Steph Sellen's Birth Evolution: Lessons in Advocacy and Strength

Transcript

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Hello, today I have with me Steph Sellin.

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Steph is the mother of six, soon to be seven.

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She's a real estate agent and the host of the Real Live, real Estate, real Deal podcast, and she is here to tell her birth stories and the lessons she has learned with each birth that have helped her master the birthing process.

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Steph, welcome and thank you so much for joining me.

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Thank you for having me.

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I'm excited to be here.

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I can't wait to hear what you have to say and all the things that you've been through and learned from all that fun stuff.

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Yeah, I'm kind of how much time do we have?

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I booked two hours, oh God.

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No, I'm just kidding.

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But yeah, I'm excited.

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I'm excited to share it all.

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I gotta be honest, once I knew I was doing this, I had to like go through like my Facebook posts and the kids, the books.

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I didn't really film out a whole lot, but just to remind myself, because I've been given birth for almost 20 years now, I couldn't remember a lot of the stuff, so I've been kind of studying for that.

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I love that.

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I love that you've been studying.

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Yeah, I had to remind myself of everything that happened because they kind of blurred together.

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So amazing, well, so okay, you said 20 years, wow, so you have, your oldest is 20.

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Well, she's eight.

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I said about 20 years, but she's 18.

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She just turned 18.

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Yeah, and how old were you when you got pregnant with her 20.

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What was the story there?

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Okay, cool.

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Yeah, I was 20.

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I was really young.

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We were actually planning on getting married and then I got pregnant, so we moved the wedding back.

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And.

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I ended up having her a month after I turned 21.

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So I didn't even get to have a 21st birthday.

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I was pregnant, but that's been my life for 18 years.

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Most traumatic, awful birth, because back then you didn't really have Facebook and message groups and people to learn from.

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You were pretty much on your own and I didn't even know what a midwife or a doula was.

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Back then, when I got pregnant, I just asked my mom and her friends who they used and they recommended this OB and his office was dark and dingy.

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It was scary.

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It was scary, he was scary and with that pregnancy I don't remember a whole lot, but I remember at the end I had terrible swelling, like awful swelling, like you could grab my leg and your handprints would be there forever.

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And I questioned it and he, he kept saying I was fine, it was normal, and I went overdue about 41 weeks with her and he finally decided to induce me because I just developed preeclampsia.

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I think I had preeclampsia well before he diagnosed me, but I didn't know anything about preeclampsia.

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I had no idea because I was 20 and young and dumb and never went through that before.

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So he ended up inducing me and I felt awful because I had to go to the hospital like 10 o'clock that night and I didn't know what was going on.

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I knew I was being induced.

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So, like my mom, my grandma, my whole family went with me to the hospital at 10 o'clock that night and they're like no, no, it's going to be a while.

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So everyone else at home but my husband and that morning I remember they, they started like the server deal or whatever that night and then they, they started the Pitocin at like, started the Pitocin at like I don't know, sometime in the morning and everyone was calling and checking to see where I was progressing and I wasn't.

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I was still like zero centimeters.

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Nothing was happening.

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So then they kept upping the Pitocin and I remember between like 10, 30, 11, somewhere around there, my husband went out to call everybody to tell them you know, it's going to be a while.

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I think they checked me around then I may have been two, three centimeters dilated and so he had left to call everybody and the nurse had came in a minute before at my mitosis and it was like a half hour.

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I was kind of by myself and that was the most excruciating pain I've ever been through.

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I couldn't even get the bell to call the nurse, couldn't move.

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I remember laying in bed, staring at the floor, but I don't know if I passed out because the pain was so much or what, but I felt like I was like out of my body because the pain was awful and Dustin finally came in like 20 minutes later and he knew something was wrong and I said I need help.

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So he went and got the nurse and she took forever to come in and I ended up she was crowning.

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So within like 45 minutes I went from two centimeters to 10 and she was crowning.

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That sounds intense.

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It was very I thought I was going to die Like it was awful.

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And so when the nurse came in, I can.

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I can remember her to this day.

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She was a little old lady, her name was Kitty and I remember her calling somebody and saying I need help.

