> 00:19:35.365
Yeah, that's what worked for me, and I want to say therapy works for a lot of people and there's lots of great types of therapy and exploring the source is a great part of therapy.

00:19:35.365 --> 00:19:47.744
But for me, I always needed a very solution-focused therapist, because I've just got to move through, I've got to figure out the solution to the problems and, yeah, I think that was what turned everything around for me.

00:19:47.744 --> 00:19:51.546
It's what is happening with me and how do I fix it?

00:19:51.546 --> 00:19:52.820
Because I can't fix anybody else.

00:19:52.820 --> 00:19:55.202
I can only change my reaction to everybody else.

00:19:55.202 --> 00:19:59.800
I have say what you want and feel what you want about Dr Phil, but he always said the only person you can change is yourself.

00:19:59.800 --> 00:20:05.959
And so I get that stuck in my head where it's like okay, well then.

00:20:05.959 --> 00:20:06.740
So what am I going to change?

00:20:06.740 --> 00:20:09.345
What am I going to do to stop letting the circumstances control my reaction?

00:20:09.345 --> 00:20:12.215
Because clearly I have free will.

00:20:12.215 --> 00:20:14.968
So how do I exercise that free will so that I'm more mentally?

00:20:15.008 --> 00:20:15.309
healthy.

00:20:15.309 --> 00:20:20.202
We talk about manual work a lot Like we have a manual for everyone in our lives how they should act.

00:20:20.202 --> 00:20:23.036
And the manual is how we would act.

00:20:23.036 --> 00:20:27.856
So I have a manual for the lady who checks me out at the grocery store and bags my stuff.

00:20:27.856 --> 00:20:29.586
She should put all the cold stuff in one bag.

00:20:29.586 --> 00:20:30.672
That's my manual for her.

00:20:30.711 --> 00:20:34.137
And if she doesn't do it, I could sit in judgment or roll my eyes like she's doing it wrong.

00:20:34.137 --> 00:20:40.846
And then our manual for her husband is a phone book so long, so big, but the thing is, nobody's read your manual Exactly.

00:20:41.067 --> 00:20:52.138
And so you have to understand, and the thing that I've been playing around with lately and realizing is when I'm sitting in judgment or frustration trying to control somebody else like when you change then I can be happy.

00:20:52.138 --> 00:20:55.907
When I'm doing that, my power is all outside of me.

00:20:55.907 --> 00:21:14.547
But as soon as I'm able to give them permission to be exactly how they are, but as soon as I'm able to give them permission to be exactly how they are, like oh, they just have a different way of doing things or they have different values than me as soon as I realize that and I give them permission to be exactly who they are, all of a sudden I take my power back and now I get to decide how I want to handle that.

00:21:14.547 --> 00:21:16.248
Yeah, do I want to put up a boundary?

00:21:16.248 --> 00:21:18.709
Do I want to not spend as much time with that person?

00:21:18.709 --> 00:21:19.569
Do I want to?

00:21:19.569 --> 00:21:24.093
Like, I get to make decisions when I get my power back to me.

00:21:24.093 --> 00:21:31.483
But if I'm sitting there judging everyone else, it's like I'm handing my power out to everybody else because I need them to change.

00:21:31.483 --> 00:21:32.204
That was a big aha for me.

00:21:32.244 --> 00:21:33.007
I took a class.

00:21:33.007 --> 00:21:35.472
I think it was 2020.

00:21:35.472 --> 00:21:39.448
I was in that struggle spot and I took this class online.

00:21:39.448 --> 00:21:44.851
I reached out to two girlfriends that I really wanted to get closer to and I said would you guys want to take this class together?

00:21:44.851 --> 00:21:53.226
We started taking it online and we would meet every week and discuss, and in the class, this woman, jess Lively, ended up introducing this thing called heart math.

00:21:53.226 --> 00:21:55.298
Have you ever heard of heart?

00:21:55.720 --> 00:21:56.501
math.

00:21:56.501 --> 00:21:58.606
I feel like you've talked to me about it.

00:21:58.606 --> 00:22:01.934
I think at Christmas, when we were talking, you might have talked about it a little.

00:22:01.994 --> 00:22:05.243
Yeah, I probably brought it up because I think you would love it because it's so science-based.

00:22:05.265 --> 00:22:16.150
Yeah yeah, it's all about science, but it's all the stuff that I was learning to know to be true, which is the power of breath, the power of getting into your body, all of that.

00:22:16.150 --> 00:22:18.644
But they actually have all the science behind it.

00:22:18.644 --> 00:22:28.696
Oh, nice, actually have all the science behind it, and so I went through a certification with them and that's where I really that's, I think, the beginning of really me starting to dive deeper into this kind of somatic work.

