Mila Little: 3 hospital births, 1 home birth, many life lessons....

[00:00:00] This episode, depicts pregnancy loss listeners who are sensitive to this topic may prefer to skip this episode. 

[00:00:07] Kelly: Hello. Today I have with me Myla. Little Myla is the mother of four and in the health and wellness industry, you can follow her on Facebook and Instagram and you can find that info in the show notes. Myla had a traumatic hospital birth with her first child and then had two beautiful hospital births and a home birth after that. today. She is going to share those journeys with us. Myla, Welcome. 

[00:00:32] Track 1: Yes. Thank you so much for having me. 

[00:00:35] Kelly: I am so excited. I have heard so much about your birth stories and I have been watching

kiddos grow for a long time.

we have mutual friends in the health and wellness industry, so 

I can't wait to hear what you have to say.

[00:00:47] Track 1: Well, I was so honored to even be asked because just listening to birth stories, is so neat to me. I, I could listen to birth stories all day long, and I'd love to share my own birth story as well. So I appreciate you having [00:01:00] me here and I've loved tuning into your podcast and listening to other stories too.

So thank you for that. So we have, four beautiful children. We have two girls and two boys. And, all truly kind of different birth experiences. first off my husband and I had been Mary. We were junior high sweethearts and we just couldn't wait to have a family, have lots of babies, and, So truly just a blessing, to have these children and, started off, our first baby girl and, husband worked outta town a lot.

I was also working full-time. I found a doctor just from a friend who had recommended one that was pretty close to home and close to work. And, she was fine. She, I, I'd heard that, you know, she doesn't have great bedside manner, but she does very good in, just the normal birthing experience.

I thought, well, that's really all I need. I just need to have a baby, right? . So, and I would say that's probably the case. Like I never really just got to know her personally, um, just felt like, okay, we're checking the boxes, things are looking, pretty good. And so, had really a great pregnancy with her, [00:02:00] no issues.

very, very smooth and um, So I was expecting a really smooth birth . and that unfortunately was not the way that it ended up going, but it was a total learning experience that, just changed, my future births ahead. So, um, husband worked out of town. I was a school teacher and, I was very fearful that I was going to go, he was a couple hours away that I was gonna go into go to birth while he was, not home.

And that was kinda my big fear and it was December 28th. was going into work and like I felt some trickling. I'm like, oh my goodness, I think my water like, might be breaking. I was like, I don't know if that was it or not. So I went ahead the next couple hours, I just kinda still felt some leaking.

And so my, um, teachers there, they're like, you need to go in. So I called, my husband made the call and like, I think this is it. I'm headed to the hospital. So, um, I actually had a friend drag me. I was like, I'm totally fine. I don't feel anything. but she's like, no, On the off chance you go into labor in the car, we cannot let you do this.

So I had [00:03:00] a friend drive me to the hospital. My husband was, rushing home because you never know if this is gonna happen right away or the next day like it did for us. and so he made it there. and everything checked and they're like, you know, your water hasn't broke, but you are, you are dilated to a three.

Your, I was very close to my due date. It was about a week away. And they said, know, if you'd like, you're already here. You've, like I said, you've already started dilating. if you want to, we can start Pitocin and we can probably have this baby tonight. And so we kinda went back and forth. My husband's on the way and I'm like, you know what?

if they're saying this baby's this close, let's just, let's just do it. And so, I regret that decision now, but not knowing anything then. And just honestly kind of being fearful of the whole process a little bit. We just did what I mean at the time, what we knew was best. I knew that I would have my husband there.

I knew that I was at the hospital. I wasn't gonna be stranded somewhere. And, it kind of felt like the best case scenario, we would just be patient and wait on the baby.[00:04:00] and it ended up being a very, very long, drawn out I should and birth. So, we just kind of waited and waited.

My husband also, was taking classes and he had to take a final that night, and so we, we ended up breaking my water. right before, he's like, I'm gonna run, take my final really quick. Like nothing was happening, like I wasn't dilated anymore. my parents were there and I just was literally just like, this is going nowhere.

And he's like, Hey, I'll just be gone for like an hour. Let me retake this final. So they broke my water. He ran to take the final and like halfway, like 30 minutes in the contractions, hit hardcore. And I was like, okay, here it is. Before I was feeling nothing. and they just came on really, really, really hard.

And I hadn't had an epidural yet. And at this point I'm like, all right, I'm gonna wait for him to get back here. But I, I knew going in, I really didn't have all that much of a birth plan, to be honest. I just knew that I wanted an epidural and that was it. Like it should really go pretty smooth, right?

Once you have the epidural. I've seen many of my friends just [00:05:00] have everything smooth sailing after that. And, so I got the epidural and it did not do anything for like two hours. I was just really, really, really in pain. And the, you know, they were increasing the Pitocin and that makes your, your, contraction so much harder.

And so, They pull out the epidural, they tried another one and they gave me like a bag of bolus, that's also supposed to help with the pain. And they did, they got me comfortable for a few hours. So I able to sleep for a few hours cause I still wasn't dilated enough to like on labor pushing or anything.

And so it was just, by that time it was, you know, through the middle of the night I kind of was sleeping, kind of wasn't. And by about 6:00 AM everything hit hardcore again. Like, no epidural is doing nothing. I could feel everything. was in a lot of pain. So the doctor came and checked me about seven o'clock and she's like, well, it looks like we're gonna have a baby.

And you're just like, you, you don't even need the epidural. You're gonna do great . So I still had the epidural in, but it wasn't working. And I just at this point knew like, all right, there's no other option. they tried different [00:06:00] things and, Started, my doctor left, which I thought was kind of odd,

my doctor left, and I had a resident that actually just took over. She's like, she's gonna help you get started. And so I'm like, all right. That was . That was odd. I pushed hard for two hours about every three or four minutes, and at that point I was bawling.

I was done, I was begging for a c-section. I'm like, I can't do it anymore. I'm exhausted and I'm in so much pain. And at the time it was just my husband and I in the room. that's all that we had just planned to have us. And so the resident went and got my doctor and they're like, she's giving up.