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In here I have a young mom who's never had birthing classes, she doesn't know what she's doing and she's ready to push Like, oh my God, I'm going to die.

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This is awful.

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My nurse is freaking out.

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I'm freaking out.

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My husband was freaking out because he didn't know it was wrong.

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He knew I was like in a lot of pain and I ended up like three pushes later.

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She was here at 11 33 but he went out to call everybody like around 11 and I was by myself and I don't know that last upage of Pitocin just sent it and I went from three centimeters to 10 in like 20 minutes and had her.

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It was awful, it was so scary.

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It was the worst.

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So, yeah, that that was hers.

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So after hers I refused to get induced.

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It took me a very long time to be able to be okay with being induced, because that was the most traumatic and scary thing I've ever been through and it was so painful, it was awful.

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Well, you were by yourself and you'd never yeah completely by myself.

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Nobody checked on me.

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Dustin went out to call people like oh my God, it was.

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I thought I was going to die.

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Yeah.

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Awful, I mean I would imagine that if you've never had any preparation and nobody's told you what to expect, and yeah, yeah.

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You're going to think you're going to get that.

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Nobody thought I was going to go because I mean they just checked me.

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but yeah, it was it was scary, I bet, did you tear it all?

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yeah, yeah, I think I had second degree tears and then they had that one, yeah yeah, did they numb you up for that, god?

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I don't remember, you know, I don't remember that that was 18 years ago.

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I would imagine that, if you didn't remember, you probably yeah, numbed up right yeah, I would imagine, let's say yes yeah, yeah, so that was.

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That was my first birth experience so you didn't give up after that.

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I remember no.

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I should have.

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Firstly, you should have.

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No, I did not.

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Actually, I always wanted two girls.

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I don't know.

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My mom had two girls.

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I kind of wanted two.

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I just wanted two.

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But here we are with my seven.

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Yeah, I was gonna say, but here we are with almost seven.

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Yeah, I was going to say but here we are with almost seven, I give up at two, yeah.

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So then my second.

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I went into labor, naturally with him, thank goodness.

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I remember being at a different hospital.

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We were visiting my husband's grandpa and it was like eight o'clock at night where we had to leave because it was late and I remember feeling a contraction.

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So we went home, got my one daughter, took her to my mom's house, then went to the hospital and it was very.

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It didn't go near as fast as that one because I didn't have Pitocin, because it was very natural, but no, no epidural, no nothing.

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And I think I had him.

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I know I had him at 2.44 in the morning, but I felt my first contraction at 8 pm.

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So once I'm in labor I go pretty quickly and everyone says that's great but that's a lot of pain.

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In a short amount of time it's just a lot.

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It's very intense.

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Between the two births, did you switch OBs?

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I did.

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Yes, After that experience I did more research and stuff and I went to midwives.

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Yeah, they were fantastic.

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What was that like?

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Did they prep you any better?

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Yes, Amazing.

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They were a thousand times better, Always answered my questions, asked me questions, got to know me and even my daughter.

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They were great.

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So after that I was like I will never have another baby with an OB.

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It will always be midwives as long as I can it will always be midwives when I was giving birth.

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That time I remember the midwife and every time I pushed she'd go excellent, excellent, and I just remember seeing stars.

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I'm like, oh, this is fantastic.

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She's like encouraging me and being sweet and kind where that other nurse was like she doesn't know what she's doing, thanks.

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Yeah, way to set someone up for failure.

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Yeah, it was awful.

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So, yeah, I love my midwives.

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I love midwives.

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That's, my that's my go-to now so is a midwife in a hospital?

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Yeah, or were you at a birthing center?

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At a hospital they work with an OB, but yeah, yeah, yeah, not every place has that option.

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I work at one hospital that has that and one that doesn't.

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Oh yeah, I just I love that setup because you can do everything in one place.

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Yep, usually there's two or three midwives at all times there and you see all three of them.

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One kind of takes over, I feel like, for the most part, but the other two will come in and see you and touch base and I loved all my midwives.

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It's amazing.

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Yeah, so first birth was kind of quick but terrible.

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Yeah, second birth was kind of quick but only terrible towards the end, when you're ready to push.

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But you were more prepared for it.

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Yeah, yep, and I knew how to push, I knew what I was doing.

