Kiyah Catron, BSN, RN - Natural Deliveries

[00:00:00] Track 1: Hello. Today I have with me Kia Catron. Kia is a labor nurse and a mother of two. She is here today to tell her birth stories. Kia, welcome and thank you for joining me.

[00:00:12] Kiyah: Hey, you welcome.

[00:00:14] Track 1: I'm so excited to hear your stories. I've heard one of them. I wanna hear both of them, but they're so good

[00:00:20] Kiyah: Yes.

[00:00:21] Track 1: I'm so excited. So if you would love to go ahead and get started with your first birth, I wanna hear about that.

[00:00:27] Kiyah: so had Dominique in 2015, so I remember leading up to my due date, I was thinking like, oh my gosh, how would I know when I'm going into labor? everyone tells you all these different things that you made, like your water may break, you may have bloody show. All this stuff. I went to my last week appoint. my midwife was like, oh, you're probably gonna past your due date. And I'm like, what? And then, my due date was February 6th. actually I made it to 39 and six because on February [00:01:00] 5th. I woke up at like five in the morning. and I was crampy. and I remember I went to the bathroom and then when I went to the bathroom, there was, a little glob that fell out and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is probably my mucus plug. Cause I like been reading all this stuff and then I was like, oh my goodness. the, articles I have read, it said that it could be like a day or it could be like two weeks until you go into labor. So I'm like, oh my gosh, I am gonna go past my due date. was like at. around six 30. I started to cramp really bad. I remember I'm like, oh my gosh, I think this is it. I tried to deal with it, because I didn't want to go to the hospital early because, the plan was to deliver at a birth center, but then the birth center, became short staffed, so they had to close down the birthing, side.

So we had de deliver at the hospital. So my whole plan was stay at home as long as I could and, go to the hospital when it became too much. So, six in the morning [00:02:00] started, cramping. and then of course, I guess I started to, I didn't know if they were contractions or not, but they started to get painful where I was crying. So then I called my midwife and they were how far apart they are. Of course, I thought they were. every minute. But then when I actually started counting them, they were, I wanna say maybe five to 10 minutes apart, but then end up falling asleep because , I remember I was like crying then I remember woke up and I was like, oh my gosh, was I that tired?

Or like, I don't know, maybe after a few contractions I just fell. But then when I woke up, of course I woke up to pain. So I end up getting in the shower and I like just ran the hot water until it wouldn't run anymore. I remember it was maybe like around two or three o'clock in the afternoon where I was like, the hot water's not running anymore. told Dominique's dad, like I, I told [00:03:00] him to get me applesauce and, granola bars. Cause I was told that I may not be able to eat at the hospital, but this was something I was gonna take with me and just eat it when nobody was around So, had had him get that. and I remember I was like trying to stay strong and like, like, oh, I'm gonna take eat some apple sauce or eat a granola bar.

I didn't want none of it. So like around, I wanna say it was probably 3:00 PM Yeah, I'm gonna say maybe I left out of the house. It was sometime, I can't really remember the timeframes, but I wanna say like around 3:00 PM we end up going to the hospital. At that time I lived I'm gonna say like 30, 40 minutes away from the hospital.

Cause so once we got there, I remember the whole ride there. like, I can't take this. when I wasn't having a contraction, I was fine. So I remember when I walked up, I said like, I think I'm in labor. I was like crying on the way up, but once I got up there, I was okay. So I told whoever was sitting there, I'm like, I think I'm in labor. They asked me for my name and stuff and [00:04:00] then she was like, oh, you're not in labor cuz you're not crying or something, she said, and I like bust out crying. And she's like, I was just joking, like, I'm not in the mood for joking Like, so I like started crying and then she's like, no, I was just joking. We're gonna check you and blah, blah, blah. So, I guess so at this time I didn't know anything about where I was going and stuff, so I guess I went to triage because then, checked me and I wanna say I was three centimeters. they decided to keep me. I don't remember what was going on at that time. I remember they decided to keep me and I end up getting a room and then I, got my IV and everything and they were just gonna let me continue to labor my own. Cause I didn't, I didn't wanna epidural. I had a doula. And then my doula was, I believe she was on her way. I can't remember what time it was when she arrived, but I remember before she got there I was in a lot of pain Dominique's dad was, just nervous, so he didn't know what to do and I'm just crying, like through the contractions.

And [00:05:00] I remember my nurse told me, she's like, you should just get an epidural. And I was like, no, I don't want an epidural. So then, I, I remember at one point I end up saying like, I didn't wanna see her. and I didn't see her again. So I guess I got me a new nurse, but I really just don't I don't know what happened.

Cause I, I kind of don't remember, but I remember I was like, I don't wanna see her again. Cause I kept feeling like she was trying to make me get an epidural just because she seen that I was in pain. But that's what I wanted to do. Like, didn't understand why she kept saying that. so then I wanna say later on that night, they checked me again and I wanna say, I may have still been three centimeters. then they decided to break my water. they broke my water then after that, of course the pain was still a lot. I was just, my doula was there at this point. She was like trying all these different things to like, think of a place I wanna go. And I'm just like, I can't do that.