She's not gonna do this anymore. So my doctor came in and she checked me and she's like, well, this baby's not going anywhere. Her cervix isn't even outta the way. So she like literally jammed her whole entire arm what it felt like, upped me and pushed my cervix outta the way. And I thought I was going to come off of the bed.

like the pain still makes me [00:07:00] sick to my stomach thinking about. And she was like, Nope, we're too far along. She has to have the baby here. And she's like, she needs reinforcement. Go get her mom. Go get her sisters. Go get, like, go get people. So I don't even know who it was cuz I, somebody went and got my, my mom and my sisters and I can, my sisters were behind me and they were just in tears, like hearing the sounds that were coming out of me.

doctor stood at the end of my bed, she's like, we're gonna have to use the forceps. They had The anesthesiologist come back in and she's like, give her anything you can, like whatever can just kill some of this pain. So they gave me, I lost track of how many bags of bolus, honestly.

just to try to edge some of that pain. And, doctor was at the end of my bed and like pumping her arms, like stretching her arms these forceps, not even joking, stretching at the end of this bed. Like, she's about to pull an animal out of me even just the thought of is hard to think about.

So, my sisters were behind me and tears and couldn't even really watch. And I, basically had. My first little baby girl ripped out of me. She came out with, gashes on her head. She was [00:08:00] bleeding. I ended up tearing to the fourth degree. And, after she came out, I, I remember them just announcing the time 10, 18 in the morning after three hours of pushing.

And I just laid there so grateful, praying to God, thank you Lord for this baby. And, and I remember praying during that perfect time, like, God, please don't let me have postpartum depression. God, please don't let me take this outta my baby. Like, please let that bond be there because it was so traumatic.

And, remember just laying there after, she, and they laid her in my chest it was the most incredible, amazing thing. and then, I still had to deliver the placenta, and that fortunately was just, that came out pretty easily. But then I laid there for what felt like 25 minutes for them sewing and sewing and stitching and stitching.

And I could remember it like my mom and I was like, are they almost done? And they're like, it's gonna be a bit like, it just felt like I just laid there while they were still stitching with the baby and still no pain meds. And just felt like I'd been hit [00:09:00] by a total train . had people that wanted to come see me and my, I had busted like blood vessels underneath my eyes, busted blood vessels, like my neck was swollen from pushing so hard for three hours.

but my baby was healthy. I survived . and she's thriving and she's, done wonderful. But it, it was an experience that just totally scarred me for my husband and I wanting more kids and just thinking I can never have another child ever. but God does some pretty incredible things.

he knew we wanted more babies and, he just opened up some doors for, to kind of help ease the fear that I had. enough to consider having kids after that. So that one was, um, An interesting start. That was totally, I, I, I just thought we were going in and it was gonna be pretty smooth.

And in fact, I remember here, there was another lady in another room like screaming. This was before my contractions had started, and I was like, oh my goodness. And my doctor said, oh, don't worry, she's doing this naturally . And I was like, well, that's not me. I've got, I'm gonna have the epidural. And oh, that was me times a lot more because it was, it was pretty, pretty [00:10:00] rough.

and then even afterwards, so coming home I was totally unprepared for, to feel the way that I was. my milk didn't come in for like four or five days. I was wanting to nurse and that was a whole nother challenge in itself. I had, did not anticipate how difficult nursing was gonna be.

heard it was gonna be hard, but I think that, I wish I would've been prepped a little bit more on the whole nursing Um, , I've told people like, it is gonna be one of the hardest parts. if you don't go in with an attitude that says I'm gonna do this no matter what you're, you're probably gonna quit because it hurts.

It's hard, it's uncomfortable. You don't know if you're doing it right. There's unknown. And, but I was determined, after all that I was, I really, really wanted to nurse my babies. So we, we made it work. My milk finally came in. thank goodness I had a lot of wonderful family and, friends that brought meals and things over afterwards.

That kind of helped with the healing because I was sitting on a donut for quite a while and, um, just trying to get through the day-to-day. [00:11:00] and then I was feeling kind of pulling down where they'd done the stitches and I went in, I said, is everything okay?

And she's like, well, it has kind of torn back open, but it's really not anything that we can do right now. Just in the future you might have to have some reconstructive surgery done. So she's like, if you're gonna have more babies, there's really no sense of doing anything else right now. So I just let that heal how it did. it came time to go back to work, um, had initially just planned on taking, eight weeks. And I would, I would just stand up and I would just pee.

Like there was no control. Just stand, like I wouldn't even feel it coming. And after eight weeks I went to my doctor, I'm and I was trying to get a little bit of extra time off of work And her response, So I went and I had just asked her, I'm like, I don't know how I'm supposed to go back to work, with these issues. And she's like, oh, that was not, that's not, has nothing to do with pregnancy or your delivery. Like that's something that had to have been going on before, so I can't approve anything.

And I was like, I've never had this in my life. and um, basically broke down. I just started crying. I had told her like, this has been such some, [00:12:00] a traumatic process. Everything about this has been difficult. I'm just asking for two extra weeks to hope to get control of this. This is embarrassing to go back to have to be, have to do this.

And even with my tear, when she said, I kind of tore back open, her response was, well, I guess the liver be as tight as you were before and. So when I was told not great bedside manner, I used to think it's okay, we'll just make it through as long as she's really good professionally. I would tell anybody, make sure that your, doctor has really great bedside manner, that you are comfortable with them and that you can have a good conversation with them.

I did, once I broke down and I was crying, she was very frustrated. She signed off on my papers for an extra two weeks. I got the two weeks and I never stepped foot back in her office again. Ever . and so that was the traumatic part and i's like, I, I tell people that story not to make anyone fearful of like, oh my gosh, I'm never having kids.

I'm never having a baby because, We made it through it and we still had three more and praise the Lord. we would just put in different directions on different journeys [00:13:00] to truly be able to embrace the birthing process. Because when people would tell me that, you know, birthing is so beautiful, there was zero, nothing.

As much as I love my baby,

there was nothing beautiful about my first birth at all.

So, anyways, yes. 

