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July 3, 2023

Resilience and Hope: Erika Fox's Journey Through Infertility and Parenthood

Resilience and Hope: Erika Fox's Journey Through Infertility and Parenthood

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Imagine standing on the precipice of one of life's greatest adventures, only to find the path far more treacherous than you'd ever anticipated. That's the reality for our guest, Erika Fox, a dedicated OR nurse in a fertility center and one-time labor and delivery nurse. Erika’s  journey through the maze of fertility treatments is a testament to the resilience and strength many couples display in their quest to start a family. From handling the whirlwind of tests, procedures, and surgeries to the emotional roller coaster ride that accompanied them, Erika's narrative is an eye-opener to the struggles many endure in silence.

Erika's tale doesn't end there. It takes us through the labyrinth of her IVF cycle and the ensuing pregnancy that led her across the country. Despite the retrieval of three healthy embryos, her body's response meant they had to be frozen. What followed was a pregnancy with unforeseen medical concerns, yet Erica remained motivated, even turning her experience into a contribution to medical research. Her labor, delivery, and postpartum experience embody the essence of determination and hope, navigating through the pain of a one-sided epidural, living far from family, and finding her village. 

Finally, we shift gears and delve into the uncharted waters of emotional parenthood. We illuminate the often-overlooked perspective of fatherhood and the emotions that accompany the transition of the non-birthing parent. Listen as we unfold the importance of building a support system for new mothers, managing the anxiety linked with motherhood, and juggling the world with a baby onboard. Erika's story is a tribute to all parents who grapple with infertility and the highs and lows parenthood entails. Prepare for an episode that will tug at your heartstrings, challenge your understanding of fertility, and leave you with a newfound appreciation for the journey to parenthood.

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Medical Disclaimer:
This podcast is intended as a safe space for women to share their birth experiences. It is not intended to provide medical advice. Each woman’s medical course of action is individual and may not appropriately transfer to another similar situation. Please speak to your medical provider before making any medical decisions. Additionally, it is important to keep in mind that evidence based practice evolves as our knowledge of science improves. To the best of my ability I will attempt to present the most current ACOG and AWHONN recommendations at the time the podcast is recorded, but that may not necessarily reflect the best practices at the time the podcast is heard. Additionally, guests sharing their stories have the right to autonomy in their medical decisions, and may share their choice to go against current practice recommendations. I intend to hold space for people to share their decisions. I will attempt to share the current recommendations so that my audience is informed, but it is up to each individual to choose what is best for them.

Chapters

00:00 - Erica Fox's Fertility and Birth Journeys

10:05 - IVF Cycle and Pregnancy Journey

25:08 - Labor, Delivery, and Postpartum Experience

37:54 - Navigating Parenthood and Support Systems

46:01 - Challenges of Fatherhood and Podcasting

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:00.020 --> 00:00:03.309
Hello, today I have with me Erica Fox.

00:00:03.309 --> 00:00:06.908
Erica is a mom and a former labor and delivery nurse.

00:00:06.908 --> 00:00:15.407
She is now working as an OR nurse in a fertility center And today she is going to share her fertility and birth journeys with us.

00:00:15.407 --> 00:00:18.288
Erica, welcome and thank you for joining me.

00:00:18.288 --> 00:00:20.448
Hi Kelly, thank you for having me.

00:00:20.448 --> 00:00:22.507
I'm so excited to hear this story.

00:00:22.507 --> 00:00:24.969
I haven't seen you in person for a while.

00:00:25.019 --> 00:00:33.168
I know, yeah, I miss all my East Coast friends and you all from the hospital And it's like, yes, I can visit with Kelly for a while.

00:00:33.619 --> 00:00:34.905
They're going to love hearing this.

00:00:34.905 --> 00:00:36.646
This is going to be a popular episode.

00:00:36.939 --> 00:00:43.704
I've enjoyed listening to everyone's stories, but it kind of has this little pang of oh my gosh, I miss everybody.

00:00:44.479 --> 00:00:45.444
Well, we, miss you too.

00:00:45.444 --> 00:00:49.243
Every time I hear somebody say push it real good, I think of Erica.

00:00:49.799 --> 00:00:49.899
Did.

00:00:49.899 --> 00:00:51.402
I'm happy with that Yeah.

00:00:51.624 --> 00:00:51.945
All right.

00:00:51.945 --> 00:00:54.188
Well, I'm going to let you go into your story.

00:00:54.188 --> 00:00:55.826
I am very excited to hear it.

00:00:55.826 --> 00:00:56.320
Thank you.

00:00:56.601 --> 00:01:03.267
Well, i can't tell my birth story without also telling the long, long story from trying to conceive.

00:01:03.267 --> 00:01:14.826
We did struggle with infertility for many years, something that we weren't expecting, of course, we were married for two years and that was kind of in our plan.

00:01:14.826 --> 00:01:19.385
Okay, we're going to start trying after two years, and I was 30 at the time.

00:01:19.385 --> 00:01:25.590
No one in our family experienced infertility, so there wasn't a huge reason to for us to worry.

00:01:25.590 --> 00:01:27.466
We thought it was a pretty straightforward path.

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So this went on for like six months and you start you're wondering and you think it's going to happen right away.

00:01:34.727 --> 00:01:35.430
And it wasn't.

00:01:35.430 --> 00:01:39.123
And I was dealing with a disappointment every month of getting that period.

00:01:39.123 --> 00:01:49.088
So it was like six months in and I did talk to my gynecologist about it and she looked into it, just like with an ultrasound.

00:01:49.088 --> 00:01:51.388
She said, well, i don't visually see anything.

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That's going on.

00:01:52.423 --> 00:01:52.924
That's wrong.

00:01:52.924 --> 00:01:58.634
We moved from Massachusetts to Virginia in 2017.

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And when we were living in Massachusetts, i was working night shift.

00:02:02.405 --> 00:02:09.930
Everything just felt off And I was like, well, maybe if I get off with night shift, i'll really focus on working a day shift job.

00:02:09.930 --> 00:02:13.544
So at least my circadian rhythm is normal, because maybe that's a factor.

00:02:13.544 --> 00:02:19.986
We didn't have any answers at that point, so I waited a while in Virginia for a day shift job to come about.

00:02:19.986 --> 00:02:23.064
You know how that can be, so let's see.

00:02:23.366 --> 00:02:33.568
In late 2017, we kind of got on board with some more testing And it seems like with infertility it's often focused on the woman partner.

00:02:33.568 --> 00:02:36.329
There's a heavy focus there on what's going on.

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So I had a test called a HSG, where they look at your fallopian tubes to make sure they're both open, and they found that one side was blocked.

00:02:46.449 --> 00:02:57.848
So then if you ovulate on one side one month and the other side one month, you're gonna maybe have to wait every other month to try to get pregnant right, better chance, because that's the side that A is gonna be on.