This hurts. [00:06:00] So I remember I was on hands and knees for a while. She was like massaging my. And then I wanna say at some point, I remember I had got new bae, so I wanna, I wonder if that happened before I got my water broken after. I just remember that when I got the new bae, I still felt everything, but I felt like I didn't care.

Like it was like, it was such a weird feeling that I feel. I probably wouldn't do that again. Cause I was like, I felt like I was there and just like, ouch, this hurts. But I feel like I wasn't even talking I don't really remember what I was doing in those moments. that, I wanna say it was probably like one or two in the morning.

Cause I remember my, my mom was there and my mom was nervous because she, my mom had c-sections with me and my brother, so she just wasn't used to. seeing, especially me going through so much pain and she didn't know if it was normal. So she kept asking my doula like, is this okay? Is this normal? is she gonna be fine? [00:07:00] gonna say like two or three in the morning. I was like feeling pain and I was just, I was just cry. I felt like I cried the entire time. Then I wanna say I feel like I fell asleep again or something. Cause I remember when I woke up it was like, Six or seven in the morning. I remember I was getting a new nurse and I I was starting to get to this point of like feeling a lot of pain.

But I told her I was okay. Cause I remember I called her back in the room maybe like 10 minutes later and I was like, I have to push. I have to push. She was like, I was just in here and you said you were okay. And I'm like, no, now I'm not okay. and she was like, no, you have to wait.

You have to. I remember I got on my hands and knees and like started to bear down And I guess the midwife hadn't come in to check me yet cause I can't remember who was in the room at this point. So then I remember the midwife came in and she like checked me and I guess I was she was like, go ahead and push.

But I was screaming cause I remember she had everyone in the room stop. She was like, [00:08:00] I need everyone to calm down. She told your heart is beating faster than the babies. you have to calm down. like, calm down then we like stop for a second. And then she was like, you feel that urge again? Push. So we did that. I pushed, I remember I started pushing at, seven 50. and he was born at 10. It did not feel like that long though. I didn't feel like I was pushing that long. But I guess at first I wasn't pushing effectively cause I remember I was just like screaming and stuff. I guess that's what happened. and then he came out at 10? 10? cause that was the thing that was getting me through my labor is that I kept saying I was gonna have him. the next hour or two hours. So I'll look at the clock and it was like midnight.

And I'm like, okay, he's gonna be born at 2:00 AM and then 2:00 AM will come. And I'm like, he's gonna be born at 4:00 AM Like I kept telling myself these times. So that's why I have [00:09:00] seven 50 stuck in my head. That's why I think that's when I started pushing. But I don't really know I feel like I still have that time in my head that I looked at the clock and it was like seven. I know it was something 50 and then they had Dominique

[00:09:15] Track 1: I love how you got through that though, because when you look at the clock and you're like, okay, I'm gonna have him at this time, and you get to that time and it's not there, you're like, okay, no, but I just did this hour, so now I can do this other hour. And you just keep tricking yourself into doing it.

and I also love the fact that.

[00:09:30] Kiyah: Mm-hmm.

[00:09:31] Track 1: Doula and the midwives help you stay in control and so I love that she was like, okay, listen, you can't be all over the place right now.

we need to take all that energy that you have right now that's just kind of going everywhere and focus into this one area. and we're gonna put all our power there and then we're going to, we're gonna do this. And then once you are able to like harness all that energy and focus it, then you can have that baby.

just, you just really need people to coach you into that place. I think that, that [00:10:00] honestly just as labor nurses, it's something we could really, really learn to do because we are like your labor nurse. , she saw you in pain. She didn't want you in pain.

It's hard to watch, right? So you see someone crying, you see your patient crying. You're at this nurse's station, you hear them screaming down the hall, you walk in, they're like, no, I'm okay. You know, it's really hard. As nurses, we are so used to fixing things and doctors, they, same thing. We fix things.

We're, we're here from a clinical perspective in the hospital, makes you ask people their pain level and

It's hard to take yourself out of that situation and see someone in pain or see someone working through those feelings and releasing that energy in order to deal with it because it is, it is a somewhat normal pain.

[00:10:42] Kiyah: right?

[00:10:43] Track 1: know what I mean? Like it is physiologically normal thing that we're going through,

[00:10:47] Kiyah: Mm-hmm.

[00:10:48] Track 1: it's just so hard to let women do that. And we need to be there to support and coach them. That's, that's why we have doulas. That's why we have, the support people at the bedside because nurses we have multiple patients, so,

[00:10:59] Kiyah: right? [00:11:00] And I re, and I believe, like when I was there, it was only like maybe. um, two or three other patients on the floor. Cause I remember other nurses like another midwife like came in my room and was like, you're a rockstar. keep doing it. Cause I'm, I'm sure they probably heard me down the hall

[00:11:18] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:11:18] Kiyah: that felt good too to like have other, staff just come in saying like, you're doing great.