[00:13:16] Kelly: planning on doing

[00:13:16] Track 1: um, 

[00:13:17] Kelly: manner. That was just

[00:13:20] Track 1: Yeah, 

[00:13:20] Kelly: was, there was so much about that, that wasn't evidence-based. there are things you can do and

it does

difference in people's lives to be able to, I mean, to continually do

physical therapy.

Maybe not the surgery, maybe she's right with that. But it just really saddens me to find out that she just had no regard for your quality of life and your health. I mean, that's a major part of your health. Being able to have your muscles work 

so that you can function. 

[00:13:47] Track 1: Yeah. 

And even providing some information of how to treat what I've been through or to go to a pelvic floor specialist at the, I didn't even know that was a thing, you know, , I mean, so having any type of,

of [00:14:00] action for me after would've been very helpful.

But no, 

it was just and dry. That was it.

[00:14:06] Kelly: to get the

just shocking. And I don't know what the, what was going on, uh, in your labor to

[00:14:14] Track 1: Right, right.

[00:14:15] Kelly: forceps to happen and for

[00:14:18] Track 1: I 

[00:14:19] Kelly: so aggressive that you had a fourth degree tear and your child had gashes on her face. But that's not The, 

[00:14:28] Track 1: the urgency there was, they did my, she started getting a fever. my water had broke at that point, it had been over 12 hours. And she just kind of freaked out, we gotta get this baby out. We gotta get this baby out. Although she was not there for the first two hours I was pushing. I 

[00:14:42] Kelly: the 

[00:14:44] Track 1: no,

um, 

you know what? I don't.

[00:14:51] Kelly: first 

[00:14:52] Track 1: Right. I don't even know at that point. It was at, I was at the, when they, when everything became kind of a rush, that was when I was [00:15:00] like giving up

and I was just crying and asking for a 

cesarean, but, 

[00:15:05] Kelly: kind of 

[00:15:09] Track 1: I didn't, 

just a lot of prayer ,you know, 

[00:15:14] Kelly: That's emotional work. 

[00:15:15] Track 1: yeah, yeah, I did. 

[00:15:16] Kelly: reflection and yeah. 

[00:15:18] Track 1: yeah. Yep. And I, and I did, I talk with, with other, you know, other moms and hearing other birth stories, both good and bad, you know, was like, oh, I've been through there. I can relate to that. And then you also heard the successful, and I loved, I've always loved to learn about home birth and follow them, but never in a million years did I ever think that was gonna be, a part of my story.

But I always, I always just loved the birthing process. Um,

no, outside, outside of, like I said, just kind of praying through it, clinging onto prayer. was, that was really what kind of got me through.

Yes. So it goes, it gets, it gets so much better from here. so I had, another baby a couple years later. another girl, my pregnancy was [00:16:00] totally different and I swore I was having a boy. a lot of nausea that I didn't have with the first one. And, um, started getting the varicose, like the vulva varicose veins, with my second one.

oh, but before I get pregnant again. Before that at all, I made sure I found the doctor that I was comfortable with, moving forward. So, some research, I found one, she was one, I met with her before we even started trying. she was wonderful and incredible bedside manner and professional.

All the, she like checked all of the boxes and, um, very, very comfortable with her. And I told her like, I will not have a baby without an epidural. That does, if it doesn't work, you will take me immediately for cesarean. I will not go through that again. Like, I was terrified. So I, she was on board, but I think your first baby is probably paved the way for you.

You're probably not gonna need one. she had me go get evaluated by, the anesthesiologist to make sure there wasn't any issues in my spine. Like why wasn't that epidural taking? and everything checked out. Everything looked fine. So we had a better birth plan. Had a doctor that I was very comfortable with and, like I said, got pregnant with the second one.

really very smooth pregnancy outside of [00:17:00] just those like vul varicose veins. that did get o that did get better with time. I never had heard of them before. Mine got pretty bad, for a little while, and it was in the middle of the pregnancy. And then, um, like the that last trimester baby had just shifted.

Must have like shifted just enough to where it took the pressure off and I didn't have, any issues with that anymore. So, that one I went in very, I was, I was walking around at my school. I was dilated to like a four, almost a five. And my doctor's like, if you start to have any contraction, like you've gotta get your ASAP or you're gonna have a baby in the car.

so that one, I, I was actually very worried that this one was gonna go so quick and we weren't even gonna make it. so we ended up Scheduling to go in and just have her, she's like, if I just break your water, I think that you'll be ready to go. So Her due date was June 4th and, ended up going in on June 2nd.

And when we got there, hooked me up to everything and they're like, you are already having contractions three minutes apart. Are you, you're like, you're in active labor. I'm like, what? Like, no way. I don't feel anything. They're like, oh no, we need to get you like to a room. [00:18:00] And I'm like, I don't even believe this.

And so they were like, we're gonna go, go get your doctor to see if they even want us to break your water. And so they left and, was dozing off and my water broke. And I'm like, I felt the pop. And I'm like, so it, this was a total answer to prayer.

Like literally . I mean, we were at the hospital, I was already in labor. I didn't realize it. and my water broke on its own. I didn't have to have any, Pitocin, anything like that to help kind of progress the labor. And, she was born within five hours. It was, very quick. My first one, I didn't say I, it was a 27 hour labor with three hours of pushing for my first.

Now this one, was just five hours from start to finish and really everything went, smooth. She was, she was great. I did great. recovery was so much easier. a tiny little tear, but that was, know, healed and didn't have any issues with. And, my doctor was incredible. Like I, she knew how nervous I was and she ma she had just left, day, but, she made sure that she was back to make sure that everything was going smooth and fine.

So that was my second [00:19:00] one. Really nothing. That was the story that I thought I was probably gonna have going on with my first. then my third one, was a baby boy. And, same doctor, same hospital. Again, pretty smooth. pregnancy, those darn vulva, varicose veins were back again. They said they kind of get worse. They can tend to get worse, each pregnancy.

But, really it went, went very, very smooth. I'd always struggled to, have enough milk supply for my kids. My first one I really struggled. my second one, I barely made it to a year. then with my third, actually started taking some supplements that had, that were a total game changer.