00:02:57.848 --> 00:03:03.908
So we had this information, didn't quite know what to do with it, just kept moving forward, nothing's happening.

00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:11.068
And then in 2018, they started looking into my husband's medical background and reproductive stuff.

00:03:11.068 --> 00:03:19.168
So I won't talk about his piece as much because I don't wanna talk about his medical history and all that and I don't think that's fair to him.

00:03:19.168 --> 00:03:30.310
But in infertility you have two pieces to a puzzle that have to come together And we both just had a little something where we could not get those pieces together and conceive.

00:03:30.310 --> 00:03:37.888
So the next step in that process was doing IUIs, which is intrauterine insemination.

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It's not super invasive I mean it's more invasive than conceiving in a traditional way But so you take some medication and they insert a catheter with the partner's sperm through your cervix and then you hope to get pregnant.

00:03:56.545 --> 00:03:58.687
We did three rounds of those.

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They were not consecutive months, but we didn't have a pregnancy from that.

00:04:03.360 --> 00:04:09.004
And then in 2019, my husband had a surgery and we thought that would help.

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So we continued trying and obviously nothing was happening.

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And then in late 2019, i had a procedure to look inside my uterus and check for polyps so that if we move forward with IVF, would we have a nice clear uterine lining.

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And they did find polyps And that was at the end of 2019.

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So I had a surgery scheduled to remove them in early 2020.

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And that was in February.

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So it's such a roller coaster.

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It's like you're constantly finding out a new thing that you have to overcome and deal with, and where's the light at the end of the tunnel.

00:04:48.309 --> 00:04:57.651
So had the surgery and was really excited about that because once that pathway was cleared we could start IVF.

00:04:57.651 --> 00:05:01.446
They told me I would just have to wait a month or so after surgery to be able to start.

00:05:01.446 --> 00:05:24.346
And IVF is, if you don't know, it involves a lot of stimulation for a lot of injection medications and taking medications by mouth and monitoring your cycle and hyper stimulating your ovaries so that instead of ovulating one egg, like you would every month, they try to get as many as they can.

00:05:24.346 --> 00:05:30.668
So then they combine your partner's sperm and the egg in a culture in the lab.

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So did the IVF work.

00:05:32.646 --> 00:05:38.512
So COVID Yay, so I had the surgery February 2020.

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In March 2020 called the clinic and said hey, am I still on the books here?

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And they're like, no, we're shutting everything down.

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No surprise there, we don't know when we're opening back up.

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So I kind of just had to call back all summer and they got us in in August And the first round of IVF.

00:06:01.127 --> 00:06:16.625
This whole process takes about like six weeks because you have to go by your menstrual cycle and you may be on birth control to suppress your cycle and have a more controlled start to everything for when they need you to ovulate.

00:06:16.625 --> 00:06:22.829
And then you start taking the injection medications and you stimulate your ovaries for 10 to 12 days.

00:06:22.829 --> 00:06:34.788
So it was doing all that driving to the clinic, getting monitored every day, every other day, where they do transvaginal ultrasounds and look at your follicles Super fun.

00:06:34.788 --> 00:06:40.069
I've had so many transvaginal ultrasounds that it's not even shocking anymore.

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You just get really used to the not so lovely parts of it.

00:06:43.829 --> 00:07:00.221
So with that cycle I got to the egg retrieval day, where your ovaries are Nice and juicy, you have those follicles all filled with fluid and your eggs should be in there And you go under light anesthesia.

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So you just get a short nap.

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They go in with another trans-saginal ultrasound with a needle attached to it and drain each follicle through a catheter and put those in tubes And that's where your eggs will be.

00:07:12.524 --> 00:07:16.396
So I think I got like 12th that first time.

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I think eight were mature and so you can only fertilize the mature eggs And ultimately we had three embryos and they were not growing very fast.

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So you have a little wait time.

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You know we had to wait the five days and at that point we were doing a fresh transfer and we got to transfer a day where they would put the embryo back into my uterus and found out that the embryo didn't grow very well It was kind of stuck on day four.

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So they transferred it anyway.

00:07:48.571 --> 00:07:53.930
And you do hear success stories from maybe slower growing embryos, but this was not a success story.

00:07:53.930 --> 00:07:56.098
So you put a lot of hope into it.

00:07:56.098 --> 00:08:02.517
You have the two week wait and then they called after my blood test and told me I was not pregnant.

00:08:02.517 --> 00:08:08.516
So it's very crushing to go through all of that and then not have a successful pregnancy.

00:08:08.857 --> 00:08:14.286
So we ended up having to do two more cycles with egg retrieval.

00:08:14.286 --> 00:08:22.165
The second time it was late January of 2021 when we had this cycle And it was the same thing.

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This time We had a few more embryos but nothing that was getting to that blastocyst stage that they want to see.

00:08:30.533 --> 00:08:35.006
And we got to transfer a day and they said only two embryos made it.

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They're not really good quality.

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We wouldn't freeze them.

00:08:38.636 --> 00:08:41.082
We had to make this decision on the day.

00:08:41.082 --> 00:08:48.047
We can transfer one embryo or two embryos, so they would just discard the other embryo.

00:08:48.047 --> 00:08:55.131
So I said you know, i don't, if I had to choose I wouldn't choose a multiple pregnancy because of the high risk.

00:08:55.131 --> 00:08:57.400
But we did choose to transfer the two embryos.

00:08:57.400 --> 00:09:00.614
Two week wait again, and that was another failed transfer.

00:09:00.614 --> 00:09:02.119
It did not result in pregnancy.

00:09:02.119 --> 00:09:05.350
So we did it a third time and that was in May.

00:09:05.610 --> 00:09:07.557
All along I was making a lot of changes.

00:09:07.557 --> 00:09:11.164
You kind of you want to grasp onto any piece of control that you can.

00:09:11.164 --> 00:09:12.106
So you're.

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You're making changes.

00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:15.126
I threw out all of our plastics.

00:09:15.126 --> 00:09:21.485
It was like a crazy person in our Tupperware drawer Like this might have chemicals in it, this might have chemicals in it.

00:09:21.485 --> 00:09:25.160
My, you know anything I put in my hair dry shampoo.

00:09:25.160 --> 00:09:26.023
throw that out.

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I threw out so many products.

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You know everything unscented.

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I wasn't wearing perfume, and this is all based on a book.

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It's it starts with the egg.

00:09:35.217 --> 00:09:36.861
That for for your egg health.

00:09:37.001 --> 00:09:43.042
We did a last round and we made a few changes before this third IVF cycle.

00:09:43.602 --> 00:09:58.022
And this cycle I had more follicles because they stimulated me a little bit more aggressively, just based on what happened in the past cycles, And we ended up with three embryos that were pretty healthy.