Like I know this

[00:11:25] Track 1: Right.

[00:11:25] Kiyah: that wasn't even my nurse or my midwife, but they were

[00:11:28] Track 1: Yeah,

[00:11:29] Kiyah: saying like, I hear you and you're doing amazing,

[00:11:31] Track 1: so you ended up not having an epidural for your first, and then what happened with your second? This is the best story ever.

[00:11:40] Kiyah: So Knox I, the plan was to do the same thing. And I remember once I said this to my mom, my mom was like, do you remember how much pain you were in with Dominique? And I'm like, well, I don't think it was that bad. I just kept saying like, I remember crying and [00:12:00] I just don't remember. the specifics of it, I don't remember The pain of it, or it's just like now it's just like I can tell a story about it, but I feel like I don't remember those like. yeah, this was painful. now even bringing it up now, like I remember the ring of fire from Dominique. I was just like, ah, I don't wanna push him out. I felt like everything was going birth, but with Knox I was like, oh, I'm gonna do it again.

And this time I really wanted to deliver at the birth center. The birth center was back open. the midwives, they're well staffed. I'm like, great. I get my chance. Like I can do this. and then working in labor and delivery. I feel like I stayed active and I'm like, I can really do this. And of course as I get closer to my due date, I probably had a few, natural patients and like just being with them and I'm just like, oh, wow. Am I gonna be able to do this? Cause this is a lot. And just seeing how comfortable someone gets after their epidural too. Now as a. I see it [00:13:00] all the time where I'm like, someone's in pain. They come in and they get their epidural and they're like, just the most peaceful, and happiest person on earth. so I started to see both ends and was starting to feel like I was being tugged back and forth of like, oh wow, should I do this at the birth center, or, should I, get a epidural? So anyway, I was just like, I, I, and then I, I prayed about it too cause I was like, you know what, whatever's meant to happen is supposed to happen because at first, Knox was breached and I was like, oh no, this baby has to flip So I like started to go to a chiropractor and everything. So he ended up flipping.

I'm like, okay, still go to the birth center. was checked on a Tuesday, I wanna say a Tuesday or Wednesday. and they, she said I wanted my membrane stripped cuz I was due that Sunday. And I was like, oh, if you can, can you strip my membranes? So when she checked she was like, you're about three to four centimeters.

And like, I can feel the bag. She's like, I don't wanna strip your membranes because I'm scared [00:14:00] I could break your water. So I'm like, are you serious? And a part of me is like, she's just saying that cause she don't want she don't wanna strip my membranes. But, that day, Um, I was supposed to go to work the following day cause I worked to the very end. that night before work, which was Thursday, I started to cramp. and of course now I know what contractions feel like. I'm like, oh, I'm contracting. I feel the tightness at the top of my stomach. That's, and it was like, I felt like it was every two to three minutes I'm like, oh, maybe I'm really, I really am going to go into labor. So I called out of work. And then when I woke up that morning, nothing, I'm like, are you kidding me? went through Thursday, I was walking, Dominique, and Steven, we would walk and then Dominique is getting excited. he's just like, oh my gosh, I'm my baby's baby brother is gonna be due soon.

And he has no idea like what's about to happen. So, Thursday we were walking and I'm like, uh, still nothing. Then I like tried [00:15:00] to do the, mouse circuit. I tried to do everything. I'm like, let me just do everything. Friday came and then Dominique had football practice. We went to football practice. Once he, came home, it was like eight o'clock. We walked around the neighborhood and I was like walking up the stairs. I'm just doing a lot. And when I come in the house, I'm like, oh my goodness. It looks like my, stomach has dropped. And then Dominique and Steven are like, And then Dominique, of course, is like agreeing with me.

He like, yeah, look like it's like sitting on your lap. And I'm like, no, really? I feel like my stomach has dropped, but I'm like, maybe it already had dropped and I just didn't notice. then I sit down on the floor and then Steven goes to get food, Dominique's about to take a shower. in the house folding clothes on the floor and I like to sit on the floor.

So I, instead of sitting on the couch, sat on the floor and I was like sitting with my legs crossed and. I wanna say it was almost 10 o'clock and I heard a, [00:16:00] like a little pop and I was like, is that my water? I'm like, did my water just break? So I'm like, I don't know.

Cause I really just heard a pop. I stood up and like went to walk to my kitchen, and as I got to the kitchen, the pain just started and I'm like, oh my gosh. And then it just started flowing down my legs. So then Dominique's about to get in the shower. I'm like, Dominique, you cannot get in the shower. I'm like, I need to sit on the toilet. I went in there and sat on the toilet. I don't know why I did that. I started to feel like all this pressure. And it's just, it's just still just coming out. Just coming out. So then Dominique, I'm like, Dominique calls Steven cuz Steven was going to get food. Steven comes back cuz he thought we were joking.