And, with him I was not only able, was I able to just nurse him. easily without any issues of supply. But, I went in, the day I went in for delivery, the doctor, had drawn my blood and they said, oh my goodness, your blood work is just incredible. we wish our patients had half of your numbers.

what are you doing? And I had been taking these products that, um, like I said, help keep me healthy, but also have helped so much with my milk supply for my third and then again now my fourth, [00:20:00] at home. So, was really the only thing that had changed. Everything really had gone pretty smooth.

he did have the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck two times and in a total knot. which with my first one that was traumatic. She also had it wrapped around her neck and in a full on knot. But this one was two times and a knot, which they, I didn't, since I had two, you know, my first one, they never made a big deal about it, cuz that was a bad experience.

They were just like, oh, she's got a knot moving on and it's wrapped around her neck. This one, the, the nurses were like, we've gotta take picture. Like they were all pulling out their cameras. They wanted to take pictures of it because apparently it is not real, real common.

yeah, I've got a picture of it.

Yes.

[00:20:43] Kelly: someone to cuz , like, 

[00:20:47] Track 1: Yes, yes. Yep. I've got the picture and everything. And they were on, that's why I'm like, well, my husband like, pull out the camera. Apparently this is. 

this is. 

crazy. Like, 

take a picture. we didn't get a picture first. We did the second one. And [00:21:00] that was the only, like, I didn't even know it was kind of scare.

they got em all untangled and again, very smooth recovery. And, epidural worked. The epidural took with the second and third just fine. And then we were excited to have another baby, be our fourth baby. took us a little while to get pregnant took about like 18 months or so, and, then went in for my 11 week appointment to, we were gonna do like the testing to find out boy or girl. Everything felt smooth, it was going well. And um, we had found out there was no heartbeat. And so, that was on our fourth pregnancy was total, total shock.

And it was during Covid, you know, so there weren't supposed to be anybody in there with you. was there by myself. And I was just anxious to get to see the little baby. And when did the ultrasound just on my stomach, external and she's like, we're gonna have to do an internal sonogram.

And I kind of started getting nervous and then, she found there was no heartbeat. So that was pretty devastating, especially when we, we felt like we've been trying, I know is what has totally gave me perspective with, so many people that have tried and tried and tried to get pregnant for so long.[00:22:00] 

And it's, it's ugh, the emotional toll that it takes on you. Like my heart goes out to all of you. Cause this was only like 18 months and it was, um, felt like forever. And I already had three healthy kids, so I can only imagine. but we knew we wanted another one. It wasn't like, that's it. We knew we really, really wanted another one.

And so, Again, so grateful beyond blessed to, have been able to carry, a fourth baby full term. And, again, it was during Covid times and, continued going to my same doctor that I delivered the last two. And, she had just planned on, delivering there. but I had started hearing a lot about going back and forth, whether they were forcing some vaccines or not, or if you had to have the mask or not.

There was just a lot of unknown and a lot of unknown for us, for others. And I just, I, I didn't, honestly, the thought of having to push in a mask, really kind of terrified me. I did have to have, [00:23:00] with my, I think it was my second one, I did have to have oxygen. it was a pretty quick and easy delivery, but they did have to gimme some oxygen probably because I was so nervous.

I was crying on my way to the hospital because it was that second birth, you know? And so I think just thinking back to where I'm like, I have this needing oxygen, like and I was breathing normal, and so the thought of having to like push in a mask kind of freaked me out. And it took me back to that like freak out moment again.

And so, I was 34 weeks along when I found out like, yes, you are gonna have to push in a mask. And I'm like, I'm just not okay with it. I'm nervous. And, I really, really started praying over it. And I haven't had a friend, you can just do this one at home.

You've done it all. You can do it at home. I'm like, I can remember just laughing being like, oh, I totally wish I could have a birth story like that. But that's just, I, I, I can't, with, with my first one, I'm terrified of birth. but I don't know, God just kept prompting my heart and like putting all these home birth stories in these people in my life that just kind of made me wonder like what if, like what if this could work?

It would be [00:24:00] an incredible. Experience. but there was a lot of fear tied up in that. So I met with a, a midwife that came highly recommended and, with her about all my fears and everything. And she actually had, I was, I was wanting her to convince me to do a home birth. but she did everything but that, in fact, she was like, I just don't know that you're meant to have a home birth.

And I was like, what? No, she didn't like, I can do this. And so it kinda, that was like the pivotal moment to where I was like, I think I might be able to do this. And so I inundated myself for four full weeks. Everything, podcast and books and videos and Instagram accounts, everything, home birth. I told nobody this is what we were doing because I couldn't handle any.

buddy likes giving me all the fear factors. I just totally felt God calling us to do this and I was just gonna trust him. And I had to put on the blinders, close my ears and just really inundate myself with all the things, home, birth, and just trust my midwife. and that's what I did. So I, and it was, I did have [00:25:00] comfort knowing, you know, we've made it to 34 weeks.

I'd had all the scans, everything was smooth. I wasn't like at risk for anything. And so, decided, we, we had to decide right then. She's like, you have to know, I have to know now because there's, I barely have enough spots. You know? So, we went all in. I didn't even go back to my other doctor cause I was afraid my other doctor would be like, you can't do this.

I, I was, I didn't want any negativity or fear put in there, so I didn't even tell. I called in and I was like, can you just let her know I've changed care? And I didn't. I didn't, I, I wasn't even like pulled enough to tell her. Why at the time. I didn't wanna be talked out of it cause I felt so called do the home birth.

And so, home birth really went very, very smooth for the most part, I was at home on a Sunday and I can remember calling my mom at like noon and like, this baby's never gonna come out. I have never been up to my due date ever. my husband took the three other kids to a ball practice and I'm like, I'm just gonna go lay down. It was like one o'clock and like one 30. I start feeling, I'm feeling like there's something's moving [00:26:00] along here. I started feeling contractions and, It was very hard to really know because I went from like a traumatic experience with full on labor.