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Yeah, the second birth, I mean other than the pain, because it was natural, it was great, everything went as planned.

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So my first three, they were all just about two years apart.

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My first daughter was born February 10th.

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My son was born February 7th, two years later, and then my daughter was born January 7th, two years later.

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So it was almost all two years.

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It was really weird, but with her I don't remember why they were going to induce me, but they wanted to induce me and I think it might've been.

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My blood pressure was climbing and they wanted me to go right then to the hospital be induced.

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I said I can't, like I was.

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I was freaking because I didn't want to be induced with Pitocin.

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I was terrified and I said I can't.

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I got kids at home, I got to do stuff.

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Can I come back later?

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And they're like well, we're scared, if you leave, you're not going to come back.

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Like I promised I will come back, but I just I can't do it right now.

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So I went home and I waited for my husband to get home and we got the kids ready to go to my parents and we went to the hospital that night and I think the fear of Pitocin put me into labor, because by the time I got there I was contracting and I was already four centimeters.

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I didn't even know it, and that morning I was not, because they checked me to see about the induction and whatever and I was not progressing at all.

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But by the time we went in there that night I was at four centimeters.

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So I think the fear of being induced put me into labor and I ended up having her, naturally no epidural.

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But by that time I was comfortable with my midwives, I knew what I was doing and I was just so glad I did not need Pitocin.

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I remember almost crying when I got and they said you're four centimeters, thank God.

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I was so scared.

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But hers, hers was very, very easy.

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I had her at 12 something and we got to the hospital at 10.

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So I think it was 1248.

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So hers was really quick also.

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But she was born with a rare syndrome.

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It was called Cousin syndrome.

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It affects your skull and your face.

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Your bones fuse together prematurely and so when she was born she looked a little different.

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So the pediatricians wanted me to go and be seen.

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So her birth, to be honest, I don't remember a whole lot because by the time she was three months old she had to have major skull surgery.

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So I just don't remember a lot about her newborn, just her.

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It's always about her syndrome and that kind of stuff.

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But after her we were told if we months and then it'll just throw in a weird period and then I get pregnant so we end up having more.

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So that's how that's how that happened.

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But yeah, hers was very natural, nice quick.

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I was supposed to be induced and I went naturally, so that was cool that's really interesting, because a lot of times fear can stop the labor process.

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Oh yeah, yeah, no, actually it's happened before.

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It happened again with my next pregnancy.

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Okay.

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Yeah, you and fear.

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Yeah, I guess I had to go in for a non-stress test and my blood pressure was going up and this was my fourth, and again they said that they were going to induce me.

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And I tried to not get induced but they put me and hooked me up and I started contracting on my own.

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So I didn't need Pitocin with him either.

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Thank you, baby Jesus.

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I wonder if maybe your blood pressure just goes up when you're in labor.

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That's what I'm.

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I wonder that Because my last one that happened.

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I don't know if you want me to skip ahead, but that that's exactly what happened with my last one.

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My blood pressure was up and but they did do pitocin, but by then I had an epidural.

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But yeah, it's weird, but with with that fourth one, I want an epidural.

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I'm like you know what I've.

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I've done this, I've proved myself.

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I was scared of the needle and I'm like you know what?

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I'm not scared anymore, I want an epidural.

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So when the contractions started getting pretty painful and I was six centimeters, they were putting the epidural in and the contractions were really bad then and I had told him like something's not right.

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I can't, I can't do this.

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And I started leaning to the side and the doctor's yelling at me and I'm like I can't.

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And so then they yelled at the midwife to come in and the midwife and my husband ran in and my husband said holy F word, because his head was out.

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Well, I'm off to the side and they're like they're still trying to give me the epidural.

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I did like just get it out of my back, I need to push.

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So he was coming out as they were trying to administer the epidural, so I didn't really get one.

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But no, didn't, oh, not at all.

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But they, they checked me right before then.

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I feel like now that I've done it enough.

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Once my water breaks, I'm going to be pushing within 10 minutes like it's just it's.

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It's just how fast it goes, and they should have known that.

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But now they do, now they know, yeah, so did your water break?

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with the first three, no, and then oh no, I mean they they they broke my, they break my water.