He's like, stop joking. I'm like, I'm not, I'm screaming. So then he comes in and he was like, oh, we need to go to the birth center. I'm like, no, take me to the hospital, like, he was like, are you sure? I remember he asked me maybe twice. I'm like, no, I'm going to the hospital. All I could think in my head, [00:17:00] I'm not doing this again.

Like I'm like, I want an epidural and I want it now. I just started to think of all the times I have seen people come in and get their epidural and they were comfortable. I'm like, I'm getting that. I'm like, oh my gosh, this pain is intense. It was like, I can't even describe it. and the thing was it, I feel like it was the cramping and the pressure that was just way too much.

It made, and I always say this, but I know it sounds weird. You know how like when you put a tampon in and you feel like the tampon is like in a weird spot and you feel that little, it's like pushing against you. That's how I felt with his head. Like it was weird. It felt like something that needed to come out but was like stuck.

I don't know. It

[00:17:46] Track 1: like pinchy, like a pinchy feeling. Mm-hmm.

[00:17:51] Kiyah: Yes, that's what it was. It was definitely a pinchy feeling. And then with this excruciating cramping going across your stomach, so [00:18:00] we get in the car. I remember I couldn't sit straight on my bottom cause I like, I was just sitting on something, so I was like, turn sideways in the car, in the backseat, and Dominique tells me all the time, all I kept to saying was, oh my God, And I like said that all the way to the hospital and getting to the hospital.

Once again, I still live on the same side of town. It takes about 40 minutes to get there, but Steven was driving. He was trying to get there. I think he was just really nervous. Cause I was in all this pain. We didn't even have time to drop Dominique off anywhere. because me also being a labor and delivery nurse, I'm like, I'm feeling all this pressure.

My water broke. This is my second baby. think he's coming. think he's gonna come fast. So once we get to. the hospital. And then on the ride there, the thing that was getting me through the ride was me knowing the process of an epidural. I'm like, when I get here, they're gonna take me to triage.

They're gonna start my iv, they're gonna get [00:19:00] the fluids going. Like I'm thinking of all this between each contraction. I get there, I get to, triage. I'm like crying. I went on a, in a wheelchair, everything. Cause. acting like a crazy person. Arms everywhere. And I thought I would be well controlled.

I, I was meditating and everything before this. Like, oh, I'm gonna, you know, talk to myself. oh my gosh. It, it just didn't work. So we get in triage, they check me, they said I was six centimeters, and I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm six centimeters. So I'm like, please can. this going cause I really want an epidural. So they draw my blood, they get the iv. and they couldn't keep him on the monitor cause I couldn't keep still, I kept getting off the bed. There was fluids everywhere. Cause I would get off the bed and I remember the monitor kept coming off. I don't think they probably traced him at all unless I was holding it.

Because whenever I would like stop having a contraction, I would hold it. And I apologize to everyone [00:20:00] in the room. I did this after every contraction, I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Cause I remember the girl the nurse was talking to. she was asking me all of these questions. I'm like, can you please stop, stop asking me those questions.

Ask me after I get my epidural, but then I apologize. I'm like, I'm sorry. I can answer your questions. Like I kept going back and forth. So then once we got to my room, which I feel like was about 10 or 15 minutes later, because I, I got to the hospital maybe around 10 40. Then I'm guessing I got into my room maybe around 11, 11, 10. Steven had recorded this video of you hearing me in the room, but when they

[00:20:42] Track 1: you have it? Can you play it

[00:20:43] Kiyah: Yes, I

[00:20:44] Track 1: It's so good. It's so good.

[00:20:59] Track 1: [00:21:00] That's so funny.

[00:21:01] Kiyah: So and that was like around 11, wanna say. That video says like 1113. I remember I was saying like, I feel like I have to push. So they checked me again and I was only eight centimeters. So then they're like, no, not just yet.

So I remember I kept getting on and off the bed, on and off the bed. Cause I remember, remember Steven was like gonna have him on the floor and I'm. No, I'm not. Don't touch me. Cuz he is like, get in the bed. He's trying to like pick me back up to put me in the bed. Mind you, Dominique is here because I had nowhere to take him. and I remember when I first got on the floor, they were like, oh, he can't come here. And I'm like, I will have this baby in the hallway if my, oldest son cannot come in here. So they let him come in there. then next thing you know, I started to feel this urge to push I remember I kept saying, he's coming, he's coming. And my nurse, she had left out and I'm like, where is she going? And I think she was [00:22:00] just so overwhelmed with, I don't know, I dunno. I don't know if she was new or just overwhelmed with me, delivering like unmedicated and like, I just, I was just all over the place that she just was like, I need some extra hands in here.

So when she left out, remember Steven left out with her, like she's about to push him out cause I was on my hands and knees the whole time or off the bed. But when I felt like he was about to come, I turned over on my back. Well, like I was kind of like in a weird squat, like I feel like I was kind of laying back but like had my feet down on the bed and was like pushing him out.