All of a sudden, here's your Pitocin. And then I had two that had the epidural. I didn't really feel the contractions at all, and so I wasn't really sure. but yes, it was in fact full on labor . called my midwife. She came and I called my, my mom and mom came to get my kiddos. midwife was on her way. my mom and my sister came over just for a bit, so the kids kind of got to be there to see me kind of go through some of the contractions because they really came on pretty fast and pretty hard and pretty consistent, like every three minutes probably.

was pretty quick. not have a doula. but my midwife really kind of served as the doula. She was just wonderful and her assistant the same. had been trained to do, be a doula as well, and just gave me total peace. We had the birthing pool, I had a friend that gave me some, like lights to kind of set up just a, calming environment and prayer cards and music going, like my birthing playlist [00:27:00] going.

And, I was a little bit nervous, but I did not have fear and like that was total God giving me just like that peace and contentment and, faith that this was how it was supposed to be. and so everything really went pretty good. I did, I, once I got into the birthing pool, um,

So I'd had contractions for a while. and then that's when like the pushing contractions, like that transition had happened. And my midwife was like, all right, we're getting close. Do you wanna be in the pool or not? And I was like, yes. I got in the pool. I had no idea how I like hot water , but I had no idea how hot it was gonna be.

And after a little while in there and going to the contractions, I, I was getting too hot. I'm like, I'm too hot. Like I'm sweaty. I can't do this. and it was getting so painful again, I really had watched so many kind of like pain free, like easy, smooth home births, um, to get my mind ready. And it was, it was getting so painful.

And I had been doing like, like the full on push. The only, the only other way I can think of it is like when you have like, you get like that urge [00:28:00] to like throw up, It was, it's like that, but that's you, like your body just like pushing this body at this baby out. And I was like, I can't do it anymore.

Like I, I was really getting worried, fear started to sink in and I thought, God, you did not bring me all the way here to like, Not be able to do this. I just just praying and praying, please let this baby come. Please let this baby come. And I get up out of the water and I told my husband like, I don't think I can do it.

I wanted to give up. it was very painful. And I step out of the water and immediately just dropped to my knees. and just ended up leaning over. He was, he sat on the birthing ball and I leaned over him. And, within a few minutes, they always said, the moment you feel like you're gonna up is when the baby's coming.

But I, all just like one big contraction. I didn't know. She's like the head, the head is here. I'm like, oh my gosh, we're doing it. and so, but it, it was an hour and I had like a cervical lip, in the way. She did not shove her arm up or anything. She had me change positions. and the cervical lip moved out of the way on its own.[00:29:00] 

And, that is kind of what hung up, I think, a little bit, but took a little bit longer there. And then the baby, my a boy, he came out and he had his hand, like up under his chin. And so we, she kinda to finagle him out a little bit, But he came out, he was fine. I immediately just, I just remember saying like, God.

thank you Jesus. that feeling there made the entire process worth it. And then to be just in my home and my bed right there, and getting to just totally embrace the entire birthing experience, really a whole lot of fear. The only fear was probably right there towards the end. And I'm like, I don't know.

And I can't make it to the hospital either. What's gonna happen? And then the baby was there. So, went, went very smooth. baby was healthy, I was healthy. I did have a tiny tear that they did have to stitch a little bit, and my kiddos got to come, come see the baby. And I was, like I said, I got be at home and, an incredible, experience.

[00:29:52] Kelly: [00:30:00] of all, this isn't a question, but

after you shared your first delivery, I was like, oh my gosh. I mean, I get why you were scared, but if you went through all that with, and you felt it, 

[00:30:10] Track 1: Yeah. 

[00:30:10] Kelly: wasn't wasn't gonna be an issue. 

mean, you weren't, you, you were made for that. and that was the other thing.

it's easily reducible and you are comfortable with an epidural, then we can try to reduce it.

But to, there's so many different ways to make the cervix go away, that doesn't involve like torture. 

[00:30:30] Track 1: Yeah. Yes. Right.

[00:30:31] Kelly: so for the first and the third, you had the, the knot and the, and the cord wrapped. Okay. And then the fourth, you had the hand in the way 

these little kiddos. did they

[00:30:43] Track 1: Yes,

[00:30:44] Kelly: anything the, the fetal heart rate monitor that

them in the first and the third delivery?

That kind of would indicate that something was going on there. 

[00:30:54] Track 1: No, I, with my third, I don't remember that at all. it was a, it was a pretty quick, [00:31:00] like I never remember any mention of that with my first,

like I said, it was kind of a blur because it was just so chaotic.

the only thing I ever

is them saying that she was getting a fever, 

[00:31:10] Kelly: Yeah. I mean, they let 

[00:31:13] Track 1: right. Three total,

[00:31:15] Kelly: right? 

[00:31:16] Track 1: but

[00:31:17] Kelly: with the 

[00:31:18] Track 1: yes,

yes.

not that I know about anything with heart rate that they were worried about.

[00:31:23] Kelly: Yeah. did you go to a different with 

[00:31:27] Track 1: Yes, I totally did not even want to chance that doctor being there for the delivery, 

[00:31:32] Kelly: Yeah. 

[00:31:33] Track 1: or on call. And so, no, I totally changed, hospitals. There was a full team of doctors that I knew that like, it's not this one, it's this one. It's not this one, it's this one. and actually, so my third one, it wasn't even my doctor that delivered it with someone else, 

was wonderful. So, and then my doctor did come check on me afterwards.

[00:31:49] Kelly: met the other 

[00:31:51] Track 1: No, and I have, there's quite a few, and I have heard people that would, they wanted to make sure that they have like, met all the different ones. And, I did not, I felt [00:32:00] I had heard of several in the practice and hadn't heard of any, stories. So I was pretty comfortable with,

ones that I knew

be there, but it was an option.

Yeah. 

[00:32:08] Kelly: end up 

[00:32:08] Track 1: um 

[00:32:09] Kelly: any 

[00:32:11] Track 1: I did not. 

[00:32:12] Kelly: Are you serious? 

[00:32:14] Track 1: I did not. 

No. 

[00:32:15] Kelly: And everything just kind of 

took care of itself? 