00:09:58.081 --> 00:10:08.452
They reached that blastocyst stage and then they grade the embryos and they were like a a, which is good, so that was really hopeful.

00:10:08.452 --> 00:10:21.616
The problem was with this last cycle my body kind of did something different and we could not do a fresh transfer, meaning we didn't just go in five days after the egg retrieval and transfer those embryos.

00:10:21.616 --> 00:10:28.900
They had to freeze them, otherwise it could have made me pretty sick with ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome.

00:10:28.900 --> 00:10:34.035
My ovaries were really big, really swollen and my estrogen was really high.

00:10:34.035 --> 00:10:38.452
So it's a recipe for not having a lot of success with a fresh transfer.

00:10:38.452 --> 00:10:43.609
So that turned out to be really good because I could recover from the cycle.

00:10:43.609 --> 00:10:44.611
I could.

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I could just get back to feeling a little bit more normal before introducing those embryos for the for the transfer.

00:10:51.655 --> 00:10:56.764
So we did a frozen embryo transfer, but first we moved across the country.

00:10:56.764 --> 00:11:07.482
So we took two weeks to drive from Virginia to California, all the while I'm taking the medications for the frozen embryo transfer.

00:11:07.783 --> 00:11:10.475
So wait, how did you get the embryos to where you're going?

00:11:10.475 --> 00:11:11.115
I didn't.

00:11:11.277 --> 00:11:12.119
I flew back.

00:11:12.119 --> 00:11:40.284
So we moved us and our dogs across the country, closed on our house in early July And then a couple weeks later I flew back and I stayed with my in-laws and it takes like 10 days so that they can go in, monitor you and then do the frozen embryo transfer And had that they transferred one embryo and it went well.

00:11:40.284 --> 00:11:44.953
So success Yes, yay, viv has her arms up.

00:11:44.953 --> 00:11:47.179
She's stretching them up in victory.

00:11:47.179 --> 00:12:03.089
So I flew back to California and then did everything here, had kind of a hard time getting established with care out here because you don't have an OB until they won't see you until like 10 or 12 weeks at least at this new OB.

00:12:03.089 --> 00:12:10.697
So I had to find somewhere, someone that would do an ultrasound to get that first six week ultrasound and confirm everything, which is super exciting.

00:12:10.898 --> 00:12:14.744
So my pregnancy, first trimester it was.

00:12:14.744 --> 00:12:22.605
It was good, but I had a lot of nausea and pseudoversions really bad.

00:12:22.605 --> 00:12:26.918
I'm such an avid coffee drinker I like just a black kelo coffee in the mornings.

00:12:26.918 --> 00:12:31.407
The smell of it just sent me to the grain zone.

00:12:31.407 --> 00:12:37.850
There would be like one piece of paper in the trash can and I would be like David, do you smell that?

00:12:37.850 --> 00:12:43.163
That smells awful, we need to take the trash out And he's like there's nothing in the trash can.

00:12:43.163 --> 00:12:44.346
So just everything.

00:12:44.346 --> 00:12:47.585
I'm smelled everything, but otherwise it was really good.

00:12:47.585 --> 00:12:49.028
That first trimester.

00:12:49.409 --> 00:12:55.788
I did have to go to the ER at 18 weeks, which was really not fun.

00:12:55.788 --> 00:13:07.000
At one of my appointments I had a lot of like clear fluid come out and I told my nurse practitioner that and she said oh my goodness, the next time that happens you need to call us.

00:13:07.000 --> 00:13:19.619
So sure enough, it was like a week later And I was sitting on a chair at work starting an IV and I felt fluid go all the way through my scrub pants.

00:13:19.619 --> 00:13:25.876
And so I, you know, went to the bathroom, saw it was like clear fluid, no blood, no blood.

00:13:25.876 --> 00:13:32.437
And I called my OB and they said you need to go to this emergency room to make sure your water didn't break.

00:13:32.619 --> 00:13:35.787
And I'm like I'm pretty sure I just maybe peed myself a little.

00:13:35.787 --> 00:13:49.442
So I was worried, but my co-worker is kindly, put me on the OR table and brought out the ultrasound and they said well, before you get shipped off to the ER, let's just make you feel a little bit better.

00:13:49.442 --> 00:13:52.528
And so, sure enough, she was in there doing gymnastics.

00:13:52.528 --> 00:13:56.602
You could see fluid pockets around her And so that was reassuring.

00:13:56.602 --> 00:14:02.567
So I did go home and take a shower and then went to the ER and my water had not broken.

00:14:02.567 --> 00:14:05.515
So I went to the ER because I maybe peed myself.

00:14:05.515 --> 00:14:08.583
That's a fun story to tell, and you're not alone in that.

00:14:09.567 --> 00:14:10.789
Many people go to the ER.

00:14:13.436 --> 00:14:14.418
And one of my best friends.

00:14:14.418 --> 00:14:20.623
she was like you know, i had a lot of discharge too, so it's like it's just a thing that happens.

00:14:20.623 --> 00:14:21.946
That's probably it.

00:14:22.335 --> 00:14:22.875
I feel like, though.

00:14:22.875 --> 00:14:27.447
so with the girl pregnancy, i feel like that's more of the case.

00:14:27.447 --> 00:14:31.162
I always thought my water broke when I was pregnant with my daughter, so maybe it's estrogen.

00:14:31.182 --> 00:14:33.066
Yeah, that's a good point, i don't know All right.

00:14:33.066 --> 00:14:39.123
So then 20 weeks we have the anatomy scan And that's where things got a little bit interesting.

00:14:39.123 --> 00:14:40.418
I'm feeling better.

00:14:40.418 --> 00:14:43.793
At that point Everything was looking good with this.

00:14:44.075 --> 00:14:46.825
They diagnosed a filamentous cord insertion.

00:14:46.825 --> 00:15:05.268
You know that everyone in the hospital if you see a filamentous cord insertion you gather around and you look at the filamentous cord insertion, where that cord is supposed to be attached nice and securely from the fetus to the placenta, right in the center and in a nice juicy protected site.

00:15:05.268 --> 00:15:11.017
The filamentous cord insertion is a little bit more precariously placed And it's like the.

00:15:11.017 --> 00:15:17.222
The vessel is attached inside of the membranes So they don't seem as well protected.

00:15:17.222 --> 00:15:22.643
It can cause baby not to grow as well And you worry about those vessels possibly breaking.

00:15:22.643 --> 00:15:24.321
It was a lot to digest.

00:15:24.321 --> 00:15:28.905
So at the anatomy scan they also found that I had a short cervix.

00:15:28.905 --> 00:15:33.105
There was no funneling but the cervical length was just short.