And I remember I just had my hands down there and I'm like, he's coming, he's coming. My midwife was not there yet cuz she was stuck in traffic. the attending, came in and when she came in she was like, yep, he's right here. keep pushing. So I pushed again and then that's when I believe they noticed that he had a tight [00:23:00] Noel because I, I remember her saying that, I remember her saying, tight Noel.

And I guess I believe she cut it before he even came all the way out. And then that's when, she told me, cause I had my hands right there, like where his head was. She needed me to move my hands. And then she also asked me to open my legs wider. Cause I remember I had to actually put my. my legs. and then pushed him. I pushed maybe two more times and then he came out and he was a little stunned. I remember I didn't hear him cry and I remember everyone was, rubbing on him and then I remember they caught some type of code. So I knew that was for him. So I'm like, oh gosh, I didn't even wanna look down at him. I'm like, oh gosh, come on Knox. Come on. And I remember I have a video of that too, where I'm like, oh, come on baby, please. Knox or something. I was. I'm still moaning cause I'm like, this was just a lot. And then, they took him over the, warmer and I, I had him at 1148, so it's like my water broke at 10, got to the hospital at 10 40, got [00:24:00] into the room like around 11, 11 15, I guess, and he was out 30 minutes later.

[00:24:07] Track 1: That's so crazy. So the video, the, you got two videos, right? You got the one where you're like, definitely in transit.

[00:24:14] Kiyah: Yes,

[00:24:14] Track 1: one where you're just like

[00:24:16] Kiyah: yes. And I kept saying, I can't, I can't

[00:24:20] Track 1: right? And then the next video you've got, right after he's born, or was it during the delivery? Did he take a video during the delivery?

[00:24:27] Kiyah: No he

[00:24:28] Track 1: Okay.

[00:24:29] Kiyah: think he was like, I don't know where he, I can't remember where anyone was in the room. Like even him, he was like, I was right there next to you. And I'm like, really? Cause I'm like, I feel like I was just so focused on getting knocks out. I'm like, it is time for him to come out.

[00:24:45] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:24:45] Kiyah: I feel like I didn't feel. I don't remember filling the ring of fire. Cause like with Dominique, it was like the ring of fire and I felt like my butt was going to explode. But with Knox it felt like just was that weird [00:25:00] pinchy feel and I'm just like, oh, just get 'em out. And I felt like, I felt like maybe a little burned towards like the area.

Cause I

[00:25:09] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:25:10] Kiyah: grabbed where my clitoris is like, please

[00:25:12] Track 1: like, stop that

You hang tight girlfriend.

[00:25:18] Kiyah: yes. I was like holding there like, please don't be torn

[00:25:23] Track 1: like if I move my hands, everything's gonna go

[00:25:26] Kiyah: But I didn't tear, I didn't tear with Dominique and I didn't tear with Knox. So

[00:25:30] Track 1: Oh, good.

[00:25:31] Kiyah: happy about that.

[00:25:32] Track 1: Yeah,

[00:25:33] Kiyah: was just so surprised of how fast I had knocked. Like

[00:25:37] Track 1: yeah.

[00:25:37] Kiyah: unbelievable.

[00:25:39] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:25:40] Kiyah: I also told myself, well, I'm happy I made the decision not to go to the, um, birth center just because my midwife was, she was in traffic and where the birth center is, there's a lot of traffic near there.

So I feel like I really would've had knocks in the car outside of the birth center. And for him to [00:26:00] be stunned the way he was, I'm like, that would've been terrifying. So I'm happy I made it to the hospital. and they were able to intervene and get him. He just needed to be suctioned 

[00:26:11] Track 1: also not have that tight cord around his neck.

[00:26:14] Kiyah: Yes. And I'm like, I can only imagine if they were able to keep him on the monitor, how that my contractions,

[00:26:22] Track 1: Oh yeah.

[00:26:23] Kiyah: since I was all over the place, they couldn't get

[00:26:27] Track 1: I mean, as long as he was recovering after the contractions, like you said, you're holding him on there afterwards, and that's the most important, you know.

[00:26:34] Kiyah: Mm-hmm.

[00:26:35] Track 1: recovering. He looks good after the contractions. You know, he came out a little stunned, but otherwise he was ha? What were the Apgars?

Do you remember?

[00:26:42] Kiyah: His first Apgar, I wanna say he had like a, I wanna say it was a three. A three or a

[00:26:47] Track 1: Oh Lord.

[00:26:48] Kiyah: Yes. I wanna say they gave him a three or a four. Actually I have it on his papers card. I remember. I didn't know that until after I was discharged and looked at it.

[00:26:57] Track 1: Mm-hmm.

[00:26:58] Kiyah: oh my gosh. His first [00:27:00] Apgar was so low

[00:27:01] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:27:02] Kiyah: remember the whole NICU team came in, but then they like suctioned him.