[00:32:18] Track 1: I mean, I still probably need reconstructive surgery. And actually when I went into see this new doctor and I told her about my issue of like just standing and peeing, she's like, and your doctor told you that had nothing to do with your birth. She's like, your nerves are shot down there, honey. Yes, that had everything to do with it. It's like it can take a year for you to really get that control back again.

And, then she evaluated, all the stitching and, you know, where I had tore and she was like, we won't do anything. And so when I had tore with the next ones, she just, each time they tried to kind of stitch up , what had been done, the trauma that had happened previously. And so, I don't know at this point if I, if they still would recommend[00:33:00] 

any reconstructive, anything. but as far as like, no pe I did not have any pelvic floor, or anything.

[00:33:06] Kelly: and any issues 

[00:33:08] Track 1: No, no, I did just, So for my, for my home birth, I did go in and see a chiropractor for like two weeks up, before I did my home birth. God just put so many people in my path.

During that time, the chiropractor had had, um, births and it was just totally on my same page. So I wasn't feeling like I was being judged or, all the thoughts that came because there's very mixed reviews with home birth and I totally get it.

I just thought that's what we were being called to.

And after our experience, Mike, there's a reason we're being called to this. It's not just,

[00:33:35] Kelly: Yeah. 

[00:33:35] Track 1: nothing. 

[00:33:35] Kelly: Yeah. 

[00:33:40] Track 1: yes, yes. 

So I did see my chiropractor with mine, before the home birth. And then I even took, I did take a couple of my babies

for some like acid reflux stuff afterwards too. But, no, I was, it was just my fourth one that I did the chiropractic stuff with.

[00:33:55] Kelly: with the acid 

[00:33:56] Track 1: yes,

one of them I felt like it did. [00:34:00] The other one was of hard to tell. She was just kind of a colicky baby and I couldn't really tell one way or the other, but for another one, absolutely. Like total game changer for, my third baby,

[00:34:08] Kelly: to treat babies and pregnant women. remember what I, I took my daughter to the chiropractor when she was a baby, and I remember my husband was like, they gonna just like hang her upside down

You know?

no. 

[00:34:29] Track 1: Yeah. 

[00:34:29] Kelly: can you describe what they do? That it's not like, you're not crunching the kid or, you know, doing anything weird?

[00:34:36] Track 1: know cuz I don't really like popping bone. Like I, 

I, the sound of it kinda makes me gimme the ebg anyways, but I know it's good for us. But yeah, actually it's like the most, touches, they're like, is it really doing anything? But they said they're, you know, their cartilages are so, movable they're so little.

And so they would literally like take two fingers on like each side of the spine 

and kind of,

adjust there. And then they have this [00:35:00] little clicker, device. And it would just kinda like, 

Yes, clicker. it would, they click it kinda up their spine and then just with their thumb, they could kinda feed with their thumbs.

They could kind of tell where the baby was out. So like, I never heard pops . There were never like weird poles. It was all just like little tiny adjustments. And I even thought, there's no way

is doing anything. cuz it didn't sound or look like that, but it, really did, especially 

for my third.

[00:35:28] Kelly: cuz I'm 

[00:35:32] Track 1: Like 

[00:35:32] Kelly: have an epidural, you know, it's I'm moving

[00:35:36] Track 1: Mm-hmm.

[00:35:37] Kelly: thousands of pounds. It's I go into the chiropractor all the time and even with all of the things that I'm going through, I can't remember the last time she actually popped me.

Like I, I haven't heard a pop in years 

 because it's a lot of assisted stretching. And she does, thing called Grafton technique, which is like,

massage with dull blade that really 

gets into there and she does dry needling. Like there's so much that can be done to put [00:36:00] you in the right alignment in a, to help your soft tissue,

[00:36:03] Track 1: Yep. 

[00:36:04] Kelly: mean that you

be Popped 

[00:36:06] Track 1: Yes. 

[00:36:06] Kelly: So I think chiropractors get a bad rap that I would not live

[00:36:09] Track 1: Right?

[00:36:10] Kelly: I would be in

trouble.

[00:36:13] Track 1: Very helpful for us as well. Yes. 

[00:36:15] Kelly: Yeah. And I

went through both of my 

pregnancies, I just felt like it's important. I, know

a a movable pelvis, a supple pelvis, that's where your baby comes through. It needs to be,

[00:36:27] Track 1: Mm-hmm.

[00:36:27] Kelly: to be able to adjust to make those babies come out.

Otherwise,

know, we're gonna be in trouble. And I know that I had a small pelvis and babies with big heads and I was just like, make it so that they come out

So, I mean, I totally, support people gonna, the chiropractor. It's wonderful for pregnancy. And so my other question,

talked about

having nerves about the home birth. did your midwife have a plan or did you have a plan if things weren't quite going the way that 

guys 

had wanted?

[00:36:55] Track 1: Oh, yes, . I was very adamant about that. and she was, and I'd also heard from any, like, she, [00:37:00] she doesn't, she's not too prideful to stop and take you to the doctor, um, which gave me a lot of comfort. And we are 10 minutes from the hospital. And, she actually has a hospital that she has. they know her. They're like, if, if something's not quite right,

you know, we just, we go, we're 10 to 15 minutes, away. And so yeah, that was the plan. Like if anything was concerned, she had, she brought things that she could do,

know, here on her own, but there was something out of her realm.

Absolutely. It was like, we hop in the car and we go, we're there in 10 minutes.

So that was, that was definitely comforting because even if I was like an hour away, I might, I don't know if I would've been brave enough to do it, but, 

[00:37:35] Kelly: my biggest was never anything that that I was really gonna 

do. 

[00:37:45] Track 1: No, I didn't even, I dunno if my sisters will listen to this or not, but my sisters, I could not tell them. And we are so close, we were like the best of friends that I could not tell them that I was gonna do a home birth until like a week before. Like I kind of dropped little hints, , [00:38:00] didn't have an in inmate to tell him because I knew that they would probably like totally freak out.