00:15:33.105 --> 00:15:49.059
So they brought me in for, i think, four consecutive weeks to monitor my cervical length, make sure it wasn't getting shorter, and ultimately my cervical length didn't change too much, but it was just kind of a thing that was in the back of my mind.

00:15:49.059 --> 00:15:53.995
I did get carpal tunnel, kelly, i remember you having carpal tunnel, that with Owen.

00:15:54.274 --> 00:16:02.964
Oh yeah, i couldn't well with both, but I couldn't start IVs for like six months And even it was after I came back I still had numbness on my fingers.

00:16:02.964 --> 00:16:03.705
It was awful.

00:16:03.806 --> 00:16:06.351
Yeah, i remembered deferring a lot of IVs.

00:16:06.351 --> 00:16:07.914
My hands just aren't working.

00:16:07.914 --> 00:16:09.961
I feel like you're just going in blind.

00:16:09.961 --> 00:16:10.604
Yeah.

00:16:10.604 --> 00:16:13.001
You know I work with pregnant women.

00:16:13.001 --> 00:16:16.659
I knew pregnant women, i knew how uncomfortable they were.

00:16:16.659 --> 00:16:21.663
but you don't know how uncomfortable it is until you're there and you're just so uncomfortable.

00:16:21.835 --> 00:16:22.836
Yeah, especially.

00:16:22.836 --> 00:16:30.261
I mean neither one of us are huge people with huge illnesses, So like, where does that baby fit Exactly.

00:16:31.075 --> 00:16:38.230
And I think just walking up the hill or getting out of bed my husband would say are you okay, just breathing heavy?

00:16:38.230 --> 00:16:42.562
I'm okay, no distress, just breathing real heavy right now.

00:16:42.562 --> 00:16:50.926
And then let's see, around 37 weeks I got itchy palms at night.

00:16:50.926 --> 00:17:01.966
There were a couple nights in a row where I was just up scratching, scratching my palms And I knew I had to call my OB and let them know that this might be cholestasis.

00:17:01.966 --> 00:17:06.084
So they brought me in for labs.

00:17:06.084 --> 00:17:12.844
They checked liver function and bile acids And those results didn't come back for a week.

00:17:12.844 --> 00:17:15.055
So I was at a regular OB appointment.

00:17:15.055 --> 00:17:16.922
It was on a Monday in April.

00:17:16.922 --> 00:17:27.924
I was 38 weeks and five days And my provider looked over the results And I would look at them because I got them back a little bit sooner.

00:17:27.924 --> 00:17:28.997
So I peaked at them.

00:17:28.997 --> 00:17:38.423
Liver function was fine and bile acids were just like barely barely elevated, so I wasn't super concerned.

00:17:38.423 --> 00:17:42.286
But he said you know we're going to bring you in for an induction tonight.

00:17:42.536 --> 00:17:46.540
I said well, but my bile acids, they're so low And he said well, that was a week ago.

00:17:47.016 --> 00:17:48.160
Oh, that makes perfect sense.

00:17:48.160 --> 00:18:03.767
Okay, so I had an induction of labor for cholestasis And he did check my cervix at that appointment And I think it was two to three that morning, so not too shabby, and I felt like I was contracting every two to three minutes on my way to the appointment.

00:18:03.767 --> 00:18:20.076
I was kind of timing them and they weren't super painful, but there was a regular counter in there And when we, my husband just happened to be off that day, which was really good, so we could clean the house, get the dogs walk, to get everything ready and have an evening induction.

00:18:20.076 --> 00:18:25.006
And he said well, do you want to go home and take a nap and rest?

00:18:25.006 --> 00:18:32.344
And I said, heck, no, let's go walk the dogs, let's clean the house, let's keep this thing rolling, because I feel some contractions.

00:18:32.344 --> 00:18:36.506
I could help myself out here by just keeping the ball rolling.

00:18:36.506 --> 00:18:39.654
So we went in at eight o'clock that evening.

00:18:39.654 --> 00:18:41.101
Yeah, it was an eight o'clock induction.

00:18:41.101 --> 00:18:45.645
You have to actually call and make sure they can still take you.

00:18:46.154 --> 00:18:47.625
Even though you were a medical induction.

00:18:47.645 --> 00:18:59.983
Yeah, Yeah, you can do that, i can't, which is kind of nice for the hospital, for the hospital And I thought the plan was to insert a servidil and I thought it might be kind of a long process.

00:18:59.983 --> 00:19:01.240
We had our banks packed.

00:19:01.240 --> 00:19:03.340
I told my husband, like, bring your computer.

00:19:03.340 --> 00:19:08.484
We might be pretty bored really until things get moving.

00:19:08.484 --> 00:19:10.381
So we arrived at 8.

00:19:10.381 --> 00:19:16.067
I had my IV in everything done and ptosis started at 9.

00:19:16.067 --> 00:19:20.839
So I thought I thought we were going the servidil route, thought I had some time here.

00:19:20.839 --> 00:19:22.200
But he did check me again.

00:19:22.200 --> 00:19:25.404
He said you're 390 and minus 2.

00:19:25.755 --> 00:19:26.759
We're going ptosin.

00:19:26.759 --> 00:19:31.066
Ok, i wasn't mentally there, you know, but I was.

00:19:31.066 --> 00:19:36.463
I was showing every two to three minutes on the monitor, so I had some good uterine activity to work with.

00:19:36.463 --> 00:19:39.064
And this is where my timeline gets.

00:19:39.064 --> 00:19:47.045
I thought I would remember everything, like clearly, vividly, time everything, but it just kind of goes all over the place for me.

00:19:47.836 --> 00:19:48.961
So she started pit.

00:19:48.961 --> 00:19:58.203
I was also GBS positive And I had a penicillin allergy listed in my chart, which I don't think is real, but I never got tested.

00:19:58.203 --> 00:19:59.539
I wish I would have, though.

00:19:59.539 --> 00:20:01.361
So they gave me thencomycin.

00:20:01.361 --> 00:20:07.584
They started that shortly after the ptosin, and I just remember feeling like my scalp was on fire.

00:20:07.584 --> 00:20:10.842
I was itching, scrunching.

00:20:10.842 --> 00:20:26.144
Yeah, they give you a high dose for the first loading dose of vancomycin And then you get it again, and then another eight hours, so I just felt miserable, and then, once they shut it off, it was better, and then I was just trying to focus on.

00:20:26.144 --> 00:20:30.661
I wasn't in a ton of pain, but I was feeling stuff, trying to move around the room.

00:20:30.661 --> 00:20:38.544
I got up to the bathroom like 8 million times just because that felt better, and it was around 1 AM.

00:20:38.544 --> 00:20:40.221
I was getting uncomfortable.

00:20:40.375 --> 00:20:54.106
So, about four hours on the ptosin, and the doctor came in to check me And I wasn't able to sleep or really be still, and I told my OB I would really like to get an epidural.