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I never had your water break.

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With the first three no, and then oh, okay, no, I mean they broke my, they break my water.

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I never had my water break, naturally, ever.

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It's always been at the hospital, a form of induction, or it just breaks while I'm laboring.

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Okay, so then was it shortly after your water broke all four times that your baby was born.

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Yeah, I don't.

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That's what I was trying to.

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I don't remember.

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Oh, got it.

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Yeah, I was, but with the fourth, it was definitely clear yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, that was the plan.

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We'll break your water, then we'll give you the epidural and then see how you progress.

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They broke my water trying to give you the epidural perfect.

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So after that one though, then my fifth one, they they induced me because they were scared of my water breaking and I still wanted to use my midwives, but we had moved, we were an hour away from the hospital but I loved my midwives so I wanted to continue to use them.

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So when I got to 38 weeks, they decided to induce me because of my water breaking and the chance of higher blood pressure.

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So his was a setup induction, but I was scared about Pitocin and I said you know, you're still going to get the epidural, but we'll try to not use Pitocin as much as possible.

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But they ended up having to give me a little bit of pitocin and his was probably the longest the longest induction and and birth.

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But I I was fine with it.

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I think it was like six hours total and laboring.

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But I was completely fine with it because I had the epidural.

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I actually got one, the.

00:15:00.206 --> 00:15:05.890
At first the left side was not working, so they had to come in and and redo it, but it was fantastic.

00:15:05.890 --> 00:15:07.585
Then she came in a couple hours later.

00:15:07.585 --> 00:15:08.548
She's like are you ready to push?

00:15:08.548 --> 00:15:09.804
I'm like I don't think so.

00:15:09.804 --> 00:15:11.945
She's like no, you are, you've got to get ready to push.

00:15:11.945 --> 00:15:12.908
We're at 10 centimeters.

00:15:12.908 --> 00:15:15.369
I'm like, oh my God, that's fantastic.

00:15:15.369 --> 00:15:16.845
I felt nothing.

00:15:16.845 --> 00:15:17.889
It was amazing.

00:15:17.889 --> 00:15:24.293
I was so mad at myself for the other ones because it was amazing, it was fantastic.

00:15:24.293 --> 00:15:25.354
But yeah, and I had him.

00:15:25.354 --> 00:15:28.035
They broke my water in about a half hour later.

00:15:28.035 --> 00:15:29.096
They're like you're ready to push?

00:15:29.096 --> 00:15:30.500
I don't feel like I'm ready to push.

00:15:30.500 --> 00:15:33.575
I was actually scared, to be honest, because I didn't have any of the feelings.

00:15:33.575 --> 00:15:35.964
I had no feelings, but I'm.

00:15:35.964 --> 00:15:37.828
He was out within a couple minutes.

00:15:37.889 --> 00:15:39.514
So that's so.

00:15:39.514 --> 00:15:44.174
It's so weird to not feel anything yeah, very weird, especially like the first.

00:15:44.216 --> 00:15:49.910
Like it was, I thought my body was tearing apart and then to go to the epidural and not feel anything.

00:15:49.910 --> 00:15:50.972
It was amazing.

00:15:50.972 --> 00:15:54.971
It was so nice, so amazing so that was five yep, that was.

00:15:54.990 --> 00:16:00.644
That was an induction yep, so then the the one before the current that you're about to right.

00:16:00.985 --> 00:16:08.961
My last one, yeah, is six yep, and that I went in for an appointment and my blood pressure was slightly high and I was.

00:16:08.961 --> 00:16:09.803
I wasn't even.

00:16:09.803 --> 00:16:11.128
I was almost 37 weeks.

00:16:11.128 --> 00:16:28.527
Then All my others I had, pretty like Ryder, the last one, I had him at 38 weeks, but all the ones before that I was either at my due date or over my due date, but with him I wasn't even 37 weeks yet and they checked my blood pressure, went in for just a normal appointment and my blood pressure was slightly high.

00:16:28.527 --> 00:16:30.788
It's like we're inducing you, we're not messing around.

00:16:30.788 --> 00:16:37.347
Then when I had to go, like I just walked from the appointment up to the labor and delivery and I was already contracting.