Steven did get a video of that too, like when they took him over to the warmer they're like, suctioning him and he was like crying. But when he first came out, he was very floppy, wasn't

[00:27:17] Track 1: Yeah. Do you remember was his five minute nine though?

[00:27:22] Kiyah: Yes. I wanna say, yeah, I wanna say it was nine.

[00:27:25] Track 1: Yeah, he just didn't know he was born. It was so fast. He was just not, he did not get the memo. He's like, it's the middle of the night. I'm ready to sleep.

[00:27:33] Kiyah: Yes.

[00:27:34] Track 1: don't make me breathe. That's hard.

[00:27:36] Kiyah: Right? Uhhuh.

[00:27:38] Track 1: poor little guy. Is there anything that you would tell yourself going back? Is there anything that you would change or yourself to know?

[00:27:46] Kiyah: I would say like, don't be hard on yourself. I feel like I was like setting these expectations, even though I kept I'm gonna just go with the flow. Or I feel like I still in the back of my mind have these expectations said I was gonna do it [00:28:00] unmedicated, and at the birth center, that's what has to happen.

So I'm over here trying to like build myself up to that with doing different exercises. Not saying that doing the exercises and anything are wrong, but I feel it didn't go as planned and that's okay. 

[00:28:14] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:28:15] Kiyah: like, just allow your body to do what it's going to do. You're, you're going to do it.

I feel like it's just hard. You have this picture in your head of how it's gonna go. Even with Dominique and with Knox, I feel like I pictured it two different ways. And like with Knox, I feel like at first was kind of upset that I said go to the hospital when I had always envisioned this, birth center birth.

[00:28:40] Track 1: Mm-hmm.

[00:28:40] Kiyah: it doesn't really. that doesn't matter. I still

[00:28:45] Track 1: No.

[00:28:46] Kiyah: birth my baby and he is fine. And I went with my, with my gut of going to the hospital and, and that's how

[00:28:55] Track 1: Well,

[00:28:56] Kiyah: And it's okay.

[00:28:57] Track 1: right. Yeah. And mom, instinct is really [00:29:00] important. in the moment just do what feels right, because I've heard a lot of moms that had all these plans and then suddenly the moment that you're like, this is not gonna be the way that it. will turn out well. So I'm gonna go with this.

You know, the other thing I heard you saying that you were apologizing to your nurses

[00:29:17] Kiyah: kept

[00:29:18] Track 1: and you didn't do anything wrong. You were just trying to get through and it's just, it's just this funny dynamic because as nurses. . It's just the obnoxious stuff that we have to go through and put in the computer and like, really doesn't matter. I mean, it it does, we can do it after you deliver

[00:29:33] Kiyah: right?

[00:29:34] Track 1: but, but it's just, it's a lot and in the moment it's, there's so much to do.

And then we want to help you get outta pain. and maybe it, it sound like with your second, that's, you know, you would've loved an epidural

[00:29:48] Kiyah: right?

[00:29:48] Track 1: but,

[00:29:50] Kiyah: yes.

[00:29:50] Track 1: but you know, all the things that you were, you were focusing on the car ride, all the things that had to happen to get to that epidural, and then you have to get here and go through those things and it's just [00:30:00] so, ugh.

It just sucks that we have to go through it all. , you know, like it takes like 20, 30 minutes to just get prepared for the epidural. You have to have your platelet count, you have to have your iv, you have to have fluids go in so that your baby doesn't, that your blood pressure doesn't drop and your baby doesn't VCE afterwards.

And even then, it still might happen. And you know, all these things that have to come together, that anesthesiologist has to be ready or the CNA or whoever is doing it at that hospital. And just so much that has to be ready. And then by the time you did get to that point, Your baby was probably ready to come out.

You know

[00:30:34] Kiyah: that's

[00:30:34] Track 1: and then

[00:30:35] Kiyah: get it

[00:30:36] Track 1: right? Y Yeah. And I mean, just the fact that you were like doing the lean in the car,

[00:30:41] Kiyah: right.

[00:30:42] Track 1: girl, you were not having the epidural

[00:30:44] Kiyah: and I, and I told myself that though, even though I was still for it in the room in the back of my head, I'm like,

[00:30:53] Track 1: can't

[00:30:53] Kiyah: I

[00:30:53] Track 1: still.

[00:30:53] Kiyah: is just making you feel good to just, I felt like it was just something for me to [00:31:00] still

[00:31:00] Track 1: was your,

[00:31:00] Kiyah: forward

[00:31:01] Track 1: your ideal that you were like grabbing for you were like, yes, this epidural's gonna fix everything. No, it's not, it's not gonna do a thing

[00:31:08] Kiyah: when they told me I was eight centimeter. I still, in my head, I'm like, I know I'm not getting this epidural,

[00:31:14] Track 1: right?