00:20:54.106 --> 00:20:55.279
Probably break my water.

00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:57.501
Next, i want to get an epidural before you do that.

00:20:57.501 --> 00:21:00.825
So he checks me and my water breaks.

00:21:00.825 --> 00:21:07.801
So it was a pretty intense exam, and then my water broke at that point And then it just all hit the fan.

00:21:07.801 --> 00:21:11.825
I mean clear fluid, thankfully, but just so much pain.

00:21:11.825 --> 00:21:19.724
It was like just in a wave over me And I know that's how mama sounded.

00:21:19.724 --> 00:21:27.164
So I did ask for the epidural, like, bring that epidural in right away, please, i need it.

00:21:27.164 --> 00:21:29.061
It felt like forever.

00:21:29.061 --> 00:21:39.644
It felt like it just took forever And you know how some women they're in so much pain that they're just not hoping while I'm comparably still for the epidural.

00:21:39.644 --> 00:21:45.286
That's how I felt And I also felt very alone while I was getting my epidural.

00:21:45.286 --> 00:21:48.443
They didn't have my partner come sit near me.

00:21:48.443 --> 00:21:59.082
Usually during an epidural or when someone's in terrible pain, you try to give them a word of encouragement Hey, you're doing great, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, or just coaching on breathing.

00:21:59.082 --> 00:22:03.241
That's a really good time to do that And I felt like no one was talking to me.

00:22:03.241 --> 00:22:11.084
So that was kind of hard And the epidural running and it did relieve some of the pain, most of the pain on the well, all of the pain on the right.

00:22:11.084 --> 00:22:20.606
But on the left side I had kind of like a weird window, but it was like under my left butt cheek Very weird.

00:22:20.606 --> 00:22:22.501
So a lot of pain in that area.

00:22:22.501 --> 00:22:23.980
So I tried to stay comfortable.

00:22:23.980 --> 00:22:25.740
I'll move around a lot in bed.

00:22:25.740 --> 00:22:34.022
And when my nurse came in to put my catheter in, she checked me and I was still three.

00:22:34.022 --> 00:22:37.104
I was like I'm in an awful lot of pain to only be three.

00:22:37.104 --> 00:22:42.079
And then my mind went to those places like, ok, i see where this is going.

00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:47.242
Maybe my body's not going to respond And I'm going to have a C-section.

00:22:47.242 --> 00:22:52.722
Ok, that's fine, because I didn't know I don't really know this OB very well.

00:22:52.722 --> 00:22:57.060
Is he going to tolerate many, many hours on pit without cervical change?

00:22:57.060 --> 00:22:58.480
So I texted my mom.

00:22:58.480 --> 00:23:03.701
It's like, hey, mom, i'm still three, i have my epidural, probably going to be a C-section.

00:23:03.701 --> 00:23:11.565
And so then my mom's in Florida, she's all worried about me And that's what's in her head, so we just keep moving along.

00:23:11.775 --> 00:23:15.997
Had the peanut ball was going side to side with that At some point.

00:23:15.997 --> 00:23:25.787
I had my second dose of Vencomycin And it was a smaller dose So it wasn't as severe, with the hair on fire kind of feeling.

00:23:25.787 --> 00:23:42.784
And that pain in the left side was creeping up on me really badly at like 4 or 5 in the morning, and so I called my nurse And I said I think I'm going to need an epidural redose because this left side is just feeling bad.

00:23:42.784 --> 00:23:44.923
And she said OK, well, let me check you first.

00:23:44.923 --> 00:23:46.340
She checked me and I was complete.

00:23:46.340 --> 00:23:48.403
So 10 centimeters, rock and roll.

00:23:48.403 --> 00:23:56.200
She's like OK, well, you can start pushing, but your provider is back in a C-section, like oh man.

00:23:56.694 --> 00:23:58.201
So we waited to push.

00:23:58.201 --> 00:24:00.864
It was after 6 when I could start pushing.

00:24:00.864 --> 00:24:03.182
So that's where my timeline is kind of jumbled.

00:24:03.182 --> 00:24:11.944
I knew I was complete for a long time, labored down for a really long time, but I'm not sure how long And then he finished with everything, came in.

00:24:11.944 --> 00:24:14.282
We started pushing a little bit after 6.

00:24:14.282 --> 00:24:16.521
And I pushed for 40 minutes.

00:24:16.714 --> 00:24:17.660
I wanted the mirror.

00:24:17.660 --> 00:24:19.078
They offered the mirror.

00:24:19.078 --> 00:24:26.884
I love using stuff that I used to use on my patients just to see, because you're always like am I a person who's going to want the mirror?

00:24:26.884 --> 00:24:29.063
Either people love it or they hate it.

00:24:29.063 --> 00:24:30.821
No, i do not want to see it.

00:24:30.821 --> 00:24:32.161
Oh, i forgot something.

00:24:32.234 --> 00:25:04.301
Before I started pushing I got an epidural redose, so my right leg was complete dead weight And I got some more relief on the left side with that redose, but it was pretty close to pushing So I wasn't sure how that was going to go, but I was really thankful for that relief, used the mirror, pushed for about 40 minutes, i remember toward the end I did hear that D cell really slow down into the 60s And everyone got a little excited.

00:25:04.301 --> 00:25:05.900
I was like I know what I need to do here.

00:25:05.900 --> 00:25:14.146
We got to have a baby And she was born right before change of shift 6.54.

00:25:14.146 --> 00:25:16.378
And they put her on my test.

00:25:16.378 --> 00:25:19.160
I was just sobbing.

00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:25.317
I remember there was nothing else in the room, i was just going to let it all out Sobbing.

00:25:25.317 --> 00:25:26.663
It was beautiful.

00:25:26.663 --> 00:25:30.001
It was beautiful And she wasn't crying a ton.

00:25:30.001 --> 00:25:32.103
Her apcaras were 8 and 9.

00:25:32.103 --> 00:25:35.559
But they did leave her there for a while, just stimulated her on my chest.

00:25:35.559 --> 00:25:36.423
It's some suctioning.

00:25:36.423 --> 00:25:40.101
I had a second degree tear So he repaired that.

00:25:40.101 --> 00:25:41.922
I don't remember feeling that.

00:25:41.922 --> 00:25:55.826
I also didn't feel the ring of fire when I was pushing because I had a really heavy epidural And what I followed when I was pushing was that discomfort under my butt cheek.

00:25:55.826 --> 00:25:57.921
That's how I know it's contracting.

00:25:58.255 --> 00:26:00.282
I delivered the placenta shortly after.

00:26:00.282 --> 00:26:05.642
There weren't any big complications And one of my regrets is that.