00:16:37.347 --> 00:16:50.392
So when you said the blood pressure thing, like maybe that's me being in labor and that's when my blood pressure starts going up, Well, another reason could be that preeclampsia can speed up labor at times.

00:16:50.652 --> 00:16:51.033
Oh yeah.

00:16:51.340 --> 00:16:53.626
So I don't know if you were ever officially diagnosed.

00:16:53.947 --> 00:16:54.809
Just the first one.

00:16:55.230 --> 00:17:01.380
Yeah, they have to do labs and all that stuff, but it sounds like they didn't have much time to diagnose you with the others.

00:17:01.380 --> 00:17:03.140
Yeah, so it could be either.

00:17:03.140 --> 00:17:05.082
It could be that Maybe it was this.

00:17:05.082 --> 00:17:09.222
I mean just guessing, because we don't have any like labs or anything, sure.

00:17:09.242 --> 00:17:09.482
Sure.

00:17:09.522 --> 00:17:14.423
It's possibly that possible that your blood pressure was going up and that was indicating that you were in labor.

00:17:14.423 --> 00:17:15.364
Yeah, you're in labor.

00:17:15.364 --> 00:17:17.483
Or maybe the pre-claims you caused the labor.

00:17:17.804 --> 00:17:19.464
Right, yeah, very, very could be.

00:17:19.464 --> 00:17:28.336
Yeah, but yeah, so they still gave me Pitocin because that's the first one, like, I was at zero, pretty much zero centimeters when they checked me and stuff.

00:17:28.336 --> 00:17:30.111
So they still gave me Pitocin.

00:17:30.111 --> 00:17:31.054
But I had an epidural.

00:17:31.054 --> 00:17:40.316
I think that was my longest labor, which was my last one, I think I know my induction was around 11 and we ended up having him.

00:17:40.316 --> 00:17:44.512
I think it was four in the afternoon, so I think he was my longest.

00:17:45.904 --> 00:17:49.323
But again, once they break my my, now they know, once you break my water, you just got to stay there and just wait.

00:17:49.323 --> 00:17:50.428
It's just gonna be a couple minutes.

00:17:50.428 --> 00:17:51.814
Just hold your hand out.

00:17:51.814 --> 00:17:53.721
Yeah, yeah, and that's that's.

00:17:53.721 --> 00:17:56.593
I was like I can't believe it's taken so long, because usually I'm done by now.

00:17:56.593 --> 00:17:57.737
And she's like, don't we to break your water?

00:17:57.737 --> 00:18:00.208
I'm like, yes, please can we get this moving?

00:18:00.208 --> 00:18:03.332
Yeah, and then he was, he was.

00:18:03.332 --> 00:18:09.661
So there was another great birthing experience with the epidural and knowing what was going on and the midwives.

00:18:09.661 --> 00:18:14.050
So yeah, here I am with my seventh Amazing, I haven't stopped yet.

00:18:14.986 --> 00:18:16.028
How far along are you right now?

00:18:16.028 --> 00:18:17.714
30 weeks, okay.

00:18:17.714 --> 00:18:22.154
So do they have a plan for an induction and are you close to the same hospital?

00:18:22.596 --> 00:18:30.273
Yeah Well, I'm still about an hour away and they said because of my advanced maternal age, which I get that saying, I get that saying.

00:18:30.273 --> 00:18:34.814
But then I've heard geriatric pregnancy and elderly multigravity or whatever.

00:18:34.924 --> 00:18:35.950
I'm like are you serious?

00:18:37.246 --> 00:18:43.994
39 years old and you're using geriatric, like that's really been bothering me, but they won't let me go past 39 weeks.

00:18:43.994 --> 00:18:55.891
But because of my age I'm closely monitored and beginning next week I will start a month or weekly ultrasounds and appointments and uh see how it goes from there.

00:18:55.891 --> 00:19:03.270
But yeah, right now it's just they're saying 39 weeks, but I bet it'll be before that so if history repeats?

00:19:03.351 --> 00:19:05.334
yeah, yeah.

00:19:05.334 --> 00:19:10.651
So I think a lot of my listeners want to know, like, how they can be ready for birth.