And, I knew in my heart it was what we were supposed to do. So I just, like I said, I just kept up my husband and I, and my, my and my mom knew, and, really close family. Found out like maybe a week or so before, but we didn't tell hardly anybody.

um 

[00:38:20] Kelly: but I remember being shocked. I was like, oh my gosh, I wanna hear about this because I know, like I'd seen some of the other, births just cuz it's been years, like I've, it's been years that we've kind of been connected unofficially. And I was like, oh, know, just 

[00:38:35] Track 1: When most people saw that it was at home, they're like, oh, was that on purpose? Cause I'm very active on social media and I would usually share whatever. I'm very transparent.

And, had not shared that we were doing it. And so when people saw it, they were like, was 

that like intentional when something happen?

[00:38:52] Kelly: on 

[00:38:56] Track 1: Yeah. 

[00:38:58] Kelly: That's amazing. oh, did you go [00:39:00] back to your doctor?

[00:39:00] Track 1: Um, no, I haven't, I haven't been back with her. I know I, I will go back to her when I'm seeing, but my, my midwife has been amazing and she, they provided, aftercare for the baby 12 weeks and, even for me, and so she's very hard to get into, like if I'm not pregnant, that she doesn't be getting in with her right now anyways, are very hard.

And so for like my ambulance that I'll go back to her and share how this all ended

but I also know that she sees a million,

that she, she's been, she was wonderful, but I just didn't have, I still 

feel guilty for just piecing out, but 

[00:39:33] Kelly: Just be like, I

was 

[00:39:35] Track 1: you kind of 

[00:39:40] Kelly: I No. Wow. 

so did you have lactation support with any of them? I would assume with your fourth, since you had the

[00:39:51] Track 1: yes, yes. And actually, I, I just called the lactation consultant a lot for my first, cause my milk wasn't coming in and, you [00:40:00] know, everybody was like, oh, you're probably eating well after my milk even came in, she spit up so much and was just pretty colicky. Like, it's probably what you're eating. So I, I spent a lot of, phone calls and researching with lactation consultants and I know they were like, it might be this, that you're eating, it might be this, that you're eating that.

I would talk to people that were like that actually probably it's like very little to do with how she's reacting. You heard so many mixed things. but we stuck with it. And, so yeah, I, I did have at least comfort in knowing, and then when I would go, you know, get like the birth checks, making sure that she, her weight check she was getting enough milk.

and then, by the fourth, honestly, I kind of had it all figured out. I mean, like, we were there to help. my milk came in within like two and baby latched right away. All I was fortunate, all my babies came out latching right away, Right, 

[00:40:46] Kelly: so you mentioned that you had to go back to work at eight weeks with your first, your life transition after that, from that job?

Going back to work for eight weeks, I know you've had a, a journey your occupation. So can you kind of describe what you've done [00:41:00] to make things work a little bit better for you?

[00:41:02] Track 1: Yeah, for sure. So I ended up, being a total of 10 weeks that I was off because I did get my doctor to approve those, second two weeks there. But, always, like, my dream was to be a stay-at-home mom. continued working and just prayed for God to open new doors.

I did start a little photography business and it really took off and it was great, that I was really wanting the time with my kids and I was . I was like working all day, taking pictures in the evenings and the night. And my, in my mind I thought eventually I can just start doing photography so I won't have to do both.

so I started doing that and, I was that mom that would drop the babies off at daycare and just cry on the way to work because I wanted to be, be with them so bad. And I felt like I was missing out on so much, I loved my job, but I totally missed just being home with my kids. summers were awesome.

then, I continued to work, until my second one was two, and when she turned two was the one I was actually able to come home. I put in my resignation and have [00:42:00] been home, my last two. I had talked with a friend at school. she was in the health and wellness industry, gave me some information on how I could, start kind of doing this from home.

And, within a year I was able to, make enough to come home, our family. And I have been doing that since, my health and wellness company has continued to provide financially and actually, has even led us into other, adventures and journeys because we now are homeschooling again, something I did not ever see us

but

that's, we've been led to right now.

[00:42:30] Kelly: so, when you were pushing I'm sure it was different with all the deliveries what was it that kind of helped you other than the one with the forceps that helped you kind of click into what you need to do with your body to make that work? especially with the epidural, I think that's sometimes challenging for 

moms. there anything that anybody said or anything that you did that kind 

of helped you with that mind body connection,

[00:42:54] Track 1: yeah. it is totally different for each one. And I will say when you didn't have the epidural, [00:43:00] your body just was doing it for you, . I mean, there really wasn't a whole lot of me pushing my body was, so when you have that epidural and you don't really know exactly how that sensation is supposed to feel, I was just told like, just to bear down, like, like you gonna, the bathroom that you are really, that you were just really, yes, yes.

and I still am, like, I, I guess I, I guess I was doing it better the second to, or the second and third time around. but again, I do feel like it was, now that I've experienced both, I feel like it was hard to even

if I was really doing it right

with, with the epidural.

[00:43:33] Kelly: compared move you around at all? Did they put you in different 

[00:43:39] Track 1: No, was on my back for 

hours. 

[00:43:41] Kelly: well that's probably 

why, honestly. with the fourth probably when you got on your knees in defeat 

[00:43:48] Track 1: Right. 

[00:43:49] Kelly: that's the position that turned your baby and moved the lips 

[00:43:53] Track 1: right. It was just naturally your body kind of taking over. I actually had, so they, have you heard of people like using a towel to [00:44:00] pull against a towel? 

And so at first that is something that they had for me. My arms

like the next two days. I'm like not only doing like torn and I'm so 

sore and everything hurts and I can't even lift my arms now . Cause I. 

[00:44:17] Kelly: you hold your 

[00:44:19] Track 1: I mean, I think, I don't even know. I think I just , I, I just powered through total adrenaline. But yeah, did at least provide like the towel for me to pull against my first, but no, in the, in the third one, like different positions. I mean, I was, I was leaning over the birthing ball up on my bed. She had me sitting backwards on my toilet to really help move the baby down. I just, I felt most comfortable, leaning over something. I went back to the birthing ball and then in the, you know, birthing tub, I went leaning over and then we were trying to move the cervical lips.

She had me like lean my back against the side of the tub. And then, when we finally

had him, it was just like leaning over. So I do think all the positions was just working[00:45:00] 

down the whole time. Yeah. 

[00:45:02] Kelly: Yeah.