00:26:05.642 --> 00:26:18.768
Well, i can't really regret it because I was bonding with my incredible beautiful newborn baby And I didn't think to ask about the Vellinantus cord insertion To this day I do not know.

00:26:18.768 --> 00:26:23.892
I did save my placenta for a study through UC Davis.

00:26:23.892 --> 00:26:40.047
In my pregnancy I saw they had this wildfire study because there were pretty bad wildfires like 2021 and last year in California and the surrounding areas, so they wanted to study the effects on pregnancy and birth and babies.

00:26:40.047 --> 00:26:42.748
So I thought that was so cool, wanted to be a part of it.

00:26:42.748 --> 00:26:57.729
So they came to my house, they drew blood while I was pregnant, took fingernail hair clippings, everything, and then I was instructed to save my placenta and someone would come pick up the placenta, which, like saying it out loud, sounds really wild.

00:26:58.460 --> 00:27:11.510
I'm the person that I carry my placenta around, and so the placenta was with us for a long time and I really wish that we would have just gone on a little investigative journey with you.

00:27:11.510 --> 00:27:17.287
Know, hey, hey, husband, grab some gloves, bring that placenta bucket over to me.

00:27:17.287 --> 00:27:18.826
I need to know some things.

00:27:18.826 --> 00:27:20.906
But even in the notes it wasn't in.

00:27:20.906 --> 00:27:23.647
It wasn't in the notes from the provider.

00:27:23.647 --> 00:27:25.365
It said the placenta was normal.

00:27:25.365 --> 00:27:26.923
So we'll never know.

00:27:26.923 --> 00:27:29.007
How was your recovery Recovery?

00:27:29.007 --> 00:27:33.907
So immediately after birth I had a little bit of bleeding and had to get methyrgine.

00:27:33.907 --> 00:27:40.403
It was really sore but managed with ibuprofen and Tylenol, so nothing crazy.

00:27:40.403 --> 00:27:42.065
I was really thankful for that.

00:27:42.279 --> 00:27:45.500
What kind of support do you have at home, Like what?

00:27:45.500 --> 00:27:47.087
when you came home, how was that?

00:27:47.087 --> 00:27:48.767
How was your postpartum?

00:27:48.819 --> 00:27:55.528
My mom was scheduled to fly here from Florida on her due date, so the 13th but she was born on the sted.

00:27:55.528 --> 00:28:01.048
So we actually had a week just when I stood in night at home, which was really nice to just have us there.

00:28:01.048 --> 00:28:04.950
Otherwise we did not have much support at all.

00:28:04.950 --> 00:28:08.470
I had a friend, like my first California friend.

00:28:08.470 --> 00:28:21.766
She brought a meal over the night that we got home from the hospital And I thought that was just the most amazing thing And it was spaghetti and salad And it was the best tasting spaghetti that we didn't have to cook.

00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:24.209
We didn't have to think about what we were eating or preparing.

00:28:24.209 --> 00:28:26.461
We ate it for a couple of nights Now.

00:28:26.461 --> 00:28:32.068
It's just such a really nice gift And it did make me think in the future.

00:28:32.068 --> 00:28:33.704
You know, you kind of obsess.

00:28:33.704 --> 00:28:39.807
If you're gonna cook for someone, you want it to be really tasty, and is it something they're gonna like?

00:28:39.807 --> 00:28:41.270
It doesn't matter.

00:28:41.270 --> 00:28:48.126
You have to let go of that and just know that you're supporting someone in a really neat way, showing up for them just to drop off the meal.

00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:50.188
Yeah the meals that I got to.

00:28:50.188 --> 00:28:54.744
It didn't have to be anything fancy, it was just like oh, one thing that I don't have to think about.

00:28:54.744 --> 00:28:58.484
Exactly, you had mentioned that you weren't sure if you were peeing yourself.

00:28:58.484 --> 00:29:02.278
Did you have any issues with, like, public floor or anything?

00:29:02.298 --> 00:29:02.599
like that.

00:29:02.599 --> 00:29:07.402
No, i felt a lot of heaviness but I did not have urinary incontinence And I did.

00:29:07.402 --> 00:29:09.729
I thought I would because of that early on.

00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:16.263
I remember when I was going through all my public floor issues and you were running and I was like don't run.

00:29:16.304 --> 00:29:18.190
So much you're gonna regret it Yeah.

00:29:18.880 --> 00:29:38.729
But so I did some public floor physical therapy and there was this lack of mind body connection with my core, like my lower abdomen and my brain, and from the therapy I think at some point I managed to like reconnect that And now when I run I feel like I'm really engaging in my core and it's actually helping my public floor.

00:29:38.729 --> 00:29:44.265
So I think it's one of those things where they say that that's an issue, but maybe it's not as much of an issue as we make it.

00:29:44.380 --> 00:29:53.227
I definitely wish that they would just send you to a public floor physical therapist, like in your pregnancy, and so you can prevent some of those issues.

00:29:53.227 --> 00:30:10.126
Yeah, and I've heard to get to that point after you deliver and you have to find all these people and make appointments and you have a newborn, and so I did ask about public floor physical therapy, but I never went, but I was glad that I had some recommendations.

00:30:10.126 --> 00:30:15.772
I use YouTube videos for postpartum specific trainers.

00:30:15.772 --> 00:30:21.369
Yeah, like you were saying, just engaging in that mind, body engagement makes such a difference.

00:30:21.369 --> 00:30:25.429
Wow, i've been working out wrong for so many years.

00:30:25.429 --> 00:30:25.730
Yeah.

00:30:26.800 --> 00:30:33.249
So when you were pushing I know we teach people to push What was it that like kind of clicked for you?

00:30:33.249 --> 00:30:37.147
What worked for you Other than like feeling that, feeling the contractions?

00:30:37.147 --> 00:30:43.619
but was there a time when you're like, oh, this is right, This is how I'm doing it right, Or these are the muscles that I need to pull out?

00:30:43.680 --> 00:30:55.646
Yeah, that was hard, because I do remember points where I was pushing in my face And I'm like I know that I'm pushing in my face and I have to really switch it up here And I just concentrated.

00:30:55.646 --> 00:30:57.185
I do think the mirror helped.

00:30:57.185 --> 00:31:00.509
Yeah, focusing mentally on where you're pushing down below.

00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:11.545
Okay, So I ask everybody this if you could go back and talk to yourself before this whole fertility journey and the whole process, what do you wish that you could go back and say to Erica, maybe help you through this journey?

00:31:12.460 --> 00:31:20.483
I would tell myself you want to be a mom, you've always wanted to be a mom, you will be, You will be a mom.

00:31:20.483 --> 00:31:39.244
It's going to be a long road And I mean I would do it all again, but it's going to be okay, you're going to be okay, your baby's going to be okay, and there's just so much anxiety, so much worry that you can focus on And so many dark places you can go in your mind throughout all of it.