00:19:10.651 --> 00:19:31.257
When I see patients in the hospital, I see that there's a lot of people that have a lot of fear surrounding the process and either they over prepare to the point where they want to control every aspect of it or they just don't want to think about it and kind of go in without any real knowledge and just kind of hope to wing it.

00:19:31.557 --> 00:19:36.433
And I feel like you can be a testament to both ways, maybe causing trauma.

00:19:36.755 --> 00:19:38.882
Yeah, with my first, I knew nothing.

00:19:38.882 --> 00:19:41.667
I had no real support, no info, no, nothing.

00:19:41.667 --> 00:19:44.753
And then the whole birth was awful.

00:19:44.753 --> 00:19:55.689
So after that I really dived into message groups or support groups online and that helped immensely and I know the last few pregnancies I've had.

00:19:55.689 --> 00:20:00.362
I love watching live births or pregnancy vlogs on YouTube.

00:20:00.362 --> 00:20:03.150
My husband makes fun of me because he's like you've done it enough.

00:20:03.150 --> 00:20:04.394
Do you really need to watch other people?

00:20:04.394 --> 00:20:16.551
It's just a way for me to prepare and find out what other people go through, how they deal with it, and I I watch a pregnancy vlog probably every night and a birth blog, just because I like I mean I've done it before.

00:20:16.551 --> 00:20:21.086
I know I know what to do, but there's so many different scenarios and cases that could happen.

00:20:21.086 --> 00:20:23.912
It's just mentally preparing for what could happen for you.

00:20:23.912 --> 00:20:29.988
So I love that kind of preparing and prepping, watching what other people go through and listening to their birth stories and stuff.

00:20:29.988 --> 00:20:32.615
I'm kind of addicted to birth stories.

00:20:32.634 --> 00:20:35.807
I feel like I have a whole podcast on it, so maybe I am too.

00:20:35.827 --> 00:20:39.654
but yeah, I know a lot of people that are.

00:20:39.654 --> 00:20:41.218
Yeah, yep.

00:20:41.218 --> 00:20:52.847
So watching those and like going through all the different ones I've gone through, I know it's planned for the worst, hope for the best and you can't want it to happen exactly how you want it to happen.

00:20:52.847 --> 00:20:58.125
You got to be open, but to know what could happen is always makes me feel better.

00:20:58.125 --> 00:20:58.587
Anyways.

00:20:59.191 --> 00:21:19.784
Right, yeah, and being able to pivot and make those decisions, like if you're given an option which one resonates with you and if there's a I think there's a lot of if there's an option that you prefer to avoid, yeah, then when would you be open to going that route right, knowing what your cutoff is?

00:21:19.784 --> 00:21:27.992
Yeah, because saying I absolutely don't want this ends up removing options from the table that might actually help you get the outcome you want.

00:21:28.213 --> 00:21:30.189
Yep, and that was my fifth.

00:21:30.189 --> 00:21:33.076
With my fifth pregnancy, with Ryder, that's, that's what it was.

00:21:33.076 --> 00:21:37.508
That was the one that I actually had to be induced for and I was still scared of Pitocin.

00:21:37.508 --> 00:21:41.337
Even though I had every, I was dead set on getting an epidural.

00:21:41.337 --> 00:21:43.748
I was still really scared of the Pitocin.

00:21:44.128 --> 00:21:46.012
And I'm talking to my midwives and stuff.

00:21:46.012 --> 00:21:54.731
They said we will do everything we can to not do the Pitocin, but if we get to that point and you're not progressing, it's going to be worse for you to not progress.

00:21:54.731 --> 00:22:00.068
And then I was like, okay, but as long as they were trying to work with me and not just force the Pitocin on me, it made me feel a lot better.

00:22:00.068 --> 00:22:03.473
It made me feel like I was in control, because they were like we won't do anything.

00:22:03.473 --> 00:22:04.836
They even did that with miles.

00:22:04.836 --> 00:22:06.417
What do I think you don't want us to do?

00:22:06.417 --> 00:22:09.307
But let's just start out slowly and see what happens.

00:22:09.307 --> 00:22:10.910
And then I was okay.

00:22:10.910 --> 00:22:13.615
They always asked is okay If we get up the Pitocin?