[00:31:16] Kiyah: no one's helping me. Where's anesthesia? They're like,

[00:31:19] Track 1: Oh,

[00:31:19] Kiyah: waiting for platelets. We're still, I was I'm like trying to plead with them, but

[00:31:25] Track 1: yeah.

[00:31:25] Kiyah: head I'm like, I'm gonna push him out on like the next five minutes.

[00:31:29] Track 1: Right, right. And those are so hallmarks of transition and you had such hard, fast labor. you, I mean, you're not even in your body at that point, right? You're like just, your brain is just in like fight or flight mode and you're just saying things and they don't make. And it's like, and it's so, it's hard.

And just as a perspective of the labor nurse, because I feel like, you know, if from a doula perspective, they kind of know [00:32:00] that. But from a labor nurse perspective, we're told to treat that pain. And it's just so hard when someone is like on another planet saying all these things and you're like, I wanna help you, but A, you're not with us, you're not here.

B.

[00:32:14] Kiyah: my nurse, I feel like she may have. I don't even remember her saying a word. I feel like it was like the, remember the triage nurse was helping her and then, at the hospital they had residents. So I remember a resident was in there like, just breathe with me. Cause I remember she was like, close remember she was close to me and like she, I, I don't know if she wanted to hold my hand or something. And I remember, think.

[00:32:39] Track 1: I can't hold your hand.

[00:32:41] Kiyah: I just like, I just want

[00:32:42] Track 1: What?

[00:32:43] Kiyah: Like

[00:32:43] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:32:44] Kiyah: But

[00:32:45] Track 1: I need space.

[00:32:46] Kiyah: all the thoughts you're having. It's like you know that this is kind of mean I'm like, I just put you outta my face. But I felt mean to like feel like I want her outta my face. I'm just like, oh God. Just, I don't

[00:32:58] Track 1: and that you're just trying to be [00:33:00] polite while you have this alien coming outta your body.

[00:33:05] Kiyah: yes.

[00:33:06] Track 1: We need to normalize the craziness. You know? Really like I'm just gonna be here. Right? And we need to learn how to hold space for people that are just having those moments and just be like, I'm here.

[00:33:18] Kiyah: Right.

[00:33:18] Track 1: at.

Yell at me.

[00:33:20] Kiyah: exactly 

[00:33:21] Track 1: assault me, just yell at me

[00:33:22] Kiyah: Uhhuh

[00:33:23] Track 1: we, you know, we've had those moments where people are like, grabbing you , and you're like, okay, that's assault. Please stop

[00:33:30] Kiyah: Yes. And it's just, and I feel like just the difference with. Knox was like, I knew I knew everything that was going to occur in the room or like how it should occur, or, and that made me feel comfortable too because my midwife wasn't there

[00:33:48] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:33:48] Kiyah: like, oh my gosh, she's about to, she's gonna miss it because I'm like,

[00:33:52] Track 1: right?

[00:33:52] Kiyah: to come.

She came for the, she got there for the placenta

[00:33:56] Track 1: Mm-hmm.

[00:33:56] Kiyah: and then she delivered my placenta. But I feel like it [00:34:00] was like a little comfort of. like working in a hospital and knowing how everything goes. And I was grateful for that cause I'm like,

[00:34:07] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:34:08] Kiyah: if this was my second child and I haven't been working in the hospital?

I wonder how I would've wanting that epidural and really not understanding why I'm not getting it. Like right

[00:34:21] Track 1: Yeah,

[00:34:21] Kiyah: cause you know, I feel like some people come in and they really don't understand the process like,

[00:34:25] Track 1: exactly

[00:34:26] Kiyah: it's gonna go,

[00:34:27] Track 1: right. Yeah. And your nurse can d, your nurse can catch your baby if, if it just falls out of you. You know, there's people there, they have buttons they can push to make all the people come. You have a team that's available, you know, whether your midwife's stuck in traffic or not. There's other people there that can do that.

[00:34:44] Kiyah: So

[00:34:44] Track 1: so you're not alone

[00:34:45] Kiyah: Mm-hmm.

[00:34:47] Track 1: So I guess you did have to like really focus on pushing with both, right?

[00:34:52] Kiyah: Yes. I feel like. With Dominique. I don't know how long I went through that phase of not [00:35:00] pushing 

[00:35:00] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:35:01] Kiyah: I spent a lot of it. Well, not a lot of it, but I know I spent some time just yelling and screaming cuz

[00:35:09] Track 1: Uh huh.

[00:35:10] Kiyah: all this pressure I feel. And I even like when I felt the ring of fire, I felt like I wanted like suck him back in.

I'm like,

[00:35:17] Track 1: Right.

[00:35:17] Kiyah: he has

[00:35:18] Track 1: away from it.

[00:35:19] Kiyah: Yeah. But with Knox, I'm. no, I'm pushing through this. He has to come out like right

[00:35:24] Track 1: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. That's the direction we're going.

[00:35:26] Kiyah: yes.