00:22:28.696 --> 00:22:37.964
But I would say it's called heart coherence is what they teach, which is basically balanced state where the heart and the mind and the emotions are all aligned.

00:22:37.964 --> 00:22:44.997
Okay, so it really can improve your resilience, mental clarity, physical wellbeing.

00:22:44.997 --> 00:22:48.906
Honestly, it's what you're doing in that moment in the hospital.

00:22:48.906 --> 00:22:51.768
When you take that deep breath, you're getting into a heart coherent state.

00:22:51.768 --> 00:23:06.169
That's why you're able to channel all of that Right, and so, as a new mother or postpartum, being able to drop into your heart like that and be able to get in that heart coherent state, it really does help you with all of this.

00:23:06.230 --> 00:23:12.366
I think that's one of the biggest tools I want to teach people is getting into heart coherency and it's super, super easy to do.

00:23:12.366 --> 00:23:13.940
You can tell us how to do it.

00:23:13.940 --> 00:23:27.366
I can Do, you want me to do it and actually, because it's based in science, at HeartMath we actually have a scripted meditation to take you into this, and the whole point of it is to be able to do it in the moment, with your eyes open.

00:23:27.366 --> 00:23:30.383
So it's not like a deep meditative state, it's more of a.

00:23:30.383 --> 00:23:34.598
I want you to be able to access this at any moment so I can walk through it.

00:23:34.598 --> 00:23:36.362
But, yeah, I like to close my eyes.

00:23:36.362 --> 00:23:39.566
It's up to you, and if you're in a place and you're listening and you can do that, that's great.

00:23:39.566 --> 00:23:44.780
I also like to put my hand over my heart just to ground me there, and it's just going to take a minute.

00:23:44.835 --> 00:24:01.707
But all you're going to do is you're going to feel yourself drop down from your head and into your heart and you're going to imagine that you can breathe in and out of your heart, breathing a little bit deeper and a little bit slower than usual.

00:24:01.707 --> 00:24:18.403
You're just going to find a rhythm of breath that feels comfortable to you and as you continue, your heart focus, breaths.

00:24:18.403 --> 00:24:35.731
You're going to feel into a sensation of joy or peace by thinking about a person or maybe a place that you can tune into that feeling of peace or joy.

00:24:35.731 --> 00:24:41.586
Maybe it's picturing someone you love, their eyes looking up at you.

00:24:41.586 --> 00:25:03.205
Maybe it's picturing your favorite vacation spot and picturing yourself there, and then you're going to breathe into that sensation of joy, that sensation of peace into your heart and release any feelings that feel stagnant.

00:25:04.096 --> 00:25:05.020
You're ready to breathe out.

00:25:05.020 --> 00:25:14.805
So breathe in that joy, breathe in peace, breathe out anything that's ready to go.

00:25:14.805 --> 00:25:29.867
I'm just going to take another deep breath here, make this the deepest breath you've taken all day, hold at the top and then release, wiggle your shoulders, blink, open your eyes.

00:25:29.867 --> 00:25:37.941
So that was not exactly on script, but it gives you an idea of what it feels like to get into that heart coherent state.

00:25:37.941 --> 00:25:39.087
Could you feel any different, kelly?

00:25:39.107 --> 00:25:41.439
just doing that really quick, yeah, and I feel like that's what I do.

00:25:41.439 --> 00:25:47.807
It feels like what I did in the hospital, where I just take a deep breath and I'm like I am calm, I'm okay, I need to focus.

00:25:49.675 --> 00:25:51.619
But we do it naturally more than you realize.

00:25:51.619 --> 00:26:03.528
But when I realized that it was so funny when I was learning this and how to do it, I remember my family really well, my family debates for fun.

00:26:06.036 --> 00:26:09.781
We find it entertaining to play devil's advocate.

00:26:09.781 --> 00:26:12.807
It's like a psychological workout.

00:26:12.807 --> 00:26:15.778
We love to just talk things out.

00:26:15.778 --> 00:26:17.722
That's just how I grew up.

00:26:17.722 --> 00:26:19.106
That's what we do in my house for fun.

00:26:19.106 --> 00:26:21.239
But we get fired up.

00:26:21.239 --> 00:26:23.165
Yes, you do, yeah, yeah.

00:26:23.414 --> 00:26:34.321
And my father and I were having a heated discussion about something, and I remember it was while I was going through my training for heart math, and I remember just getting into a heart coherent state and it was fascinating.

00:26:34.321 --> 00:26:35.721
This is the coolest thing about it.

00:26:35.721 --> 00:26:36.961
And they have studies.

00:26:36.961 --> 00:26:45.459
You can you actually I would love for you to look at this.