00:22:13.615 --> 00:22:15.326
Yes, yes, we're good.

00:22:15.326 --> 00:22:20.690
But yeah, being able to be part of that decision-making was was awesome.

00:22:21.330 --> 00:22:28.777
Yeah, I love that they put you in the driver's seat, because I just hear so much so that moms have their autonomy taken away and that alone will cause trauma.

00:22:29.057 --> 00:22:30.097
Right and knowing.

00:22:30.097 --> 00:22:32.680
Like with Jayden, I didn't know anything, I knew nothing.

00:22:32.680 --> 00:22:40.469
So just knowing and preparing, I think it will make a world of difference.

00:22:40.469 --> 00:22:46.867
Because Jayden's was awful my first one, it was awful, terrible but it taught me to learn and ask questions and find out more, and I'm obsessed with pregnancy vlogs.

00:22:47.008 --> 00:22:50.676
So yeah, there's so many options out there now yeah, yeah, it really is.

00:22:50.724 --> 00:22:54.512
Yeah, I haven't pregnancy for for 18 years like it's.

00:22:54.512 --> 00:23:04.691
It's really changed, and how I prepare now has really changed, because I didn't do anything with jayden, even with brody, and we had some message groups, but that was still 16 years ago.

00:23:04.691 --> 00:23:08.618
Now I feel like you have support and groups everywhere.

00:23:08.618 --> 00:23:10.853
There's 80,000 of them if you want to be a part of them.

00:23:10.853 --> 00:23:12.989
So, yeah, it's nice.

00:23:13.210 --> 00:23:14.994
Yeah, pick a good one, yeah, yeah.

00:23:14.994 --> 00:23:19.115
So you kind of already answered this, but this is an interesting question to me.

00:23:19.115 --> 00:23:25.993
Was there anything about any of your birthing experiences, positive or negative, that has stuck with you that you tend to share with new mothers?

00:23:26.775 --> 00:23:33.509
no, I mean the pitosa I, I with jade and that pitosa and I'm like, oh, trying to do everything you can to avoid it.

00:23:33.509 --> 00:23:40.296
And I always, like everyone always says, oh, it's so, you're so lucky, you go so fast, but that's a lot of pain and a little short amount of time.

00:23:40.296 --> 00:23:48.880
But that's, that's usually the only thing I say, because I've been pregnant a lot and I get lots of comments and I get mad sometimes at all the comments about how many times I've been pregnant and stuff.

00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:53.769
So to me, I don't like to talk to people about pregnancies because I don't know if they're offended or how they're at.

00:23:53.769 --> 00:23:57.365
So I don't really push my pregnancy stories on other people unless they ask.

00:23:57.445 --> 00:24:00.349
I keep it to myself, but I'm scared of Pitocin.

00:24:00.349 --> 00:24:07.820
So that'll be the only thing I can say that if someone says they have to get Pitocin, get the epidural Get the epidural.

00:24:07.820 --> 00:24:09.288
But that's, about it.

00:24:09.810 --> 00:24:10.353
That is true.

00:24:10.353 --> 00:24:19.700
I think there's a lot of misconception with Pitocin, that a lot of midwives will say that Pitocin is worse than real labor.

00:24:19.700 --> 00:24:29.612
But there are studies that show that once you have Pitocin your body will kick into natural labor, and so then you have your regular oxytocin, your natural oxytocin, plus the Pitocin you kind of have to back off.

00:24:29.612 --> 00:24:33.034
So, that's always something that could potentially happen.

00:24:33.253 --> 00:24:45.021
Yeah, I feel that's what happened with, like, ritter and Miles Well, even if that doesn't happen, the problem is you're upping it at not necessarily the natural way that your body would progress.

00:24:45.021 --> 00:24:47.230
It's just like we're going to.

00:24:47.230 --> 00:24:52.009
20 minutes later, go up, and then 20 minutes later go up and your body's not necessarily ready for that.

00:24:52.009 --> 00:24:54.538
Yeah, so it can be kind of jarring.

00:24:55.320 --> 00:24:57.346
Yeah, yeah, I think that's what was the first.

00:24:57.346 --> 00:24:59.353
They just kept upping it, and upping it, and upping it.