Yeah. pelvis that backs how could they, like, how could you

[00:45:11] Track 1: Right,

[00:45:12] Kelly: position? Could, do you

[00:45:12] Track 1: right.

[00:45:13] Kelly: done that 

when you, in your natural delivery?

[00:45:15] Track 1: Right.

[00:45:16] Kelly: unfortunately you did in your first without choice

[00:45:18] Track 1: right. right. You're just, yeah, yeah. No, no. I, I don't think I could have, because I could, she didn't even exactly want, it wasn't just like the most convenient place for me to be where I just dropped to the floor. I think my, my midwife was she was gonna like get positioned a little bit better, but like, I, I was like, Nope,

this is where it's happening.

And so made it, she made it work and we all just adjusted.

So yeah, there's way could

back moment ever.

[00:45:43] Kelly: Yeah. 

positions. 

[00:45:47] Track 1: Right. 

[00:45:48] Kelly: come 

[00:45:48] Track 1: Yeah.

now I'm fascinated like, I'm like, I wanna just be in this, I wanna just go watch these.

it's so fascinating to me. I just,

[00:45:56] Kelly: yeah, Oh my

[00:45:58] Track 1: Yeah. [00:46:00] Oh, I can't imagine. 

[00:46:02] Kelly: now I'm 

[00:46:03] Track 1: Bring it on. Yeah. 

[00:46:04] Kelly: through everything at this point. 

so then the other question

go back

any of these experiences or all of these experiences, what would you wanna tell yourself?

[00:46:15] Track 1: I think I would've gone back to the very beginning, I really didn't know a whole lot, I put so much faith and trust just in my doctor, that I didn't truly have any ideas. Like if something doesn't go quite right, what is a plan? And I feel like maybe that was a conversation that maybe a doctor needs to be having that. okay, what do we want if this, and what do we want if this? And so, I wish I would've just had somebody say, like, make sure that you know, what you're wanting. the epidural's not working or if X, y, Z happens, are you gonna do?

I wish I just was a little bit prepared for a plan B because I felt like I only had Plan A. And some regrets that I have, but I, again, I, I used it to learn for the next ones. and then really just my, my other one is just have total faith and where you're feeling led and guided [00:47:00] and directed.

I felt peace. I would've never felt like even two months before I decided to do at home birth, I would've never even felt. not an option at all. And, just after like giving it time and muting the outside world to truly just take some time to figure out what is best for me, for our family, for our baby, and, just trusting and having faith that were being guided and directed on that right path.

And it just gave me so much peace. So much peace I couldn't have had on my own. Had I been listening to the outside, I would say just like, give yourself some time to really see what you want. Like at some point it comes down to you. You don't need to ask every single person what you should do.

Cause everybody feels like it's gonna, they're gonna give you different, guidance and direction. So talk with your spouse and, what's gonna be best for you. Because my husband, he didn't even get enough credit. He was my total rock through all this, and a hundred percent on board with home birth.

He was the one that was like, You can do a home birth. Yeah, you can do a home birth. I'm like, wait, what? he's like, I have [00:48:00] zero fear, zero doubt. And, he just stood by me like steadfast the whole time, a hundred thousand percent on board. gave me zero fear and the day even, you into birth.

was constant. when I had looked up at him and be like, I can't do this. he had zero fears. Like, you're almost there. he was so calm and patient through it all. So I did not even give him the major shoutout that he, deserves being on all of the rollercoaster jovi's birth stories.

But, I'm just thankful that we shut out the outside noise. We truly took time for us to decide what would be best

for our family.

[00:48:31] Kelly: provider that they align with. what were some of the realizations that you had and that made it easier for you to find that provider? What were the boxes that you were looking to check? 

[00:48:45] Track 1: I think just like how much time that they spent with me there in our appointments was huge. 

of course, even just getting the referrals from people when I had several people refer somebody that kind of gave me my list of people who I wanted to reach out to for an actual [00:49:00] doctor and for a midwife.

And then I would, then I contacted them and sat down and just had conversations so for example, with my second one, is she gonna be okay with me, like having a cesarean if this epidural doesn't work? Because if she wasn't, I'm like, I can't do it. . That's how much fear I had attached to it.

she tried to reassure me that we would, it would be okay. But yes, if that was the case, she would honor my wishes. And so I think just. That really down to it is just, are they gonna honor what you're wanting, the experience that you, if you're wanting the lights off during your birth, you know, if you're wanting to get up and be able to move around.

if you don't want the Pitocin, like go over. And if you don't, even, maybe even just looking like, what are the questions I need to ask? Those are all things I didn't even think about my first one.

Truly. You know, you watch movie, it's like

they're 

[00:49:47] Kelly: think

is

these interventions

that we are putting on the

you understand what the might be, and not just making it [00:50:00] like, this is what we're gonna do this, I'm the doctor and this is what I'm gonna do. Because there's tools there that are

[00:50:06] Track 1: Right.

[00:50:07] Kelly: when needed, 

but if they're not absolutely necessary, it should be, it should be a choice.

It should be a

always gonna be a choice in a conversation, but to try to understand why provider thinks that it's necessary is important, and not just treating you like, 

[00:50:20] Track 1: Yes. 

[00:50:20] Kelly: like someone that

[00:50:22] Track 1: Absolutely. 

[00:50:22] Kelly: Well, Myla, that's all I had. That's the only questions that I had for you. Unless you, it was. If there's anything

[00:50:28] Track 1: I don't think

think I, they got it all out there 

that the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between.

[00:50:36] Kelly: Yeah, . Well thank you so your story 

[00:50:39] Track 1: I 

 Yes. Well, thanks for having me.

​Do you have questions that you wish a labor nurse could answer as your due date approaches? Do you wish you could pick someone's brain about all the things that might happen during your labor? When you meet with your OB or midwife, do you forget your questions in the moment? [00:51:00] Do you feel like you need someone to take more time to walk you through what might happen in the hospital and how to truly mentally prepare. 

You're in luck because I'm offering this as a free service in 2023. To get details on how to schedule a free session with me. Email me at birth journeys, R n@gmail.com.