00:26:45.459 --> 00:26:47.286
They have studies proving that this happens when you're in a conversation with someone.

00:26:47.286 --> 00:26:48.691
If you can get to heart coherency, it calms their heart rate down too.

00:26:48.691 --> 00:26:51.019
And so that's when I noticed dad and I were both getting fired up.

00:26:51.019 --> 00:27:09.363
It was a topic we both felt really passionately about and I just brought myself into heart and I didn't have to do the whole meditation, I didn't have to close my eyes, I just did those deep breaths really dropped down into my heart, and he calmed and we ended up having a much more productive conversation, and that is when I was like, whoa, what is this?

00:27:09.363 --> 00:27:09.643
This?

00:27:09.722 --> 00:27:10.605
feels magical.

00:27:10.665 --> 00:27:19.682
Sorcery, yes, and now I literally live my life in that state and especially, I know this is like a podcast for a lot of women that just had babies.

00:27:19.682 --> 00:27:21.144
Let me tell you, buckle up.

00:27:21.144 --> 00:27:24.601
For teenage years people, you need some heart.

00:27:24.601 --> 00:27:27.267
If you don't need heart, go see a heresy with a baby or a toddler.

00:27:27.267 --> 00:27:38.018
Just wait until the teen years, and it has helped me tremendously to be able to take those few deep breaths when they come at you with something where you're like I want to rain your neck right now.

00:27:39.923 --> 00:27:40.944
Having a nine-year-old girl.

00:27:40.944 --> 00:27:44.413
Oh, buckle up, girl a nine-year-old girl.

00:27:44.413 --> 00:27:49.758
Oh, buckle up, girl, I don't even have a girl.

00:27:49.758 --> 00:27:50.299
Yeah, I know, I hope whoa.

00:27:50.299 --> 00:27:52.125
I'm like I didn't anticipate it happening this early, but okay here we go.

00:27:52.144 --> 00:27:54.310
Kelly, you've got a lot because you.

00:27:55.315 --> 00:27:57.138
I know we're a lot, I know.

00:27:59.583 --> 00:28:01.547
So you are, you've got a lot coming at you, girl.

00:28:01.626 --> 00:28:03.069
I see it, I see it starting.

00:28:03.069 --> 00:28:12.005
I'm like oh wow, yep, all right, but hey, look at the tools you have in your tool belt that you're going to be able to handle that.

00:28:12.606 --> 00:28:32.863
Yeah, and the truth is it's okay, they're okay, it's like you say to yourself in the hospital, I'm okay and honestly, I know it sounds crazy, but when something comes at you that feels triggering the words, I'm safe in this moment because I think we're so quick to spiral into stories and worst case scenario stories.

00:28:32.863 --> 00:28:39.582
It's for me, it's the teenager who makes a bad decision and you're like now you're going to end up in jail and you're the kind of what's with your integrity, all of this stuff?

00:28:39.582 --> 00:28:41.645
And it's like in the moment I'm like take a deep breath.

00:28:41.946 --> 00:28:51.421
We're safe in this moment, Like what a blessing that he's coming to me and we can have this conversation right Like what a quick shift that changes everything for us to move forward.

00:28:51.461 --> 00:29:00.642
Sure, my website is emilyfinnellcom and I offer one-on-one coaching for six-month packages where we can really deep dive.

00:29:00.642 --> 00:29:07.067
I think I specialize mostly in helping people tune into their purpose.

00:29:07.067 --> 00:29:09.041
What is it that they're wanting to create?

00:29:09.041 --> 00:29:14.522
And then, like we were saying earlier about how coaching is more about it's really getting the results right.

00:29:14.522 --> 00:29:19.299
But the work I do, it's got the somatic, it's got the emotional work.

00:29:19.299 --> 00:29:24.602
What we're doing is we're getting to the root of why you're not getting the results that you want and helping you get those results.

00:29:24.602 --> 00:29:26.321
So that's what we do in one-on-one packages.

00:29:26.321 --> 00:29:43.318
My best friend and I also run a course called Know Yourself Deeply, which is where we bring in something on human design and then we do the somatic coaching like synergistically together, and it is truly a transformational course.

00:29:43.318 --> 00:29:44.303
We are having incredible results with that.

00:29:44.303 --> 00:29:46.372
So we start another one of those in January of 2025.

00:29:46.372 --> 00:29:49.461
So both of those are on my website and then you can move into the lesson.

00:29:49.721 --> 00:30:06.835
Yeah, okay, yeah, that's not how I wanted to handle that I find that like the more I and I think I saw this on some parenting podcast learning to not have a dramatic reaction like really keeping your face, and I'm sure you probably have to do that kind of stuff in the hospital.