00:31:39.244 --> 00:32:03.787
So, just being able to lighten the load again, like enjoy, enjoy your pregnancy, make sure you celebrate all these little milestones and celebrate openly, cause I was kind of just celebrating to myself because it was too vulnerable, i had too many disappointments going through infertility that I probably didn't fully enjoy my pregnancy And just knowing that it's going to be okay.

00:32:04.119 --> 00:32:11.707
And then I think that it's hard for people to know what they're saying to people that are going through this journey.

00:32:11.707 --> 00:32:18.768
I've had to like really be conscious of how things are said, because we kind of are cultureized.

00:32:18.768 --> 00:32:32.328
if that's a word to say, do you have any kids, or those questions that can be kind of triggering, and I've kind of changed it to tell me about your family instead of things that might be triggering.

00:32:32.328 --> 00:32:39.431
But what are some things that you might tell people Just to kind of, if someone is going through that journey, when they're talking?

00:32:39.680 --> 00:32:45.488
I love that you're asking tell me about your family, because, like you said, it can be really triggering.

00:32:45.488 --> 00:32:50.847
And we worked in labor and delivery, the fertility capital of the hospital.

00:32:50.847 --> 00:32:58.789
So every day on the unit you get asked by your patients, by coworkers do you have kids?

00:32:58.789 --> 00:33:00.665
Oh no, do you want kids?

00:33:00.665 --> 00:33:07.586
And then you know you start making jokes Well, i'm just gonna adopt a bunch of dogs, and things like that.

00:33:07.586 --> 00:33:10.468
But you don't know what someone's going through.

00:33:10.468 --> 00:33:13.568
You don't know if somebody wants to have children.

00:33:13.568 --> 00:33:15.887
You don't know if somebody can have children.

00:33:15.887 --> 00:33:24.528
Maybe they had a diagnosis early on in their life that they haven't had to cope with yet, but they will, that they might not be able to have children.

00:33:24.528 --> 00:33:32.027
So maybe waiting until that's offered, but also trying to understand, because you don't really know when to talk about it.

00:33:32.027 --> 00:33:40.366
When you're going through infertility, you don't know who to talk about it with, who you're safe to talk about it with, with all your feelings surrounding it.

00:33:40.366 --> 00:33:44.871
But you have to have someone who understands.

00:33:44.871 --> 00:33:45.962
Did I answer your?

00:33:46.002 --> 00:33:51.207
question Yeah, i think it's good to know things to say to not make things harder for people.

00:33:51.207 --> 00:33:55.105
And then you moved someplace when you had your first and didn't know anybody.

00:33:55.105 --> 00:34:04.728
If you could do anything to kind of help moms recreate the village, what are some things that you would recommend to help new moms during that that?

00:34:04.808 --> 00:34:05.230
stage.

00:34:05.230 --> 00:34:15.452
If you do know of someone and just asking what preferences you have, I'm going to make you a meal or bring you groceries What would you like?

00:34:15.452 --> 00:34:19.722
Because I'm the person that's going to say no, don't do that, We can order out.

00:34:19.722 --> 00:34:23.114
So yeah, just saying you're going to show up for them somehow.

00:34:23.114 --> 00:34:31.313
The other thing is I wish people knew, when they're in a new situation, how to find other moms, how to find support.

00:34:31.965 --> 00:34:33.030
That was really hard for me.

00:34:33.030 --> 00:34:35.793
I felt isolated and lonely for a while.

00:34:35.793 --> 00:34:50.956
You have this whole other human being that's attached to you all the time, but you still have that longing to be surrounded by supportive people who are maybe going through what you're going through, because maybe your partner doesn't understand, even if they're trying to.

00:34:50.956 --> 00:34:58.713
So I found a group through my local rec center And it's a play group for the kids.

00:34:58.713 --> 00:35:06.516
It's like art and music not really art because they're too little, But that's a difference to go and sit in the circle with other moms.

00:35:06.925 --> 00:35:11.891
So if you look for those things early and know where to find them, I think that's really helpful.

00:35:11.891 --> 00:35:36.211
So I think I'll tell all the new moms about that kind of resource or your local library where you can go and your baby can be around other babies and you can be around other moms And I found a little fitness group called fit for mom and they have a class called stroller strides And you can bring your baby in the stroller and you work out, And that's something I wish I would have found sooner.

00:35:36.644 --> 00:35:39.153
Yeah, I had no idea that any of those things existed either.

00:35:39.153 --> 00:35:46.715
I mean, I knew they existed, but finding them in the new city was hard because I had a friend that was hooking me up in New York and then we moved.

00:35:46.925 --> 00:35:50.552
So And not really have family nearby either.

00:35:50.552 --> 00:35:52.931
right, Were they able to fly out after she was?

00:35:53.032 --> 00:35:53.353
born.

00:35:53.353 --> 00:35:56.992
They did for a bit off and on, but it was so.

00:35:56.992 --> 00:35:58.637
I mean, the move was so overwhelming.

00:35:58.637 --> 00:36:00.813
I would imagine that you're going through the same thing.

00:36:00.813 --> 00:36:04.313
Just just feeling like your whole life is just in chaos is rough.

00:36:04.434 --> 00:36:08.829
Yeah, and wishing you had a relative down the road to Yeah.

00:36:09.565 --> 00:36:10.268
Oh, did you have any?

00:36:10.268 --> 00:36:12.431
Well, you said that you felt lonely.

00:36:12.431 --> 00:36:17.876
Did you have any issues with most part of depression or anxiety that you saw someone for?

00:36:18.097 --> 00:36:27.315
I didn't And I've had anxiety kind of a basic level for years And I know that it was much worse during COVID.

00:36:27.315 --> 00:36:31.913
I should have had medicine for it Or at least have been in therapy, and I wasn't.

00:36:31.913 --> 00:36:40.951
And looking back now I can see so clearly I wasn't healthy then And I was going through so much with ideas, plus COVID I wasn't sleeping well.

00:36:40.951 --> 00:36:45.710
I would wake up in the middle of the night, couldn't go back to sleep and just having all these kind of ruminating thoughts.

00:36:45.710 --> 00:36:55.170
So I was kind of prepared Okay, this can happen postpartum too, and I knew what to look out for with myself.

00:36:55.170 --> 00:36:58.958
But I'm surprised how much clarity I had.

00:36:58.958 --> 00:37:01.112
That's not to say I didn't have anxiety.

00:37:01.565 --> 00:37:08.534
I remember dropping my in-laws off at the airport with them in the back And she was really crying upset.

00:37:08.534 --> 00:37:16.335
So we stopped at Starbucks And I remember that when I drove away from Starbucks I just kept looking in the rear view mirror.

00:37:16.335 --> 00:37:17.157
I didn't leave her.