00:24:59.353 --> 00:25:00.476
Yeah, it was awful.

00:25:00.925 --> 00:25:07.048
I'm curious because I also like to focus on how to support people in pregnancy and child birth and beyond.

00:25:07.048 --> 00:25:10.704
What are some of the things that people say to you about your pregnancies?

00:25:10.904 --> 00:25:16.885
Oh my gosh, just because we have so many kids, like, don't you know how that happens, or don't you?

00:25:16.885 --> 00:25:18.830
I always tell everyone there's nothing on TV.

00:25:18.830 --> 00:25:21.477
Just leave me alone, there's nothing on TV.

00:25:21.477 --> 00:25:23.428
I mean, a lot of people are happy for us.

00:25:23.428 --> 00:25:24.009
Don get me wrong.

00:25:24.009 --> 00:25:24.509
Like we get.

00:25:24.509 --> 00:25:35.446
We do get a lot of positive feedback and stuff, but you always get negative feedback and it's like what difference does it make how many kids I have, like it doesn't affect you any way, shape or form.

00:25:36.008 --> 00:25:39.556
so like telling me I need a different bed or not to sleep with my husband.

00:25:39.556 --> 00:25:41.267
Like give me a break, how old are you?

00:25:41.267 --> 00:25:47.189
Oh, my goodness, we get those kind of comments and I mean, no, I might get 20 good comments, but then I'll get two bad comments.

00:25:47.189 --> 00:25:48.511
It just irritates me.

00:25:48.511 --> 00:25:51.646
So like with miles, our last one we told nobody.

00:25:51.847 --> 00:25:58.349
I told my mom some family, we told nobody and we had him during COVID, so I didn't have to see anybody either.

00:25:58.349 --> 00:26:09.251
So he was a complete surprise to everybody and it was so nice Like I didn't have to worry about people knowing I'm pregnant and coming up and touching me and asking me questions and like it was.

00:26:09.251 --> 00:26:10.713
It was really nice with him.

00:26:10.713 --> 00:26:20.301
This one I wasn't going to tell anybody either, but my mom has recently died and this pregnancy it seems like it's a big sign from my mom that I want to share with people.

00:26:20.301 --> 00:26:27.574
So I ended up telling everybody after a first trimester and so now I'm like I don't care.

00:26:27.574 --> 00:26:35.645
It's a cool story between me and my mom, so I am sharing it, but for the most part it's just the negative comments just suck and drives me mad do you think the negative comments are just people joking, or people?

00:26:35.967 --> 00:26:37.853
I say I think for the most part people are joking.

00:26:37.853 --> 00:26:40.106
I don't think a lot of people mean mean anything by it.

00:26:40.186 --> 00:26:48.259
I just take it personal so that all I just think it's so interesting how people react to people that are pregnant.

00:26:48.259 --> 00:26:55.229
I personally, I was pregnant twice and I was done and I'm just like how, how are you doing.

00:26:55.229 --> 00:26:58.951
Yeah, how are you physically capable?

00:26:59.050 --> 00:27:00.054
of doing more than two.

00:27:00.054 --> 00:27:00.536
I know.

00:27:00.825 --> 00:27:01.990
Tell me your secret.

00:27:03.869 --> 00:27:05.769
I don't know, that's not my son, my 16-year-.

00:27:05.769 --> 00:27:08.175
He, he has the most problem with change.

00:27:08.175 --> 00:27:09.431
He hates, he hates change.

00:27:09.431 --> 00:27:13.036
She always, every time we tell him that we're pregnant, he gets a little upset about it.

00:27:13.036 --> 00:27:19.686
And this time it was mom, you're old, you're not gonna be able to do it, you're gonna, you're not going to be able to physically do it.

00:27:19.686 --> 00:27:22.789
I'll so exhausted.

00:27:22.789 --> 00:27:30.674
Actually, I just got a notification on my phone that over the past 18 months my steps have dropped drastically.

00:27:30.674 --> 00:27:35.459
It's because it tracks you and it says the past 18 months you've really slowed down.

00:27:35.459 --> 00:27:37.740

Steph Sellen's Birth Evolution: Lessons in Advocacy and Strength

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