[00:35:28] Track 1: So it's a little different. So I pushed with epidural for both kids, and I think it's probably a different mindset that you have to have with the epidural versus pushing with, you know, a natural delivery.

[00:35:39] Kiyah: Mm-hmm.

[00:35:39] Track 1: you're talking about this energy that's all over the place.

No, I think that, I think that is across the board.

[00:35:44] Kiyah: Mm-hmm.

[00:35:45] Track 1: have to harness your energy and it's really hard with the epidural. I think a lot of women push in their face or push in their legs.

what did you experience when you're, where were you trying to go? When you were pushing?

[00:35:57] Kiyah: when I was pushing, felt like I had to go [00:36:00] to the bath, go to the bathroom,

[00:36:01] Track 1: Yeah,

[00:36:02] Kiyah: pushing and I know with Knox, that is the only time that I wasn't screaming

[00:36:07] Track 1: when you finally focused.

[00:36:09] Kiyah: Yeah. When I finally knew that it was time to push him out, it was like,

[00:36:12] Track 1: Mm-hmm.

[00:36:13] Kiyah: yay, it's here. Because

[00:36:14] Track 1: Right?

[00:36:15] Kiyah: I was feeling this pressure, but it was that weird pinchy feeling.

[00:36:19] Track 1: Uhhuh.

[00:36:19] Kiyah: finally coming, it was like his head is

[00:36:22] Track 1: You knew?

[00:36:23] Kiyah: coming. And I just started to push. I'm like, he's coming,

down, like pushing like I was going to the bathroom. And then once I felt him coming, it's like I kept pushing towards he has to come. And then even when she needed my legs, like open, wider. That was, and for some reason, I guess maybe my body was in so tense during, that little bit of time when it was time to open my legs, that hurt a little bit to just

[00:36:51] Track 1: Right, cuz you're spreading all those tissues.

[00:36:54] Kiyah: Yes. And I

[00:36:56] Track 1: Yeah. Well there is a method where you close your legs [00:37:00] to prevent tearing.

[00:37:02] Kiyah: Mm-hmm.

[00:37:03] Track 1: I'm not sure. I mean I wasn't there obviously. I'm not sure what she was seeing. Right.

[00:37:07] Kiyah: right?

[00:37:08] Track 1: so it is an unnatural feeling to spread wide

[00:37:12] Kiyah: Yes. Cause

[00:37:13] Track 1: cause you're pulling more.

[00:37:15] Kiyah: like, ow. But I'm like, I know he gotta come out.

[00:37:18] Track 1: Right.

[00:37:18] Kiyah: just like, I just did it when

[00:37:20] Track 1: Right.

[00:37:20] Kiyah: heard the whole thing about the NUCO and all that. I'm like, all right, let me go ahead and really push so

[00:37:25] Track 1: Let's get fierce.

[00:37:26] Kiyah: Yes.

[00:37:28] Track 1: Yeah. So then with the second, it was just easier to like focus your energy with the first, you feel like you're just kind of all over the place trying to get away from it for a while

[00:37:38] Kiyah: yes. Mm-hmm.

[00:37:39] Track 1: then once you finally figured out you need to go into the pain, then

[00:37:42] Kiyah: Yes.

[00:37:43] Track 1: was a lot easier. Yeah.

I think that's important for moms to know, cuz that's hard.

[00:37:48] Kiyah: Yes. And

[00:37:48] Track 1: it's like,

[00:37:49] Kiyah: hard feel like it's hard to tell someone and like try to prepare them. Forward. Like, oh, you just have to do this. It's not like, a handbook of how your [00:38:00] labor Yeah.

[00:38:00] Track 1: it's like throwing someone in a bicycle and just be like, you just have to hop on and go. Right. No, you have, you need in the moment, we don't have a lot of time, but you need some instruction, but you need to actually be.

[00:38:11] Kiyah: right.

[00:38:12] Track 1: the bicycle to understand how to do it, you know, and you don't have a lot of time.

You're gonna have to pick it up real quick cuz you know we're gonna do this. It's hard. It's a lot of coordinating lots of different muscles that you probably never used. It's insane.

[00:38:24] Kiyah: do it. Like I don't know how, but I'm gonna believe in myself and know that

[00:38:28] Track 1: right.

[00:38:28] Kiyah: the right direction and know that my body is capable of doing this.

[00:38:32] Track 1: Yeah.

[00:38:33] Kiyah: for the most part, our body helps too. Cuz it's, there's plenty of times, as a labor and delivery nurse, you see when someone doesn't even push and their baby is literally just

out.

[00:38:44] Track 1: right? 

[00:38:45] Kiyah: Mm-hmm.

[00:38:46] Track 1: Just let it happen. . Well, Kia, thank you so much. Is there anything else that you wanted to share? Anything else that we didn't cover?

[00:38:56] Kiyah: No, no.

[00:38:57] Track 1: You good? All 

[00:38:58] Kiyah: I, everything. [00:39:00] 

[00:39:00] Track 1: Yeah, thank you so much.

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