00:30:06.835 --> 00:30:08.862
I'm okay with that every day.

00:30:08.862 --> 00:30:11.579
Yeah, all the time You're like interesting.

00:30:11.579 --> 00:30:12.884
Yeah, tell me more.

00:30:13.325 --> 00:30:14.698
Yeah, tell me more about that.

00:30:14.698 --> 00:30:16.362
Explain that a little, I'm not following.

00:30:17.325 --> 00:30:18.007
Yeah, yeah.

00:30:26.555 --> 00:30:27.959
But it's a muscle you got to work out the calm face, exactly.

00:30:27.959 --> 00:30:28.701
Yeah, I love that, oh my gosh.

00:30:28.721 --> 00:30:32.251
Okay, so that's the dropping into your heart, and then I feel like there was something else that we we talked about talking yourself through.

00:30:32.251 --> 00:30:40.638
Yes, really, having what I call anchor statements right, like an anchor statement is like a statement that as soon as I start feeling this heightened anxiety, I'm able to and I am safe.

00:30:40.638 --> 00:30:42.260
I'm safe is a good one.

00:30:42.260 --> 00:30:47.529
Another one, especially, I think postpartum is is just understanding.

00:30:47.529 --> 00:30:53.268
I wish somebody would have said to me you're going to feel weird, everything is going to feel off.

00:30:53.515 --> 00:30:54.637
That's the whole thing about.

00:30:54.637 --> 00:31:00.320
There's a word and I'm not even sure if I'm pronouncing it right mattress sense or whatever where it's like I don't know this word.

00:31:00.320 --> 00:31:03.006
This word means the birth of a mother.

00:31:03.006 --> 00:31:12.705
Oh, so you're not just having a birth of a baby, You're becoming a whole new person, physically, emotionally.

00:31:13.755 --> 00:31:15.121
It's like an identity shift.

00:31:17.199 --> 00:31:20.286
It's like going through puberty immediately.

00:31:20.286 --> 00:31:23.202
Yeah, it's a greater shift than menopause.

00:31:23.202 --> 00:31:24.615
It's a greater shift than puberty.

00:31:24.796 --> 00:31:32.086
It happens that fast, instant, and you probably have expectations of how it should feel, yeah.

00:31:32.086 --> 00:31:42.188
And if you don't meet those expectations like you're not like some of those moms that are like, as soon as I saw the baby's face, I just and I always was like I felt, oh, I should be feeling something different.

00:31:42.188 --> 00:31:43.401
I remember that was my first thought.

00:31:43.401 --> 00:31:44.619
Should I be super connected?

00:31:44.619 --> 00:31:46.682
I don't know, but, granted, I had a C-section.

00:31:46.682 --> 00:31:47.256
I was all like.

00:31:47.256 --> 00:31:49.361
I just remember being like my mouth is really dry.

00:31:49.361 --> 00:31:50.903
Do you have milk or a baby?

00:31:50.903 --> 00:31:52.488
I'm like my mouth is dry, yeah.

00:31:53.116 --> 00:31:55.064
And I had all this judgment about myself.

00:31:56.565 --> 00:32:04.192
Yeah, a certain way, but wow, that is interesting I never thought about from the perspective of you are literally Becoming a whole new person.

00:32:05.298 --> 00:32:07.103
It's a whole new person.

00:32:07.103 --> 00:32:31.900
Yeah, you need to meet yourself again, you need to figure out who you are and you need to tie who you used to be into who you are now and all of the things you're feeling and all of the physical changes, and figure out how to move forward with that person and take care of a tiny little alien, so tiny yeah, I think that's what it is, and it's just knowing that whatever you're experiencing is going to be unique to you.

00:32:32.099 --> 00:32:38.019
But it's okay, you're safe, you're okay, you will recalibrate.

00:32:38.019 --> 00:32:40.904
It's that recalibrating that feels so weird.

00:32:40.904 --> 00:32:57.647
But when you know that, when you're able to look at a mother of a two-year-old and a mother of a 10-year-old and mother of a 15-year-old, and you're able to be like she's okay, she has recalibrated, and you continue to recalibrate, but it's that initial recalibration that feels so crazy.

00:32:58.147 --> 00:32:59.068
Because you don't realize.

00:32:59.068 --> 00:33:00.390
You're going to have to do it.

00:33:00.390 --> 00:33:01.790
You're going to have to figure out who you are.

00:33:01.790 --> 00:33:03.752
You're going to have to figure out how to get to know yourself.

00:33:03.752 --> 00:33:11.455
You just expect you're going to take yourself into this other situation just like you have for the previous lifetime, right?

00:33:11.455 --> 00:33:12.018

Embracing Postpartum Emotions with Emily Finnell

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