00:37:17.157 --> 00:37:21.155
I didn't leave her because you have this like terrible fear.

00:37:21.155 --> 00:37:24.471
So I just kept double checking Is she there?

00:37:24.471 --> 00:37:25.233
Is she there?

00:37:25.233 --> 00:37:27.117
Reach back, touch her, is she there?

00:37:27.117 --> 00:37:34.737
That's the kind of border on normal but could lead to anxiety if you're not functioning well.

00:37:34.737 --> 00:37:36.952
Did that resolve it at a certain point.

00:37:36.952 --> 00:37:39.534
I think I still have moments like that.

00:37:39.534 --> 00:37:43.534
You just picture these worst case scenarios and you're like where did that come from?

00:37:43.534 --> 00:37:51.438
And a couple months ago I was having sleep disturbances again and just feeling that anxiety creeping in.

00:37:51.438 --> 00:37:56.695
So I reached out to my nurse practitioner at the OB's office and I said this is what's happening.

00:37:56.695 --> 00:37:59.552
I need a plan in place just in case.

00:37:59.552 --> 00:38:08.007
So she gave me therapist numbers and she said we can manage your medications if you end up meeting them.

00:38:08.007 --> 00:38:10.911
And I felt like that mellowed out.

00:38:11.244 --> 00:38:16.454
So, yeah, i felt the same way kind of with my first, but then with my second started kind of ramping up.

00:38:16.454 --> 00:38:18.358
Yeah Well, i'm glad that you have a plan in place.

00:38:18.358 --> 00:38:21.393
I think that everybody needs to just kind of constantly look out for it.

00:38:21.393 --> 00:38:24.153
I don't think I noticed it as quickly as I should have.

00:38:24.153 --> 00:38:28.934
But if you're staying up at night thinking about things, maybe it's time to go do something, right?

00:38:28.954 --> 00:38:29.594
And you just see it.

00:38:29.614 --> 00:38:34.005
Maybe Okay, I just didn't sleep that well last night, but there's something deeper going on.

00:38:34.045 --> 00:39:09.510
And the other I know you didn't ask this, but I do want to include that something that happened for us was that my husband did not bond with Viv right away, And you see a picture in everyone else's new families of this couple, these partners leaning over the baby and just in this collective awe and the you know mind's blown or baby's here, and that didn't happen for us, And so I think it's so important to normalize that that not that might not be happening to you based on you have two people.

00:39:09.592 --> 00:39:17.456
If you're raising babies with two people in a partnership and one is like just going through it.

00:39:17.456 --> 00:39:36.876
He was going through it And so it took him months and months And I asked him for permission to even say this because I don't want to like throw him under the bus, but I think it's really important for people to hear that that might be your situation too, where you're not like equally just bonding with the baby.

00:39:36.876 --> 00:39:46.974
It's really different for the non-births and pure, and it takes some time Like build that attachment and really be fully reaching for your baby.

00:39:47.115 --> 00:39:50.673
And yeah, I mean, they kind of come out like little bitty aliens.

00:39:50.673 --> 00:39:54.391
They don't seem human at first And I think that's shocking to everyone.

00:39:54.391 --> 00:40:01.753
I feel like I feel like my husband had a little bit of an issue with it too And also not really understanding like what needs to be done.

00:40:01.753 --> 00:40:11.114
He, i mean, he tried, he played with her and, you know, try to do fun stuff with her, and they're just there's not much that they can do in return.

00:40:11.114 --> 00:40:18.831
And so it's like such a delay and like the smiles happen later and the responses happen later, the eye contact happens later.

00:40:19.045 --> 00:40:29.293
And if you're the one that's like holding them and with them all day and you were the one that was pregnant, so you knew this baby was coming, you felt this baby every day They did it.

00:40:29.293 --> 00:40:39.992
It's almost like I had this video of my husband when he found out, when I told him I was in labor, and he's just like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, like totally in shock, and I was like this reaction is not helpful.

00:40:39.992 --> 00:40:41.610
I'm going to need your support now.

00:40:41.610 --> 00:40:43.730
It's not time for you to melt down.

00:40:43.730 --> 00:40:49.155
It's almost like, yeah, he didn't realize it was actually going to happen.

00:40:49.155 --> 00:40:52.230
So I think they need that time to like.

00:40:52.230 --> 00:40:53.693
Really, i don't know.

00:40:53.693 --> 00:40:55.376
It's almost like they don't.

00:40:55.376 --> 00:40:57.369
They're like in shock for the first three months.

00:40:57.449 --> 00:41:02.445
Yeah, They could probably just compartmentalize Right Happens And then they're like now I need to prepare.

00:41:02.445 --> 00:41:03.849
Where do I?

00:41:03.909 --> 00:41:04.190
start.

00:41:04.190 --> 00:41:09.014
Yes, Yeah, I sent him to daddy boot camp, but it didn't emotionally prepare him.

00:41:09.014 --> 00:41:10.590
So, yeah, it's rough.

00:41:10.590 --> 00:41:12.829
I think it's rough for men And that's not the.

00:41:12.829 --> 00:41:20.152
I mean, we've seen dads at the hospital that act like that, that you're just like you are having a baby And they really just I mean it's.

00:41:20.152 --> 00:41:33.916
It'd be interesting to see them a year later and see what happens, because I really just think that there's this deer in the headlights so often for such a long time, And then this little thing comes out and they're so little and so fragile and kind of terrifying.

00:41:33.916 --> 00:41:40.192
So it's kind of I feel like it's kind of normal, Yeah, To have dads kind of be like Oh, what is this?

00:41:40.192 --> 00:41:41.014
It's not a puppy.

00:41:41.014 --> 00:41:42.289
No, don't come out walking.

00:41:42.289 --> 00:41:46.934
Well, Erica, was there anything else that you wanted to share that we didn't go over?

00:41:46.934 --> 00:41:47.596
I think so.

00:41:47.596 --> 00:41:49.744
Well, thank you so much for sharing everything.

00:41:49.744 --> 00:41:54.275
I'm sorry we've had so many technical difficulties and adorable difficulties.

00:41:54.965 --> 00:41:58.853
Making a podcast with a baby here, 13 months old today.

00:41:58.853 --> 00:42:00.876
Yeah, he's phone obsessed.

00:42:00.916 --> 00:42:03.481
Hi, buddy, yeah, yes, you are.

00:42:03.481 --> 00:42:04.684
Congratulations on your podcast.

00:42:05.967 --> 00:42:11.509
I'm really excited for you And I think you're doing something so important And I know it's hard work.

00:42:11.509 --> 00:42:19.164
There's so much probably that's happening behind the scenes and editing and lining everything up, thus working plus being a mom.

00:42:19.164 --> 00:42:22.791
This is important stuff, so thanks for making this happen.